Alcohol & (candied) Orange Slices

Here's in a bit of learned advice from me to all of you: alcohol and candied orange slices are not the ideal items to consume when dieting.

I don't think that advice was a bombshell or would surprise absolutely anybody, but I got a first-hand lesson in how going crazy one night can have adverse and immediate affects on your diet plan. Not only did I feel tired and sluggish the next day (that could also be attributed to the fact that I didn't get home until 1 a.m.), but I gained .8 lbs. I know, I know, it takes time for food to actually cause real weight gain or loss, something like 3 days, but the scale was the proof in the pudding.

Here's the second thing I learned: Sometimes alcohol and candied orange slices, even with all of their fat and calories, are totally and utterly worth it.

Friday night was awesome. There really isn't any other way to say it. I had decided earlier in the day that it as going to be a cheat day for me. I don't have a weekly cheat day, but I knew that I wouldn't be "good" during the evening's plans. It started with seeing two of our friends, Morgan & Preston at Buffalo Wild Wings. M&P moved away from Vegas in January so not seeing them on a short visit was not an option! We had dinner and chatted for a few hours before they had to make the trek back to San Diego and we had to meet our friends from my workplace.

It's the next set of plans that got my diet into trouble. Mike and I met our friends at Brendan Palms Theater to see "Sucker Punch" in IMAX. We had some, um, "Sucker Punch" fans in our group who thought it was going to sell out so we got there early ... really early. In order to pass the time we went to one of the bars and grabbed a drink. I ordered a vodka cranberry and it was the strongest drink I can ever remember having. Sadly enough, that one drink made me tipsy! I know I'm a lightweight, but that's incredible even for me. By the time we found seats in the theater I was acting like a 15-year-old schoolgirl. Lucky for me, so was The Wizard. Don't worry, by the time the movie started we calmed down and watched the show. Even the guy behind us stopped laughing at our shenanigans.

By far the highlight of the evening was an exchange between The Wizard and Jska:

Jska offered all of us a candied orange slice. Taking one, The Wizard asks "is it sweetened?" Um .... what? It's candied so of course it's sweetened! Jska's sarcastic response was timely and priceless, "No, it's savory."

All I know is that I want to try some of those SAVORY candied orange slices. Just kidding.

The extra calories, the tiredness, the feeling a bit bloated the next day were all worth it because it was a lot of fun. Now, I won't stack several of those days together because it's not good for me or my diet, but once in awhile is definitely worth it.

UPDATE: Since Friday, I've gotten back on track with my eating and tracking calories using my Lose It app. I have also re-dropped that .8 lb.

Blah Blah Blah

I didn't think it was possible, but this morning I woke up with nothing to say. I didn't say a word when I took the dogs outside to do their business (abnormal since I always talk to them), I didn't even send a text or make a phone call like I normally do. I finally broke my random silence when I sent a message saying "good morning" on Twitter.

Anyway, that being said, I really don't have a topic to write about today. It's just another day. I work in a few hours, I'll watch what I eat and then I have a fun evening with friends planned. If I think of anything fun or profound to say then maybe I'll write a full blog later.

For now, have a good day everyone!

Cry-Baby Me.

I cried myself to sleep last night.

The fact that I cried myself to sleep isn't anything astounding, but it happened. It happens more often than I'm comfortable with, and usually I don't have a distinct or monumental reason to be crying. I'm just emotional ... apparently. The bizarre part is that for the longest time, as a teen and young adult, I didn't cry -- ever. Now, living in Las Vegas and having a life apart from everything I want to be around, I cry all the time.

The person that bears the brunt of these minor emotional breakdowns isn't me, but instead it's my husband. Last night I was lying on my side facing away from Mike trying to fall asleep. I didn't think there was a single thought in my mind, but one teardrop slipped from the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek to my pillow. I didn't make a noise, and I don't think I even changed my breathing. Like a waterfall, several more tears streamed from my eyes and silently rolled down my face. At that moment, Mike snuggled closer to me and asked if I was okay. I know I was silent, so how did he know?! Truthfully, I think he can just tell when I'm having a rough moment, without seeing my face or having me say a word. Man, I love him.

The crying didn't last very long. For maybe 5-10 minutes i cried silently, but never pin-pointed a reason. Sometimes if I start crying I'll think about something sad like my pets getting lost or never moving back to the Midwest, and that fuels my tearful fire. I didn't do that last night though. I fell asleep shortly thereafter, and it became just another night where I cried myself to sleep without reason. How pathetic am I? One thing I have noticed is that I've done it more often since I've been on a weight-loss journey. As I've had distinct ups and downs I've simply been more emotional. Can't wait to see how I am if I ever get pregnant! LOL

Anyway, I'm really glad to be back in the mode of losing weight, eating right, exercising and blogging. It's been much better for me and I feel like I'm actually regaining my self-esteem and confidence in the way I look -- and that's only a few days in! We'll just have to wait and see what the future brings!

You're a FAT PIG!

I've been thinking a lot about my weight and what that's done to the way i see myself over the years. As I've thought about this vast topic, I've remembered some of the worst moments I've ever experienced. I remember the time I was in an elevator in my dorm building at school and was randomly called ugly and cow by a male I'd never seen or spoken to before. I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and called myself those names, and I remember the first & only time I ever spoke something that awful to someone else and how I felt in its wake. None of those experiences were good, but the worst, was by far, the last.

I don't remember how old I was, but I know I was old enough to know better. I have to believe it was summertime and I was home from school being looked after by my older sister. If you ask either of us we'd tell you that we didn't get along the greatest as children. We didn't truly become friends until we were both older and starting to live our own lives in college. I know that I never did anything to encourage a better relationship when we were kids, and as a matter of fact, I was a mean little brat.

One day we were home by ourselves and disagreed about something. I don't remember at all what the argument was about, but it was probably over something stupid like what to watch on tv or what game to play. The argument escalated into a yelling match (me yelling and her walking away) and before she shut the door to her bedroom leaving me in the hallway, I yelled the one thing that I knew could truly hurt her. As the words dripped from my tongue my mind already began processing how awful what I was saying truly was. Regret flooded over me instantaneously, but I said it and couldn't take it back. I yelled, "You're a fat pig," and listened to her slam the door. It may have been my imagination, but I heard her cry a little bit too. I've never experienced instant regret like that before.

The reason those words stung, and I suppose knowing they'd sting was the reason I said them, was because my sister was a bigger kid. I knew she was self-conscious about the way that she looked and I used it against her. Having gained weight over my adult years and knowing what struggles I've gone through emotionally/mentally because of that has made that single experience even more awful. It's two decades later and I still feel bad for what I said. A true blow below the belt. To be fair, she's never brought it up since and it's not a story that we've ever relived in any way. I'm not sure she'd even remember it because we bickered so much that it might have just been chalked up as one ridiculous instance in a long line of incidents, but I'm still sorry.

I know children don't sensor themselves when they speak, but most learn over time the very distinct difference between right and wrong. I knew, without any doubt, that calling my sister a fat pig was wrong, but I did it anyway. It wasn't until I was called fat by a stranger that I realized just how wrong or awful those words can be. Quick story: While riding the elevator in Tamarack Hall at Bemidji State University my sophomore year of college from the ground floor to my room on fifth floor, a young man whom I had never recalled seeing or speaking too stood apart from me. He selected the sixth floor as his destination (every other floor was men, likewise, the opposite floors were for women). There was a third person in the elevator with us who I later met and became friends with through mutual acquaintances. He also lived on sixth floor. The ride was silent, literally no one spoke to anyone. As the doors opened on the fifth floor and I began stepping out of the elevator, one of the guys said "hey" in order to get my attention. I turned around, blocking the elevator doors and the guy said to me, "I just can't help myself, but did you know you're really unattractive? I mean you're kind of like a cow."

The guy that I eventually became friends with gasped and the asshole laughed. I stepped out of the way of the doors and let them close in front of me. I didn't show any reaction to the guy who said that to me, but when I got to my room with the door firmly closed and no way of anyone walking in on me, I cried. The kicker - I wasn't even overweight then, at all. I'm not sure I was truly hurt by his words because I had a boyfriend, lots of friends, I was happy and physically active. I went to the gym regularly and played intramural sports. I think the words really bothered me because I couldn't, and still can't fathom how anyone could say something like that to a stranger completely unprovoked.

I could say that I have a great moral to this story, but I guess I'm sharing it just for the sake of showing that words hurt. I've been on both ends of unkind words, and I have to admit that I was hurt more when I spoke them as opposed to when they were spoken to me. I thought yelling "fat pig" would make me feel better in some way, but it didn't. Think before you insult someone else, especially about weight. Body image plays into self-confidence to an extreme. And if you've been on the receiving end, just remember that those words are empty. Whoever said that to you is insecure and just trying to feel better about who they are by making you feel worse about how you look.

Are those hunger pangs?

I've been in this exact situation before. Although I don't remember the exact date or time, I do remember reaching this crossroad ... let me explain.

Last night I was having trouble sleeping so I was reading on my iPad while lying in bed (I highly recommend the book Waiter Rant if you haven't read it yet.). We had dinner around 6:30 p.m. and by the time I was reading my night away, I was hungry! Most of you are probably reading this wondering why being hungry is such a phenomenon, but for me it's an amazing feeling. When this happened before, I realized that I hadn't actually experienced feeling hungry, like legitimate "I-need-food-now" hungry for a very long time. I don't know when recognizing that feeling went away, but sometime over the past few months I was eating so regularly that I never actually felt hunger. Last night, the pangs returned ... and I was happy to feel them!

On that same note, I've probably said to myself or someone around me that "I'm super hungry," or "I'm starving" hundreds of times in the past three months alone, but I think that those feelings of hunger are more superficial and based on time, situation and my need to eat in order to suppress emotions/stress than anything else. At work yesterday, I started feeling those pangs of hunger too and even took my break a few minutes early. Whoever thought I'd say that it feels good to feel hungry? My bowl of Special K with Red Berries and light soy milk never tasted so good as it did this morning. I absolutely devoured the whole bowl, and now I feel satisfied. I'm already looking forward to lunch!

Anyway, it's my "weekend!" That's right, two days off of work with absolutely no plans. I'm hoping to get to the gym, or if the wind/weather cooperates, maybe go for a hike at Red Rock. No matter what I do, I'm feeling so good about the path I'm on that I'll definitely be eating right!

UPDATE: We went to the grocery store last night, and I bought some of those Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice "steamers" products. I'll definitely do a comparison sometime this week!

Day 2 -Full Steam Ahead

I survived Day 1 of re-emerging myself into my diet. Woot woot! However, it's only day 1 so there's still a long road ahead of me. When I have one good day though, it usually puts me in the best frame of mind for the next day.

This time around is proving to be quite a bit different than last time. When I started the weight-loss journey before my wedding, I was working in a location where several of us took lunch breaks together and most commonly ate out at a nearby restaurant. Now, I'm working in a retail location and I take my breaks by myself allowing me to be the only person who influences where and what I eat. This time aroun

d, the responsibility is not only entirely my own (which it was before as well), but I have no o

ne else to blame my cheating on. Brilliant!

Over the past couple of months I've discovered some newer items on my local grocery store's

shelves that are perfect for my 30-minute lunches and still stick within the guidelines of my program. Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers (in the pasta aisle) are each around 300 calories, very filling and have a lot of flavor. My other

new favorite was introduced to me by The Wizard (my fearless leader at work). She recommend that I try Lean Cuisine's new Market

Creations (I call them frozen pouches). What an idea! They're delicious! The only problem I've had since first trying them is that I've had trouble finding grocery stores that aren't sold-out! The meals I've tried thus far have been under 300 calories and really tasty! I also think that traditional frozen meals taste pretty stale and icky, but these are fresh and light. If you haven't tried them yet and you want something quick & tasty for your work day, then go out and buy one!

This is funny - as I'm writing this I was looking online at Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine's

websites to be sure I had the name of the products correct and I see that now Healthy Choice has released a product mirroring Lean Cuisine's! Time to try something new! I had plans to grocery shop with my husband tonight, and maybe this week I can taste test the frozen pouches from both lines! Results to come ....

Anyway, today is another work day, and for my 30-minute break I'm going to have soup. Something about chicken and vegetable soup on a windy, rainy and cloudy day sounds absolutely delightful. That 30 minutes will give me time to think about what to cook for dinner too. So many tasty options to choose from! I love looking forward to a meal without feeling guilty. One of life's many pleasures.

Who's in the Mirror?

I'm disappointed in myself. There's not a better way to describe the way I feel about myself at the moment other than to say I am completely and utterly disappointed. I haven't gained back all of the weight I lost or let myself get completely out of control, but I've reverted enough back to my old habits in order to not recognize who's looking back at me in the mirror.

Recap:

August 2009 - I weighed more than 230 lbs and was less than a year from getting married.

June 26, 2010 - My wedding day. I weighed 194 lbs and looked fantastic in my wedding gown.

Labor Day Weekend 2010 - I weighed 191 lbs and was confident.

November 2010 - I weighed 193-194 and felt good going into the holidays.

March 2011 - Today I weigh 209. What?

Sometime between November and the beginning of 2011 I lost all control of myself. I know I'm an emotional eater and a stress eater, but this is ridiculous. If I continue to let myself go in this direction then I will be back to my lifetime high weight before I know it, and I am determined to not let it get that far.

In order to get back on track, I should say it's time to go back to the drawing board, but the plan I was working before was perfect. So, it's not time to go back to square one, but it is time to re-commit myself to my basic goals and create new mini goals to strive for. That being said, I'm not sure what my super long-term goal is, but here is the start to the next phase in my weight-loss program.

Feb. 1, 2012 - This is my year goal. By this date I would like to weigh 170 lbs. In Feb. 2012, I am going with my parents, husband and family friends to Grand Cayman, and I'd like to wear a bathing suit without cringing.

June 1, 2011 - Step 1 goal. By this date I would like to be back to my weight-loss point of 192 lbs. Once I reach this goal, I'll be finished re-tracing my steps and ready to move forward.

So those are my two current goals. I know they're manageable, I just have to commit to making it happen. How am I going to do that you may ask? It's simple. I'm going to do the same thing I did last time. I'm going to watch what i eat and use programs like Lose It, Nutrition and Restaurant Info applications on my iPhone to help me eat according to my allowed calorie amounts. I'm also going to go to the gym a set number of times per week or exercise outdoors or at home when I don't get to LVAC. Lastly, I'm going to keep myself accountable of my progress and my pitfalls by continuing to blog.

Sorry I've been absent for so long. My only excuse is that I got lazy. Wish me luck please; I can use all the support I can get. Time to re-gain control of myself, and I can't wait to start seeing some progress.