Growing Confidence

I was lying in bed last night trying to fall asleep when I realized that for the first time in about five years, the confidence I have in myself is actually growing instead of dwindling. I know the pounds haven't fallen off enough to show a physical difference, or even really to feel a difference in weight, but my mindset has definitely changed.

I came to the realization that this journey or adventure I embarked on more than a week ago and will be on for hopefully the duration of my life is actually more about my mind than my body. Yes, I am trying to lose weight so I look better, but really I'm trying to lose weight so I feel like I look better. Like I said a second ago, for the first time in more than five years, I feel like I have control over my own body, over my weight, over my food consumption and over my general health. I had let myself get so far gone that I had lost all control over myself. I ate when I wanted to eat and what I wanted to eat with total disregard of what it was not only doing to my physical appearance, but to my actual health.

At what point should I have woken up in the morning and said, "I feel like crap, and I feel like crap every morning so maybe I should change that." Or when I climb to the top of the stairs at work and I'm panting to myself as quietly as possibly, shouldn't I have realized earlier that I'm the only one that can do something about that? There have been so many indicators, mostly all physical, for a couple of years that should have been bright, flashing lights warning me to shape up or be prepared to face the consequences. What was next? Diabetes? Heart Attack? Cholesterol Medication? I don't want to have to go through any of that, and it took me this long, until I was almost 26 and steadily gaining weight since I was 18 to realize that I need to take the appropriate steps now in order to bypass those avoidable consequences later.

I just woke up and had a Slim Fast shake for breakfast. I think I'll also enjoy some fruit before I get ready for the day, hit the gym and run some errands. It's just like any other Saturday morning for me, but in truth, it isn't. Today is a little bit different. This morning I woke up with a little more confidence than yesterday. I AM CHANGING.