Sick Bay

I spent the weekend sick. Although I should have spent every hour wrapped up in bed, I was able to get out a bit to take care of some errands and chores. It's Monday, day three of feeling awful, but hopefully this bug is getting past me.

I've been taking vitamins, drinking plenty of fluids (especially juices with antioxidants in them) and eating carbohydrates to absorb the acids in my stomach. I'm not exactly sticking to the stringent guidelines of my diet, but my first goal is to get healthy, and then continue dropping the pounds!

So, that's it for today, sorry it's so short. My word of advice, however, after talking to a doctor is this: If you have flu symptoms, don't run to the hospital immediately convinced you have the swine flu. Do you have a fever? If not, then you don't have H1N1. I thankfully have not had a fever and don't have the vicious bug, but let me tell you, this normal flu crap isn't that great either!

The Biscuit Binge

I don't think I can ever honestly deny that I eat my emotions. Yesterday was the absolute perfect example of what I've trained myself to do for years - eat until I don't feel the pain anymore.

This week was difficult for me. I'm not sure why my emotions got all wrapped up in everything I was doing, but it seeme that the tiniest thing could make me cry or push me into a bad mood. A straw finally broke this camel's back yesterday afternoon and then came the biscuit binge.

As I was returning home, overwhelmed with frustration, irritation and a slew of other emotions, I had to stop at the grocery store for some items for dinner. What an awful idea! I also bought a container I Pillsbury biscuits. Instead of waiting for dinner, I cooked them as soon as I got home and consumed nearly the entire package.

Just as I knew I would, I feel awful today. It's not exactly falling off the wagon, but certainly a spat of weakness. My first real binge since starting this journey. I'm certainly not looking to do that again anytime soon!

So, today is a new day and a much better day at that. All I can do is take it one day at a time, and for now that's my plan.

What to Eat, What to Eat

I've had several e-mails lately (losingweightforadummy@gmail.com) asking me how I'm continually losing weight but still eating out all the time. What are my secrets? The easiest thing I can tell other people who eat out all the time is to plan ahead!

Not only do my fiance and I like to eat out on a regular basis, but on weekdays the best part about the lunch hour is getting out of the office. A group of my coworkers and I eat out almost every single day because it's a way to take a break from the office environment and it offers a lot of variety. This pattern could easily get me into trouble if I'm not prepared.

So what I do to combat this is to plan, in advance, what to eat at the restaurant we're heading to. We usually decide via e-mail what time we're going to lunch and which restaurant we're going to eat at so then I go online and look at that restaurant's menu. Oftentimes I can also find the nutritional information so I can enter it into the calorie tracker program on my iPhone.

Web sites like thedailyplate.com and Dottie's Weight Loss Zone (www.dwlz.com) have a lot of restaurants listed with nutritional (and weight watchers points) information.

Here are a couple of examples of things I like to eat when I eat out at chain restaurants for lunch during the week.

• Jason's Deli - Either the Club Lite or the Turkey Wrap from the "Real Choices" menu. The Club Lite has 514 calories and I order it with baked lays and a diet soda. The Turkey Wrap 350 calories. The best thing about Jason's Deli is the frozen yogurt at the end of the meal. Soft serve is only about 60 calories for 1/2 cup!
• Pei Wei - Asian food of all kinds is generally not the greatest for you, but there are healthy options everywhere. I used an iPhone app (listed to the right) to find a meal that isn't too horrible. The tricky part is the rice, and also the fact that Pei Wei's portions are calculated as 2 servings. I order the Mongolian Chicken with brown rice. A full dish of the Mongolian Chicken is 560 calories and the brown rice is 130 calories. White rice has more than 300 calories. Although that creates a meal of 690 calories, my lunch is always my heartiest meal of the day so I'm comfortable eating the entire thing. And, it's delicious!
• Wendy's - I think the best thing you can do at Wendy's or any fast food restaurant is to order items individually and not as the meal. If you order the bacon cheeseburger, you don't need a large fries. When I go to Wendy's I order Crispy Chicken Sandwich (360 calories) and a small fries for 210 calories. Most people jump for the plain baked potato because it sounds healthier, but that's 270 calories without anything on it, let alone adding the sour cream and butter.

Like I said, eating out on a diet isn't the enemy, it's all about the selections you make. There really are healthier options everywhere, even at McDonalds or Taco Bell, you just have to find them and then order those.

When Did I Lose Control?

I've spent a lot of time talking about "aha! moments" or those epiphanies that helped kick-start my weight loss journey, but until today, I hadn't thought about another very important aspect of this entire issue ...

A friend of mine said she recently spent some time asking herself a question, and it wasn't "when did I decide it was time to lose weight?," but instead, "When did I lose control of my wei

ght?" I hadn't even taken time to figure out this piece of the puzzle,

and now that I'm thinking about it, I b

elieve it may be one of the most important aspects behind

the emotional and mental aspects of weight gain and loss. When did I lose control of my weight?

This question is really difficult for me, as I would assume it would be for a lot of people. It may not even be possible to pinpoint an exact event or moment or time period that kick-started all of the weight-gain, but I definitely think it's worth figuring out. For my friend, she said it was when her mother passed away and she took on more responsibilities with the household and her father, etc.

I would love to sit here and blame college for that initial push into the loss of self control, but I can't. I could tell all of you that it started with the famed "freshman 15" and just skyrocketed from there due to the late night pizza, beer drinking and constant take-out, but none of that is true. I did gain the "freshman 15" (or 25), but I wasn't a drinker and I

didn't gorge myself on McDonalds and Taco Bell. I'm afraid that now that I'm really looking back on it that it has more to do with personal and emotional situations than a simple solution like bad eating habits.

I've attached a couple of photos here that I came across just this past week when I found a "photo back-up disc" in my

collection of CDs. The photos were all taken between 2003 and 2005, and I weighed about 165 lbs. I stuck around 165 lbs for the first 3 years of college and didn't waver much. I was one of the "large" girls due to that size, but I was comfortable, if not happy with the way I looked. For me, my turning point came in 2005. It wasn't just one moment though, it was a series of events that not only caused me to lose control of my weight, but sent me into an emotional

rollercoaster.

To make a very long story short, in a matter of a couple of years a lot of things changed in my life. I went from studying at Bemidji State University in northern Minnesota to living in London, England then returning to Midwest to study in Wisconsin. I was in a 3-year relationship with someone from college and then was dumped via e-mail. I was a victim of bank fraud, twice and road the highs and lows of loving living overseas, but missing my friends and family in the U.S. There were quite a few ups and downs. I believe what really kick-started the weight gain was the end of my long-term relationship. Even though there is not a doubt in my mind that it was the best thing that could have happened to me, I still did a lot of emotional eating. And as I returned the states and began studying in Wisconsin, it took a long time for me

to figure out what I wanted to be doing and where I felt like I fit in.

I really believe that group of changes that happened all at once pushed my emotional eating to the next level. From there it was just a nasty downward spiral. From there I went to a desk job where I ate because it gave me something else to do while working. I also moved across the country to someplace foreign to

me and that caused me to eat away my stress.

It's unbelievable to think that your weight can change not only

based on what you eat, but on how you feel about yourself and the events that take place in your life. It may be difficult to think about and pinpoint the times in your life that transformed you, but in a way it's lethargic too. So, I challenge you, as I was challenged this morning to ask yourself, when did you lose control?

Change is Incredible

It's truly incredible to see the progress I've made throughout this journey. Although I had a rough week and a half or so, this week I've already dropped three pounds and I'm on my way to reaching that pivotal 200 lb mark!

Like with a lot of things in life, I've realized that my attitude directly affects what I'm trying to accomplish. Last week I was sort of down-and-out or in a "I don't give a crap" kind of mood and so I ate more than I usually do, ate things I hadn't in a long time and basically threw caution to the wind.

This week I'm feeling great again and I'm very committed to the journey I've been on and it's showing! I had reached 205.4 in October and then went back up to 209 lbs around my birthday and Halloween. This week I've managed to lose those extra gained pounds already and I'm back down to a fantastic 205.8. Honestly it feels fabulous and I'm looking at myself positively in the mirror again. I just think it's crazy that a minor attitude shift can change things so dramatically!

Three pounds is a lot to lose in one week, and I'm sure a lot is water weight, but I'm glad to be back on track. I really think I'll be down below 200 lbs before thanksgiving and well on my way to 180 lbs. by Christmas. I just need to keep the positive vibes flowing .... getting complimented on how look never hurts either. :)

Dieting During the Holidays

Anyone who has done it before can attest to the fact that dieting during the holiday season is difficult if not treacherous. I'm not actually sure there's any fool-proof method of surviving Thanksgiving dinner through post-Christmas holiday cookies and champagne on New Year's Eve without gaining a few ounces (or 15 pounds), but I'm determined to give it a shot.

I've decided the best thing I can do to prepare for the impending holiday season is to get myself on track and stay focused. I need to make sure I eat right and keep track of my calories every single day from here on out, and make it to the gym whenever possible. If I get back into a steady routine, then it will be easier to stick to the plan. I know that the worst thing I can do is get lax about my goals and my weight management because as soon as I smell mashed potatoes and stuffing, or freshly baked apple pie, I'll ditch the "no thanks, I'm watching my weight" line and ask for seconds or thirds.

There are some tricks I'm going to try and use, both exercise-related and food-related to help stay on track while still enjoying the wonders of the holidays this year. I hope some of my ideas/tips can work for you too!

• It's imperative to stay active and keep moving so why not do all of my holiday shopping in stores and not online. This forces me to walk around a mall or a shopping center. It's not a ton of exercise, but movement is key! Also, parking lots will be packed anyway, but choosing a spot far from the building forces a longer jaunt to and from the car. The added weight of packages and bags will just help with resistance training on the arms.
• I don't live in a snowy state anymore, but I used to love ice skating, sledding and building a snowman or having snowball fights. If any of these are options for you then take advantage of it! Get outside and have fun, you'll be surprised that sledding can burn a couple hundred calories!
• At Thanksgiving dinner try a little bit of all of your favorites, but don't go back for seconds and don't take huge portions. Also, make sure you choose the turkey without skin on it for less fat. If you feel like you took too much, then pass your plate to your spouse or a family member to finish it off. The best thing you can do is stay in tune with how your stomach is feeling. If you feel like you are full or will be full very soon, then stop eating!!!!!
• The holidays are all about the sweet treats. I don't think I could enjoy Christmas without Christmas cookies (especially my best friend's mom's chocolate chip meringue cookies) or Thanksgiving without apple pie. This is a good time to share a dessert, or if that just isn't an option (believe me, I understand!) then don't add ice cream to it or whipped cream. Or instead of wine/alcohol and dessert, skip the glass of wine or the beer. It's all about trade-off and balance.
• My number one thing to remember this holiday season is not to withhold anything from myself. I say this because if I restrict myself from trying all of my holiday favorites or indulging here and there then not only am I making the holiday season miserable, but I'm setting myself up for defeat. I can just see it happening: I avoid everything tasty during Thanksgiving then gorge myself on Christmas because I can't take it anymore. I would have been better off having a little bit here and there because I could exercise in between to burn the extra calories.
  

As my dad always tells me, it's about portion control, balance and the give-and-take. If you eat a little more today, exercise a little more tomorrow. Maybe I'll put in a lot of extra work from now until Thanksgiving so I have a bit of leeway, but then again, I wouldn't want to see all of my hard work just disappear in a flash. I guess moderation is key.

Do any of you have any good ideas for surviving the holiday season? Please share them with me, I can use all the help I can get!

Being Fat is Hard

In life there are thousands of "aha!" moments. As a writer, I have mini moments along those lines on a regular occurrence, but instead of being epiphanies they are simply out-clauses for writer's block.

One of my biggest "aha!" moments for my weight came a few months before I started this little adventure when I realized I couldn't do certain things anymore, or at least that I couldn't do certain things in the same way anymore. I realized that being fat is really hard and it actually inhibits you from doing even the most menial tasks.

Although the moment I'm thinking of isn't the most P.C., it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was using the facilities and as I was getting ready to clean up and pull my pants up I stopped and questioned what I was doing. Because of my added weight and new size I had to re-teach myself how to wipe in order to accommodate the larger body. I wasn't sure at first if I was having memory loss or if it was truly a weight issue. I think I would have preferred amnesia.

There have been several moments like that for me in the past four years or so as I have come to the haunting realization that I can't do even the most menial tasks in the same fashion anymore. Have you tried gaining 60 lbs and trimming your toe nails? What about shaving your legs in the shower when all of a sudden you realize you have to maneuver around extra rolls of body fat and larger breasts? It's not only a disaster for the task at hand, but boy does it do wonders for your self esteem, and not in a good way.

I could probably write a long list of things that have become complicated because of the weight gain, but I'll spare you. Have you noticed anything like this with your weight gain? Am I all alone in this venture? I get winded when I take the stairs (this is at least improving for me since I exercise now), tying my shoes is a challenge and don't even get me started on picking out clothes to try on at a department store. I really don't think the many days and nights of indulging in ice cream, mashed potatoes or chips were worth it at all. Losing out on living to the fullest is a horrible trade-off!

The photo added was taken today. When I feel fat I wear all black! Mission accomplished.