The "I Do" Morph

I have been engaged since Christmas Day 2008. It seems like forever ago that Mike popped the question, but really the past 14 months have flown by. Now, our wedding is less than four months away, or precisely 114 days from right now. At this time in 114 days I will be putting the finishing touches on my hair and make-up and having my bridesmaids slip into their dresses before helping me get into mine. What an ordeal I'm imagining it to be, but really, I know it's going to fly by quickly. Next year at this time I'll probably be wondering where the time went and sad that I wasn't able savor more of it. But anyway, the point is, there are only 114 more days before I'm determined to look "my best."

I've always taken decent care of myself and been right on top of hygiene, etc., but I've taken measures never taken before by me to make sure that on the day that I don the white wedding gown that I'm looking better than ever. Lose 20 lbs -- check (down 35 actually and still dropping), whiten teeth -- check (in the process at least), find consistent skin regimen -- well, that's the one I'm struggling with ....

I really thought that my biggest hurdle during this process of being motivated to become a better version of myself would be losing weight and being happy with my body. Although I'm not 100% thrilled with my body yet, the losing weight, eating better and exercising part of this "new me" is one of the easiest changes yet! I've never had the greatest skin, and I can probably chalk that up to the crap I shoved in my mouth along with every other reason in the book, but I've always washed my face in the morning and evening, etc., etc. I decided to try to control my skin once and for all and bought Proactiv. Let me tell you, my skin has never looked worse. I swear my face is exploding from the inside out and I'm terrified that I'm going to look like a 15-year-old boy in the middle of puberty on the day of my wedding!

I'm going to stop using Proactiv, but what should I use instead? I tried making an appointment with a local dermatologist on my health care plan and they are scheduling 16 weeks out --- that's four months or approximately my wedding date! Man this sucks.

Why can't transforming yourself come easy? I've said from the get-go that any changes I'm making to my body or myself are not for my wedding, and I'm still sticking with that. Whether I have a pimple on my chin or my hair is out of place or I only lost 35 lbs instead of 45 lbs on my wedding day, it's still going to be one of the best days of my life. It simply took me until I was 25-26 to decide that I want more from myself and damn it, I'm going to get it.

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By the way, my new find for weight loss cuisine is Progresso soups, and I'm not kidding. If you want a good low-calorie but filling dinner grab a can of soup, it really does work!

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And for shits and giggles, Here's a picture of me today (On the Right) and I threw in a photo from September (On the Left). Any difference?

I'm Back & Stronger Than Ever?

So it may feel like I abandoned my blog, but in truth, I didn't feel like I had anything to say so I took a month away to recharge. And now I'm back.

During February I didn't stray at all from my diet, even though I wasn't blogging every day. I logged into my blog daily to update my weight, and I even added a couple of photos, but I didn't want to write just for the sake of writing.

I figure now is a good time to get back to the writing since something recently invaded my house, and it's my diet's worst nightmare: Girl Scout Cookies!

I went to the grocery store on Saturday and ended up coming home with six boxes of cookies and I told myself they were "just for Mike," of course. Well, that plan of action didn't last. I bought one box of Thin Mints, one box of Peanut Butter Patties and four boxes of Samoas (Caramel Delights). Samoas are both of our favorite so I made sure I got plenty. In hindsight, that seems stupid because I didn't want to eat them so I should have just bought one or two boxes to set aside for Mike and been on my way. I have no will power against those little girls in green get-ups!

Now this next part is not for the faint of heart: I kid you not, on Sunday when Mike was working I ate an entire box of Samoas. Not just one or two, not one little row of the delicious cookies, but the entire freaking box. I ate the entire box, by myself, while sitting on my ass watch the U.S. vs. Canada Olympic Gold Medal hockey game. I told myself before I bought those darned things -- Girl Scout cookies will be the demise of me, and boy was I right!

Unfortunately the insanity didn't stop there! As Mike and I were watching TV on Sunday evening I decided to break into the box of Thin Mints. I ate an entire sleeve! I mean, COME ON BETH! This is just horrible.

That was Sunday, and on Monday came intense feelings of regret and remorse. On Tuesday came the realization that I can get past this little hiccup and move forward. Today is Wednesday, and today is the day that I admit my little breakdown to the world and move forward.

I haven't had a single Girl Scout cookie since Sunday evening. Although we have several boxes still sitting in the pantry, including a half-eaten box of Thin Mints, I haven't eaten a single bite and haven't really been tempted by them ether. (Maybe it's the guilt that's kept me in check.)
I think I needed to get the temptation and indulgence out of my system. Who knows. Thank goodness it didn't cost me a single pound !

At lunch today I ate a sandwich from Subway along with a bag of Baked Lays potato chips. After eating those chips I always crave chocolate. I was thinking of running to the vending machine, but instead I've decided to save those calories and have a Girl Scout cookie when I get home. I'll have one, or maybe two if the calories allow it, but nothing more. I guess I'll have to report back tomorrow as to whether or not I stuck with my convictions! Maybe I'll play it safe and have some low-calorie, non-fat chocolate pudding instead.

Pathetic?

This morning I was realizing that I'm literally less than two pounds from finally being out of the 200s. I was so excited that I jumped up and down a little bit and applauded myself for the progress I've made. It was after that point that I realized just how pathetic this whole thing actually is.

When I moved to Nevada two and a half years ago I weighed 170-175 lbs. and swore to myself that with this new location, job, life, that I would drop the weight I gained in college. Well that obviously didn't happen! Contrary to that, I gained 50-60 lbs. like it was my job. The pathetic part is that I let that happen to myself and I was okay with it for so long! Why in the world did it take someone else inspiring me or a mini epiphany to make the decision to lose weight. My weight was unhealthy, and it still is unhealthy, it's as simple as that, and that should have been enough to get my eating, exercising and growing waistline under control!

Today I stepped on the scale and saw 201.8. Today was the first time in more than two years that I weighed 201 lbs. That, to me, is pathetic. I can't sit here and swear up and down that I will never gain weight again or I won't ever reach 210, 220, 230 again because I don't know what life has in store, but I'm really praying that all that I've learned since August will stay with me and help me keep a better perspective on my life.

My Hurdles

As I went back and re-read a few of my blog postings, I realized that I have a few hurdles that I really need to work hard on to overcome in 2010. I've been stagnant in the 201-205 lb. range for almost two months and my first hurdle is to hit that 200 lb. mark and push past it. At this point I'm about ready to throw myself a party when I hit 200 lb. since it's been such a long time coming!

Last night I thought a lot about what other hurdles I have to jump over before I can continue on to the finish line, and I thought I'd share those. The hurdles, I think, are a bigger part of the process than eating right and exercising because they play more into the mental aspect of the journey and are less calculated than reminding myself to go to the gym or not eat chocolate whenever I want.
Here are five hurdles I'm working to overcome in 2010:

1. Eating my emotions: Although I've gotten better at not grabbing a bag of potato chips when I'm feeling blue, I know that I still have an overwhelming feeling to eat junk food or eat large quantities of food when my emotions are getting the better of me. This is my #1 hurdle to jump over this year. I want food to be less important than my well-being.

2. The gym takes all my time: For some reason I have it set in my mind that the gym=all my time. I dread going to the gym a lot of the time because I equate it with eating up a large portion of my day, when in reality I'm only there no more than a couple of hours.

3. "Cheat Days" are good: When I started this weight loss journey back in August, I told myself that I wouldn't have any "cheat days" during the week where I allowed myself more calories than normal. I've realized now those special days are not only okay for the diet if they are spaced out and a supplement to eating right, but they're actually beneficial to my diet and to my mind frame. Having a day to indulge in mashed potatoes eases my mind of being so stringent and worried about calories, AND I get to enjoy some of the foods that I love that I put aside due to my weight-loss goals.

4. Exercise does not always mean the gym: I always equate exercising with going to the gym and using the equipment. I haven't been the type of person to go on long walks or take a hike in Red Rock since early college when I was an avid rock climber, so with my goals to exercise more it's been all about going to the gym or watching exercise videos. So many people that I know go hiking or biking or play football in the park and burn calories that way. A real goal for me this year is to exercise more not only at the gym, but using out-of-the-box techniques as well.

5. Self-perception: Although it isn't listed as #1, possibly my biggest hurdle in 2010 and in life is the way I view myself. I've lost 30 lbs., I'm proud of what I see in the mirror, and yet I still don't view myself in a positive light. My biggest hurdle is self-criticism and low self-esteem. It's time to change that. Actually, changing my self-perception is WAY past due.

These are only a few of the hurdles I want to overcome in the next few months, but are only a handful of the hurdles I've come across on this journey. I have a long way to go before I'm happy with myself, but sometimes even I'm surprised by my progress and by the change in my everyday life. Eating is no longer the most important part of the day, but instead it supplements my actions and activities. I said it once and I'll say it again, I think 2010 is going to be a great year.

What I'm Doing

I know I know, two blogs in one day is a lot, but the first was my introduction, and I thought it would only be fair to say a little something about what I'm actually DOING on this weight loss journey.

For me, it all starts with my iPhone. I realize that sounds ridiculous, but my inspiration, Amanda, showed me an application on my iPhone called Lose It! that allows me to enter in my weight, goals, food eaten, exercise, etc. and shows graphs of my progress. Much like a checking account, it gives me a daily balance of allowed calories based on my current weight and my goal weight, and how much I want to lose per week (doesn't allow for more than 2 lbs per week because that's healthy).

As I lose weight, the amount of calories I will be "allowed" to eat change to fit the goal. Since I'm fairly overweight and would like to reach 150 or 155 lbs, I'm allowed quite a few calories, 1,565. If I get to the gym this afternoon or even do a lot of walking, I get to add that into Lose It! as well and I get a few calories back. It's really an easy system and so far it's kept me from overeating and has made me really think about what I'm consuming before I just eat anything within reach.

If you have an iPhone, get the application, it's Free! If you don't, find a similar online program or Blackberry application. Literally, it takes five minutes every meal for me to enter in what I'm eating and make sure I'm on track!

Today I've had a clementine for only 35 calories and a Slim Fast shake for 190 calories. My "splurge" will be at lunch when I get something around the 700 calorie range like a wrap or sandwich.

I'll keep giving tips as I learn them, use them and get them from Amanda! She's my guide!

A Dummy Who Needs to Lose Weight

I truly believe that in order to go from fat to trim a person needs to reach their breaking point. Much like an addict, there is a rock bottom that must be hit before realizing that drastic changes need to be made in order to not only change the way you look, but to change your lifestyle.

I hit that rock bottom awhile ago when I couldn't bare to look in the mirror unclothed and when I refrained from doing a lot of things that I enjoy. My problem wasn't that I didn't WANT to change, but that I didn't know the best way and I didn't see any proof that any of the methods worked. I've been on Nutrisystem, WeightWatchers, cleansing plans, diet drinks, etc. and nothing showed real results and all of them cost way too much money. So now, I'm trying something new.

I have a poker blog called Poker for a Dummy and that's where I realized that the word dummy can stand for a lot of things. For that blog, it simply means a human-like figure that sits in the place of someone real. Since I'm not a poker pro by any means, I'm a dummy, that pretends to be one of the greats. For Losing Weight for a Dummy I think the term is much more literal. I am a dummy when it comes to dropping the fat because after countless attempts, I simply haven't done it yet!

So this is my new blog, something that I'm sure caters to more individuals than poker because approximately 300,000 adult deaths in America each year are attributable to unhealthy dietary habits and physical inactivity. This is all due to the fact that nearly two-thirds of all American adults are overweight and have a body mass index of more than 25. One-third of adults have a BMI over 30 (Centers for Disease Control). A healthy BMI, depending on age and height and some other factors is between 17 and 24. BMIs over 30 are considered not just overweight, but obese.

I am obese. That may be the HARDEST short sentence I have ever written, but I am obese. When I started this new regime (which I'll get into more later), I weighed 228 lbs which is a ton for my 5'6" frame. After three days (Friday-Sunday) I now way 221 lbs and my BMI has dropped from 36.8 to 35.7. I have a very very very long way to go, but those changes in only three days are proof to me that not only can I do it, but it's as easy as eating better (not necessarily eating "right" according to books and experts) and adding movement (not necessarily hours and hours of exercise at the gym) into your life make all the difference.

I am a dummy and I need to lose weight. Up until last week I had no idea how and I thought that losing weight was something only people with a lot of money who could afford trainers and programs, etc. could do. I owe a lot to my friend who was in town visiting me this weekend and who recently lost more than 50 lbs herself. She taught me that watching calories and the types of food I eat, and adding walking, or even high steps when going up the stairs can make that little bit of difference that helps me lose a pound or two a week.

I'm going to keep track of my weight-loss journey and share what I'm learning, both what works and what doesn't. Anyone who has something to share, please post comments as well. I hope this journey works for me and that if I'm successful I can inspire someone else because my friend certainly inspired me.