Being Fat is Hard

In life there are thousands of "aha!" moments. As a writer, I have mini moments along those lines on a regular occurrence, but instead of being epiphanies they are simply out-clauses for writer's block.

One of my biggest "aha!" moments for my weight came a few months before I started this little adventure when I realized I couldn't do certain things anymore, or at least that I couldn't do certain things in the same way anymore. I realized that being fat is really hard and it actually inhibits you from doing even the most menial tasks.

Although the moment I'm thinking of isn't the most P.C., it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was using the facilities and as I was getting ready to clean up and pull my pants up I stopped and questioned what I was doing. Because of my added weight and new size I had to re-teach myself how to wipe in order to accommodate the larger body. I wasn't sure at first if I was having memory loss or if it was truly a weight issue. I think I would have preferred amnesia.

There have been several moments like that for me in the past four years or so as I have come to the haunting realization that I can't do even the most menial tasks in the same fashion anymore. Have you tried gaining 60 lbs and trimming your toe nails? What about shaving your legs in the shower when all of a sudden you realize you have to maneuver around extra rolls of body fat and larger breasts? It's not only a disaster for the task at hand, but boy does it do wonders for your self esteem, and not in a good way.

I could probably write a long list of things that have become complicated because of the weight gain, but I'll spare you. Have you noticed anything like this with your weight gain? Am I all alone in this venture? I get winded when I take the stairs (this is at least improving for me since I exercise now), tying my shoes is a challenge and don't even get me started on picking out clothes to try on at a department store. I really don't think the many days and nights of indulging in ice cream, mashed potatoes or chips were worth it at all. Losing out on living to the fullest is a horrible trade-off!

The photo added was taken today. When I feel fat I wear all black! Mission accomplished.