Losing Weight for a Dummy

Planning Ahead

2011-05-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am not going to eat healthily. Ok, that isn't the right motto to have, but considering it's Mike's birthday and I'm taking him out to dinner, I just know it's going to be hard to stick to my calorie plan.

Eating out isn't an impossible task if you can use iPhone apps to track calories or plan on what to eat in advance, but it's hard to pass up on some of the best-tasting goodies for the better-for-you options.

Since I'm not a big barbecue fan, and Mike is, I'm taking him to Lucille's Smokehouse BBQ at the District in Henderson for dinner. I know he'll enjoy chowing down on BBQ ribs and cornbread muffins, but it's a bit trickier for me because I don't like BBQ sauce. So instead of problem being that I don't know what the better option is for me, I also have to deal with the majority of the menu being slathered in tangy sauce ... not my ideal situation!

I decided to really think about this in advance and use the online resources available to figure out an option that's tasty and acceptable for my waistline. I know it'll be higher in calories than my standard dinner, but this way I can actually work backwards and save a few calories on breakfast and lunch. Unfortunately I can't find nutrition information anywhere for menu items for Lucille's so I have to use information from other sources to at very least, ballpark the calorie amount. It's situations like this that I wish I was a seafood fan because the smoked salmon actually sounds yummy. The dish is served with creole rice and steamed veggies - maybe I'll have to break out of my shell and give that a try.

Well, I think I might go with what I know, a salad (doctored a bit to reduce the fat and calories) or the steak with steamed veggies and an unloaded baked potato. No matter what I do, I know it's going to be higher in calories and fat than I would really want, but for my hubby's birthday it's definitely worth it. Maybe I'll just workout a little harder before work or balance out my calories the next day. After all, sometimes it's okay to splurge a little!

Hungry at the Table

2011-05-06T08:47:00.001-07:00

My schedule, in general, is always out of whack. I don't work a typical 9-5 with Saturdays and Sundays to spend as I please, and most often I try to fill my hours off the clock out of the house. My most consistent schedule lately has me off work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I spend the mornings playing poker at the Mirage.

Since I'm usually sitting for the long-haul (up to 8 hours) the biggest problem I run into is what to eat and how to avoid running to the nearby eateries (BLT Burger, Carnagie Deli & California Pizza Kitchen). Even though all of those restaurants are delicious, they are AWFUL for not only dieters but everyone. A sandwich from Carnagie Deli could feed the entire state of Rhode Island for a day and the $20 BLT burger has more calories than my entire day's allotment. I could run across the street to McDonalds, Chipotle or Panda Express, but let's face it, those options aren't the best either!

So this is what I've started doing -- don't worry I don't bring a lunch box. I've been running to the gym in the morning and eating breakfast. I try to eat a big enough breakfast to tide me over for a few hours, but I know a big bowl of Special K and fruit could never keep me satisfied until late afternoon! So, just like when I go to work, I pack a couple of granola bars or crackers and I eat every couple of hours. On weeks when the oranges are tasty I even pack one or two if those. It's been working out pretty well except I'm starving by 5 pm and force M
ike & I to eat dinner really early.

It may sound crazy, but one of the hardest aspects of playing poker and losing weight isn't the food options or even the immobility, but it's the beverages. Whether alcoholic or non-alcoholic, the drinks are free when you play so I tend to consume more soda or anything than necessary. I dont drink alcohol very often when I play but I'm pretty sure two strawberry juliuses are unnecessary.

But, for now it's Friday, my Tuesday which means I'm back in work mode and back to a normal routine. Work, a healthy choice meal for lunch, cereal & fruit for breakfast, a workout and dinner with the hubs tonight.

Happy Friday everyone! Enjoy your weekends while I'm slaving away at work, lol!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Eat That Bin Laden

2011-05-01T20:37:00.001-07:00

So I was writing a blog to post this evening about my shitty lunch experience at Panera Bread when the news about Osama Bin Laden being killed sent shockwaves around the world. Suddenly, my petty lunch incident seemed so ridiculous as reflections of the tragic events of 9-11 and the deaths of thousands of men and women of the U.S Armed Forces flooded my mind. I deleted my entire post (after all I'll still eat at Panera in the future), and changed it to this...

It's been 11 long years of cat & mouse. Thousands of innocent men, women & children and thousands of military men & women have died because of him and plans he put into action. God bless our troops, and thank goodness that bastard is dead.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Change My Mind

2011-04-30T09:53:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about my dad's weight loss & my best friend's parents weight loss & the Wizard jogging & various other people in my life who have recently made major changes in their daily routines to change their health for the better. A couple of months ago I made the same commitment (or re-commitment as it may be) but i've been pretty flakey about the whole thing. See, I'm being brutally honest here. Yes I've started eating better and yes I'm tracking my calories, but I haven't been strict about it. I've even been hitting the gym much more regularly but it wasn't until last week that I had a REALLY good workout. So this morning as I laid in bed wide awake before 6 am that I realized why -- I wasn't fully mentally committed.

If I'm going to make this work I need to fully commit my brain. I can't let the calorie counting go just because I'm on vacation or skip the gym because I worked late the night before...excuses will get me nowhere. Using that new found mental clarity, I got out of bed before 7 and went to the gym. Not only did I get in a good chunk of time on the elliptical machine, a 20-minute weight set for my back and legs and some ab work, but I jogged on the track. I set a goal for myself on the way to Las Vegas Athletic Club that I would jog 2 full loops on the track. That seems like nothing at all for most of you but between my weight and bum foot it's a huge fete. Not only did I successfully jog 2 laps, but I did 4. Small steps, but steps in the right direction nonetheless!

I know that doing the tough things right away in the morning gets them out of the way, but it's the getting going and doing those tough things that sucks. Now that it's 9:30 and I'm blogging and watching the Price is Right with my husband (yes he DVRs it), I am so happy that I went to the gym super early! I feel awake, I feel motivated and in general I just feel good. I guess all those people telling me to do the tough stuff first weren't lying!

As for the rest of my day, I unfortunately have to work. The good thing is that I'll be staying mobile almost all day. I'll also get to eat a healthy choice meal for dinner and avoid snacking! I think the hubs and I might even go to a movie after work tonight. Looks like a good Saturday to me!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Las Vegas

A Royal Wedding

2011-04-29T13:37:00.001-07:00

So most of you may not know this, but I'm in love with London & all things Great Britain. I lived there in college, honeymooned there last summer, named my dog London and gave the Underground symbol tattooed on my back. I've never felt more at home than I did in London.

So, since today was a momentous day for Prince William, Catherine Middleton, their families and all of Britain plus it's commonwealths, I just wanted to say congratulations and I wish I could have been there to see this event in person.

Enjoy your fruitcake and chocolate biscuit cake!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A Minnesota Escape

2011-04-28T10:58:00.001-07:00

In the past five days I have eaten some of my favorite things. I had a cupcake from A Piece of Cake, mac n cheese from Noodles, a home-cooked meal by my dad and munchies by relatives on Easter. It has been absolutely delicious and delightful. Mind you, I didn't say it's been wonderful for my waistline, but the risky calories were 100% worth it.

When I got my work schedule for this week last Thursday I had more days off than usual due to the store being closed for the Easter holiday. I decided to take advantage of those days off and take an impromptu trip to Minnesota to spend a few days with my family and closest friends. I think it was just what the doctor ordered for me (and completely surprising my parents was a bonus!). As I described it cheesily to my seat-companion on the plane back to Vegas, "the trip was a little dose of happiness for my soul." If you've stopped laughing at that, I can tell you that it's true. I haven't felt that calm, relaxed, unstressed, happy and comfortable here in Las Vegas in a long time. Minnesota brings me back to my roots and reminds me what's most important in life -- family & friends. I can't wait to some day move back and be surrounded by those people more consistently.

With that being said, whenever I go home I don't pay much attention to what I'm consuming because I'm usually only there a few days and I figure I can work it off when I get back. It's true, I can, but I think during my next trip home I should just stick to counting calories and not worry about working off any ounces gained. Between last Thursday and today, I gained one pound. That isn't too bad at all, but it is a gain instead of a loss. I also didn't do anything athletic at all. My soul was definitely taken care of, but I didn't pay any attention to my body! Come to think of it, between the black flats and a pair of boots, I didn't even bring any shoes I could have gone for a long walk in!

Mike and I have another trip planned to Minnesota on June 30. We're lucky because we get to celebrate our one-year anniversary (a couple days late) with our friends and family. I'm hoping that I'll pay more attention to my waistline and also make an effort to go for a walk in the mornings or maybe hit the gym with my dad when he goes. Speaking of my dad, he's dropped nearly 40 lbs working out and eating better and looks amazing! My best friends parents have both also dropped a lot of weight using the Seattle Sutton food program and look amazing. They are really inspiring for me.

I don't work until 4 p.m. today and my plan was to literally relax all day, write a little and catch up on my DVRd TV programs, but I think after getting these few things off my chest I feel more like going to LVAC and getting in a good workout.

I hope all of you had a good Easter holiday and are enjoying Spring wherever you are.

Blog Neglect ...

2011-04-21T08:06:00.001-07:00

I haven't purposely not written anything on my blog for a few days because I'm off my plan, but I basically ignored social media in general for a bit. I checked Facebook sporadically and avoided regularly posting to Twitter because I simply needed a break away from everything. Don't you ever reach a point where you don't want the whole world knowing exactly what you're doing, when you're doing it? That's what I was feeling ...

The last few days have been pretty difficult in terms of dieting and staying motivated. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't dropped the normal handful of ounces either. The reason is simple - I haven't been moving around! I know it was my "weekend" but I have been so lazy! The most movement I've taken part in was a photo shoot for a friend on Tuesday evening. That simply isn't enough for my diet or my health in general. Now before you think I've just sat on the couch watching TV, don't worry, that isn't the case. However, most of what I have been doing has involved sitting. :-(

So what can I do to keep myself motivated on those days dedicated to relaxation? I really don't have an answer for that. The only thing I know is that I need to get back into a precise exercise pattern. When I was at the peak of this program before my wedding, I stuck to not only my diet/tracking/blogging plan, but I had specific exercise goals each week and I stuck to them. The base of those goals is Extremely simple ...keep moving for 30 minutes every day. This goal could be as simple as taking a walk with the husband, doing pilates, a long day of housework, etc., but truthfully that isn't enough to help me reach that June 1 goal. So I think I need to add a new exercise plan as well. This plan is also easy - make it to LVAC 3 times a week.

Going to the gym 3 times a week doesn't seem like much, but for someone who's barely been going at all (certainly not on a regular schedule), this often is a lot and will make a big difference. The hardest part will be convincing myself to go each time.

Really, how in the hell did I get back to this point? When I was doing this before I got myself to the point where hitting the gym was habit and I actually enjoyed it. In reality, it's a good stress reliever! So when did I stop going on a consistent basis and lose my gusto for it? I really hate these wild ups and downs.I need to find that happy balance, and that is exactly what I'm struggling with. Figuring out my eating and tracking is a huge part of the battle, but it's time to establish the boundaries for the other half - exercise. The good news is, it know I can do it, after all I've done it before, right?

Any pointers for me would be great if you have some. How do you stay motivated?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Wizard Says to Jog

2011-04-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

I tried running around the neighborhood once. I guess you could say I went "jogging" and failed miserably; at least I looked the part though. Before heading out for my "nightly run" (it was a tradition I was attempting to start), I geared up with nice 3/4 length running pants, a dry-fit Nike top, cross-trainers and my handy-iPhone tuned to my favorite exercise mix -- I must have looked like I was planning on running a marathon. I think I even stopped right outside my front door to stretch a little bit, after all, I wouldn't want to cramp up, right?

With good intentions and motivation boiling over inside of me, I took the first few steps away from my house and felt amazing. A few more paces passed and I could literally feel the burning sensation growing in my calfs. After what seemed like an eternity (just past the first turn off my street), I started feeling winded and really, really tired. It was at that moment, the intersection of Red Passion and Sole Addiction (yes, those are real street names) that I realized that if I left the neighborhood intending on jogging, that I'd probably need my husband to come pick me up. So instead of turning the corner onto Red Passion and exiting our neighborhood, I kept going straight. Sole Addiction curved onto another road and that turned into another and eventually I made a square and ended up on my own doorstep. I listened to less than two songs on my iPhone and made it back before the next commercial break started during the movie my husband was watching.

Now before you start thinking that I ran super fast ... I didn't. I barely ran at all. Back at the corner where I had my epiphany, I stopped jogging and started power walking. I walked until I could see my house and then jogged the rest of the way. I was already embarrassed enough that I wasn't going on a long, soul-searching run, but I told myself that there was no way in hell I could arrive on the front lawn walking. And I didn't.

I haven't tried running since. I love the treadmill at the gym, but I mostly walk briskly or switch to the elliptical or stairs for cardio. I've never been able to run on the treadmill and not feel like a giant horse's ass. I mean with every thud of my feet I feel like the people on the floor below me at LVAC can hear my paces.

It turns out, however, that the Wizard is the same way. She's never been much of a runner either and she doesn't like running on the treadmill at the gym. She wasn't a jogger ... until now. She said she's dropped more than a couple handfuls of pounds since she started sporadically jogging. She doesn't go out daily, but she goes out enough to keep into the habit of it and even encourage herself to do it more. Like me, though, after a certain length it gets hard and so she does what I'm calling milestone jogging. When she jogs (most frequently with a friend) she starts jogging and sets a milestone or a goal to reach. For instance, "let's jog to the third lamppost or the tree on the far side of the field." If she reaches that milestone and has more gusto in her, then they keep jogging. If not, they slow down to a brisk walk and then look for another milestone to reach. She said it's really become something she enjoys and seeing pounds actually drop away is even more encouraging. In her own words, "I'm really an outside jogger; I don't like running on the treadmill so much."

Maybe it's a method I could try too? I've honestly never been a fan of running, even when I was a three-sport athlete. I mean, there's a reason you never saw me attempt to try out for track & field or cross-country. But that doesn't mean that some form of jogging or running couldn't work for me, right?

Anyone out there a habitual runner? Any tips for a newbie? I've read the "Couch to 5K" plan and even started the process but I didn't like having to time myself. Having to keep track of seconds or minutes reminded me of the things I dislike about the treadmill. On a treadmill I constantly watch the clock, and even when I cover the clock I keep track of my time on other people's treadmill timers. I guess this "milestone jogging" is similar to the interval running in the "Couch to 5k" program, but without counting seconds. I think I definitely want to try it.... what's the worst that could happen anyway? I find out I don't like running and don't do it? Oh wait, I'm already being that lazy. I guess there's only upsides from here!

How're Those Goals Going?

2011-04-14T08:49:00.001-07:00

I decided that since I've been back on my plan for about a month & since I set specific date-oriented goals that It's only fair for me to check in with myself and all of you about my progress.

Reminder: In my post "Who's in the Mirror?" I examined the ups and downs of the past couple of years including losing a ton of weight and gaining a little bit back. After examining that, I set two clear-cut goals for myself for this year.

"Feb. 1, 2012 - This is my year goal. By this date I would like to weigh 170 lbs. In Feb. 2012, I am going with my parents, husband and family friends to Grand Cayman, and I'd like to wear a bathing suit without cringing.
June 1, 2011 - Step 1 goal. By this date I would like to be back to my weight-loss point of 192 lbs. Once I reach this goal, I'll be finished re-tracing my steps and ready to move forward."

So ... that was March 20 and I weighed 209 lbs. This morning the scale showed 206.4 lbs. (Just a piece of info - I weigh myself every morning in the same manner at about the same time to keep it as honest as possible.) I'm not going to complain about a nearly 3 lb. loss, but I would love it to be more. I don't like excuses and I don't care that I was laid up immobile for a few days. I know that I made decisions like having a few drinks or not counting calories a few times that contributed to not losing more.

Checking in on my progress is definitely a necessary evil. I need to push myself harder if I'm going to make that June 1 goal of 192 lbs. I know I can do it, I've been there before, but I need to make a distinct effort in order to do it. So here we go, or continue going, full steam ahead ...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Home!

Paint the Room Blue

2011-04-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio this morning and the radio personality was listing off tips from a new study that are supposed to help you eat less when you sit down to dinner or breakfast or whatever. As I thought more and more about each of the items on the short list, the more I think they all make perfect sense.

By the way, I looked for the link to the article or source for the list but I couldn't find it so we'll just have to list these as helpful pointers from an eat-less angel .... or something like that.

Here are the four pointers:

Light a vanilla scented candle: the vanilla scent reduces dessert cravings and is supposed to help you stop eating earlier. The scent alone is sugary enough to put those thoughts of chocolate cake out of your mind.
Listen to soft or soothing music: slower and soft music tends to be relaxing. Like when you get a massage, the music playing in the background is usually soothing and without lyrics. Its purpose is to calm you down; so, the same goes with eating. Calmer music can help you relax and slow down which gives your tummy time to digest what you're eating.
Turn the lights on and keep them bright: just like trying on clothes in a dressing room with fluorescent lights, bright lights make food look less appealing. Dimly lit restaurants make more money because the low lights help people throw their eating inhibitions to the wind causing them to order and devour more.
Lastly, paint your dining room blue: wherever you eat your meals, if that room is painted in blue shades then supposedly you will eat less. The reasoning behind the color theory has to do with the light causing the blue of the walls to reflect a blueish/gray hue on the food making it look less appealing. Apparently, the study showed that people who ate in blue rooms consumed 33% less than others.

Most of that makes perfect sense to me. Bad lighting can make food look less appealing, vanilla scents are so sugary that it could replace the want for dessert and music can be calming. The only part that I'm not so sure about is the blue room. Do colors really make a big difference in how a person is feeling, the way they look or how much they'll eat? They say taupe is soothing and yellow can cause panic. So now blue can stunt your appetite? In that case, let's paint the kitchen, dining room and living room blue -- just to cover the whole ground floor. Or maybe I'll eat in the guest room from now on since it's already painted in a blue color.

I think these pointers are good ones, though, despite the fact that they may or may not come from a medical journal or academic source. Tonight at dinner I think I'm going to turn off the TV and turn on some soft music. I can't do anything about the color of the walls, but I can light a few scented candles and see if that curbs my appetite at all. I do fell bad for the hubby though, he's 125 lbs soaking wet and certainly doesn't need to eat any less, but he'll sit through my experiments just because he knows how much I want to drop the weight. Let's give this study a shot!

Busy Day, Forgotten Stomach

2011-04-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

Busy days are a blessing and a curse. Today felt like one of those days where every decision and request made me want to tear my hair out. However, on the upside, a busy and frantic day means a fast-moving work shift.

It's ironic that I think so much about how boredom affects my diet and eating habits, but I rarely think about the exact opposite. Today we were busy as ever at work. It seemed like every customer we ever had waited in the parking lot until a big group got together and decided all at once to walk inside. It was one thing after another and that meant that our breaks were put off slightly and our hunger didn't matter at all. I ended up eating half of my lunch at 3:45 p.m. and by the time I left work at 8:30 p.m. I was starving! And feeling so hungry for me is a great thing!

I love the feeling of being hungry. I know that sounds crazy, but I really like it. I went so long with eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and although I may have thought I felt hungry, I wasn't having hunger pangs. Now that I'm eating less and more carefully, I can actually feel when I'm full or hungry. Today, I was definitely hungry, no doubt about it.

Yesterday Mike bought a dozen red roses for me and today he had dinner waiting when I got home. What an amazing husband I have! I'm certainly not hungry anymore, and on top of that, it's officially my weekend! Things are good. I'm a lucky gal.

Weight Loss & TV

2011-04-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

I get it, America is overweight. A few years ago reality shows like VH1's Celebrity Fit Club and Biggest Loser took the TV world by storm. Now, it's hard to turn on the TV and not be bombarded by weight-loss television. I was flipping through the channels recently in order to set up my DVR recordings and I came across Dance your Ass Off, Biggest Loser, Shedding for the Wedding, FitTV, la di da di da di da and the list continues. It's madness!

I know once one type of show becomes popular - first came reality TV and then came weight-loss reality TV - that as many networks as possible jump on the bandwagon. I don't have a problem with all of those shows. Many of them are actually encouraging to me to get off my ass and into the gym, and remind me to eat healthier. After all, the participants are average people like me who let their weight get out of control and now they're trying to change their lives for the better ... aren't we all?

The type of TV I'm starting to take issue with are news-based programs. Every morning before work or at the beginning of my day I watch the Today Show or Good Morning America. At night my husband and I also tend to watch the evening news. Like normal rituals, these things have become habit, and these shows that I've been watching for years are starting to irritate me to no end. I literally cannot remember the last time that I watched news-based TV during a day and there wasn't something related to weight loss. Every time I flip on a news program, like this morning on Good Morning America, there's a new specialist or "doctor" or guru telling America to "Eat This, Not That", to stop eating egg yolks or start eating egg yolks, etc., etc. Keeping up with the schizophrenic nature of weight-loss TV is exhausting and, more often than not, the only thing each of these segments have in common is the overall message. I just wish the paths to that end goal of obtaining and maintaining a healthy weight were the same.

In one day, literally the same day, I was watching a program in the morning that had a "specialist" talking about how wonderful poll-dancing classes were for losing weight and toning your body and that night a news program was discrediting what poll-dancing classes are capable of as far as fitness goes. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

I know it's all very simple: eat healthier, less-processed foods and exercise regularly and you can lose weight or maintain a healthy weight. It literally is that simple ... However, getting the motivation to be that disciplined after decades of having processed foods shoved in our faces is the difficult part. But, I just wish that I could watch a week of television and not be forced to re-think my eating habits. On Monday I'm supposed to focus on a balanced diet with fruits, veggies, healthy carbohydrates and plenty of protein. On Wednesday I'm told that all carbs are bad and that I should go vegan. By Friday it's best that I just watch calories and eat five meals a day of whatever tickles my fancy. Maybe my only solution is to turn the channel when those "healthy" segments hit the screen.

I like that I've personally found a balance in my weight-loss journey. I have found a program that works for me. I watch what I eat, focusing on calories, along with exercising regularly and blogging in order to keep me accountable. Guru A may think potato chips are the devil, but if I have a small portion within my calorie allotment I know I won't die and I probably won't even regret it. Guru B tells me to go vegan, but let's face it, I love steak and chicken and beef and pork and .... oh forget it, there's no way in hell I could give up meat let alone all animal byproducts.

It seems that every person that's lost a ton of weight or gotten fit or who went to college to be a nutritionist is a "specialist" and deemed worthy of being a trusted source on TV. Just because I lost 40 lbs before and I'm on my way to losing another large chunk doesn't make me a reliable source. The only thing I can actually say for certain relates to me and my actual journey. Just because I tell you that eating Lean Cuisine fresh steamers meals for lunch every day has kept me on my path and helped me drop a few pounds doesn't mean that I KNOW it will work for you. It's just a suggestion of something that worked for me. So who knows, maybe if all of these trusted sources came on TV and shared these tips as they pertained to their own path to healthier living then I'd be more likely to listen. But as it is, I have to do what everyone else does: sift through the weight-loss/healthy eating information overload and figure out a balance that works for me.

Maybe I'll start changing the channel too, after all, Dawsons's Creek and Saved by the Bell reruns are on at the same time as Good Morning America and The Today Show. I could revisit the shows of my youth and remind myself what life on the Creek was like instead.

Puppies, piggies & people, Oh My!

2011-04-09T16:38:00.001-07:00

So it may sound dumb, but I forget how exhausting being outside all afternoon can be! Today Mike and I joined The Wizard and Kristi from work and their pets at Mix 94.1's Pet-a-Palooza. The outdoor event featured headliners David Cook, Fefe Dobson and Train along with dozens of pet organizations. Everyone brought their dogs (and piggies!). I loved it! London and Aribella, our two cocker spaniels, also had a blast socializing, humping and being pet by lots of random pet-owners.

One thing that fairs and other large gatherings always does is amaze me. What is it about outdoor festivals that gets people to exploit their normal diets and eat things way outside their comfort zone? I saw a man and woman each walking (and eating) juggling plates of nachos, french fries and hot dogs. I watched them walk a ways hoping to see them run into a gaggle of people whom they were going to share their goodies with. It never happened!!!

I knew I was going to want to eat something, and everything looked good, but I limited myself to half a portion of french fries and a shared pepsi. That small amount is guaranteed to be between 500 & 800 calories depending on how exactly the french fries were made. Thank goodness I don't have anything else planned today so I can ration the rest of my allotted calories. Fair food is such a disaster for people trying to lose weight or watch their figures. On the upside, we spent the entire time walking around and controlling out pups and that's a calorie-burning affair in and of itself. Walking even at a slow pace with any sort of tension for an hour can burn more than 150 calories! I doubt our rate was that high but it sure helps get rid of the guilt over the french fries!

So now we're home and both dogs are not only passed out, but snoring. It feels good to relax a bit. My foot's pretty sore from being pulled in every direction and walking so I think I'll put it up for awhile. No real plans tonight, but today has been pretty great! I hope all of you have had a good Saturday too!

Here are a couple of photos from Pet-a-Palooza!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A Call to Arms

2011-04-04T08:29:00.001-07:00

Almost 2 years ago I started my journey to lose weight and subsequently began writing this blog following the ups and downs. In that time, I've lost a lot of weight, gained a bit back, got married, been on 13 trips and changed jobs. It's been quite an adventure.

I'm thankful for the entire experience so far and I'm looking forward to the journey to come. One of the best aspects of this adventure, however, has nothing to do with me at all, but instead has everything to do with you, the readers.

I've always made myself accessible to anyone who reads my blog and wants to ask questions, show support or share their story. Hell, many of the people who read this are people that I know in person now or knew at some point in my life. Through Facebook, e-mail, Twitter & text message I have received a large number of responses to my story. Not only have I received commendation for being open and honest about the true story behind trying to drop the pounds, but some of you have shared your own weight struggle journeys with me.

So, here's the point I'm trying to make today. I know that I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who looks in the mirror and wants to cry some days because of the transformation that seemed to happen in an instant between then (cute & thinner) and now (um... Less cute & fat). What I don't know is if all of you who are struggling with your own weight journeys (including weight-gain struggles) know just how many people are out there that have stories just like yours.

It's heart-breaking to read about discouraging parents and partners & motivating to hear stories about friends who keep each other on track. I already have permission to share a couple of the stories I've been told (without using real names in some instances), but I want to extend the offer to anyone who wants to talk to share their story. Sharing your story, whether it's similar or erratically different from anyone else's journey can be liberating. Trust me, when I started writing this down it felt like a weight off my chest (no pun intended) and made me feel like I had to keep pushing because others were rooting for me. Now that's motivation!

I'm thinking of sharing someone else's story once a week so I'd love if some of you would share yours with me. If you want to share, please please please send me an email at losingweightforadummy@gmail.com.

I hope everyone has a good day. Don't forget to watch your portions when you eat, drink lots of water and keep your booty moving!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Back At It

2011-04-03T14:32:00.001-07:00

Well I haven't written in a few days, but to be fair, I've been pretty busy. I finally returned to work on Friday and the day felt like it lasted forever. I was suppose to work until 6, but I left a couple of hours early because my foot was throbbing and standing seemed to be an impossible task.

Yesterday went a bit better, I thankfully didn't drop anything on my already injured foot (I did the day before), but working the full shift really took a toll on me. When I got home I felt like all i could do was sit and rest. When we went to dinner I think I winced the entire time.

So anyway, here I am, day 3 back to work. My foot is still wrapped and I'm hobbling around like a penguin without the coattails. I think the extra effort I have to put into walking and standing is helping my diet though. I've pretty much lost those few pounds I gained while I was immobile! Woo hoo! On top of that, I'm right back on track watching what I eat and sticking to a plan. Feels good to have structure in my life again -- even if that structure involves standing on a bum foot for 8 hours.

As for tonight ... No rest for the weary. The hubby and I are going to make a grocery list and plan out our meals for the week --- I can stay on track that way --- then do a little shopping. I hope that ice cream doesn't tempt me too much!

It may be sad, but i can't wait for me "weekend" on tuesday and Wednesday so I can mix motion with relaxation. I also hope the doc says I can go to Petapalooza on Saturday. We'll have to see what he says during my follow-up visit Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

UPDATE: My ankle, errrrr foot

2011-03-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

Hey there! First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who has showed care, concern and interest in my injury. Everyone has been so nice this past week and you've all really helped me push through the ups and downs!

Since I've had numerous texts, tweets and facebook messages asking about my doctor's appointment today and the outcome, I thought I'd add a mini update blog.

Here's the good news ... I get to return to work tomorrow and with very few restrictions. I have to avoid excessive use of stairs and absolutely all ladders. I also have to rest or sit down when my foot/ankle starts aching to rest it. That's not too bad at all.

Here's the bad news ... Although my ankle is a bit sore (like most of my body), the problem is not with my right ankle, it's with my right foot. After the doctor did a thorough once-over of my foot and ankle he realized that the pain was in the top of my foot and ordered more xrays. I have a very very slight hairline fracture in a bone on the top of my foot. I don't need a cast, just a boot to keep it stable and to keep me from flexing my foot when walking.

Bad news part 2 - I am developing an allergy to latex. Over the last few days a rash and a few sores developed on my ankle/foot in the exact shape of the air cast I was using. Turns out the air cast is made partially of latex. The doctors (yes he got a second opinion who then taped a piece of the cast to my arm for an hour) agreed that I have an allergy developing to latex. They both said it wasn't too serious, but to keep it in mind if any health issues pop up in the future. Oh, and I can still use condoms as a form of birth control, lol.

So anyway, today's appointment wasn't my last although I was cleared to return to work. I have to wear this boot thing and take it easy for a week, but can ditch the boot for a sturdy shoe if my foot feels up to it in a couple of days. Looks like I should be as good as new in no time. The appointment really turned out better than I thought it would considering the first thing the nurse said when she saw my ankle was, "Oh my god. Gross." I figured it was all down hill from there!

Thanks again everyone for the interest and kind words of support! Now it's time for me to stop being lazy (I don't have an excuse anymore) and get back to my plan. Tomorrow will be healthy and a step in the right direction!

Judgement Day

2011-03-31T08:11:00.000-07:00

I can't lie, the past few days have been really hard for me. My days have had a simple structure: wake up, take the dogs out, eat breakfast, watch some DVRd programs, eat lunch, take care of the dogs, watch a couple of movies, eat dinner, watch TV and go to bed. Moving has been minimal.

Today, however, is judgement day and I am ecstatic! It was an enormous pain in the ass to find out who I need to see to get cleared in my worker's comp case, but eventually a wonderfully nice woman from my company's corporate HR department dug into my case profile and found out who I should make an appointment with. So, at 2:15 today, I will find out how well my ankle has heeled (along with my elbow) and see whether I can work tomorrow at 9:30 a.m or not. I'm praying to be cleared; I want to get back to a normal routine!

There have been distinct positives and negatives in being forced to sit with my leg up and not move a whole lot. Here they are ...

Positives: I have finally relaxed (if you know me, you know how huge that is). I got to catch up on DVRd programs & watch some movies I didn't get to see in theater. Most importantly, I have a greater appreciation for everything Mike's doing for me. He's waited on my every need since we went to the hospital on Sunday and I couldn't be more thankful.

Negatives: I've gained 3 pounds. I have eaten more unhealthy in the last week than I did throughout March, which in turns mean I threw my diet out the window due to laziness. I still have a welt/bruise on my left calf & a cut on my right elbow. My body still aches as though I fell down a flight of stairs or was hit by a truck (oh yeah, I did fall down some stairs). Lastly and most newly, I have two blisters, a rash and a cut on my ankle caused by the air cast that is now battling for being most irritating/painful. What a joke.

I can't wait to be back on my feet working and in the flow of an actual routine. I feel helpless sitting at home while things go on at work, and I feel useless not hustling around the house doing chores and being a good wife. If the doctor says it's a go, even with restrictions like making sure I sit every so often or wear a brace at work, then I will happily rejoin the workforce both at work and at home.

As part of my plan of attack for after the doctor's visit, I will also return full force to my diet and routine since I was doing so well before the fall. The crazy part is ... I'm looking forward to it! I'll let you all know how the doctor's visit goes. Pray for the best!

Immobilized

2011-03-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

If you're my friend on Facebook, follower on Twitter or an actual acquaintance in real life then you're well aware that I had an accident at work on Sunday.

Here's a quick recap: while taking trash from the store to the dumpster out back I fell down a small flight of stairs. With a combination of strong winds and the size of the boxes I was carrying, I fell hard on my ankle and managed to bump every limb on the way down!

Thanks to the quick response and diligence of my two coworkers, I was on my way to the hospital with my husband for xrays in practically no time at all. Xrays were taken of my head, elbow and ankle, and thank goodness there were no breaks! The most painful of all of them, my ankle, was the spot to be worried about. The doctor told me it was a bad sprain and prescribed me a few days completely off my feet (yeah right), and some pain medication. That being said, I went from having a renewed motivation for losing weight and being active to being a couch potato. Bummer.

I warned my husband this would happen, and it happened very quickly since the accident -- I'm going stir crazy! I don't handle days off at home all that well normally since I like to keep moving and struggle relaxing, so being forced to sit at home for several days on end and NOT meander around the house is excruciating! I've already managed to ditch the crutches so I can hop on one leg and crawl up and down the stairs. I'm also considering pulling out my old pilates DVD so I can at least get a little bit of exercise without disrupting the progress on my ankle (it's done almost entirely sitting and lying down). The other physical effects of the fall include a very sore right arm with a cut and bruise on the elbow; a large welt and bruise on my left shin; two sore underarms caused by crutches and a continual headache. Is it May yet? I'm sure I'll be 100% by May. Yeah, I want it to be May, let's just skip the whole month of April for good measure.

Here's what this unfortunate incident has done to my diet:

- I am not only not going to the gym or exercising, but I'm not walking practically at all so burning just regular daily calories isn't happening.

- I went from being down 2 lbs on my new journey to being up .8 lbs (back to 209 it is).

- I'm barely cooking which means eating a bit less healthy because standing on one leg for a long period of time is exhausting.

Here are my goals for the next few days of immobilization:

- Exercise at home: do the pilates video or do crunches, etc. Focus on things that won't aggravate my ankle.

- Stick to my calorie-restricted diet.

- Blog: Sharing my story with you and getting feedback always helps me stay on track and look forward instead of backward.

So that's my plan. Any suggestions for me, the newfound invalid? I can't wait for the next few days to pass so I'm back on my feet and back to a normal routine.

Alcohol & (candied) Orange Slices

2011-03-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Here's in a bit of learned advice from me to all of you: alcohol and candied orange slices are not the ideal items to consume when dieting.

I don't think that advice was a bombshell or would surprise absolutely anybody, but I got a first-hand lesson in how going crazy one night can have adverse and immediate affects on your diet plan. Not only did I feel tired and sluggish the next day (that could also be attributed to the fact that I didn't get home until 1 a.m.), but I gained .8 lbs. I know, I know, it takes time for food to actually cause real weight gain or loss, something like 3 days, but the scale was the proof in the pudding.

Here's the second thing I learned: Sometimes alcohol and candied orange slices, even with all of their fat and calories, are totally and utterly worth it.

Friday night was awesome. There really isn't any other way to say it. I had decided earlier in the day that it as going to be a cheat day for me. I don't have a weekly cheat day, but I knew that I wouldn't be "good" during the evening's plans. It started with seeing two of our friends, Morgan & Preston at Buffalo Wild Wings. M&P moved away from Vegas in January so not seeing them on a short visit was not an option! We had dinner and chatted for a few hours before they had to make the trek back to San Diego and we had to meet our friends from my workplace.

It's the next set of plans that got my diet into trouble. Mike and I met our friends at Brendan Palms Theater to see "Sucker Punch" in IMAX. We had some, um, "Sucker Punch" fans in our group who thought it was going to sell out so we got there early ... really early. In order to pass the time we went to one of the bars and grabbed a drink. I ordered a vodka cranberry and it was the strongest drink I can ever remember having. Sadly enough, that one drink made me tipsy! I know I'm a lightweight, but that's incredible even for me. By the time we found seats in the theater I was acting like a 15-year-old schoolgirl. Lucky for me, so was The Wizard. Don't worry, by the time the movie started we calmed down and watched the show. Even the guy behind us stopped laughing at our shenanigans.

By far the highlight of the evening was an exchange between The Wizard and Jska:

Jska offered all of us a candied orange slice. Taking one, The Wizard asks "is it sweetened?" Um .... what? It's candied so of course it's sweetened! Jska's sarcastic response was timely and priceless, "No, it's savory."

All I know is that I want to try some of those SAVORY candied orange slices. Just kidding.

The extra calories, the tiredness, the feeling a bit bloated the next day were all worth it because it was a lot of fun. Now, I won't stack several of those days together because it's not good for me or my diet, but once in awhile is definitely worth it.

UPDATE: Since Friday, I've gotten back on track with my eating and tracking calories using my Lose It app. I have also re-dropped that .8 lb.

Blah Blah Blah

2011-03-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

I didn't think it was possible, but this morning I woke up with nothing to say. I didn't say a word when I took the dogs outside to do their business (abnormal since I always talk to them), I didn't even send a text or make a phone call like I normally do. I finally broke my random silence when I sent a message saying "good morning" on Twitter.

Anyway, that being said, I really don't have a topic to write about today. It's just another day. I work in a few hours, I'll watch what I eat and then I have a fun evening with friends planned. If I think of anything fun or profound to say then maybe I'll write a full blog later.

For now, have a good day everyone!

Cry-Baby Me.

2011-03-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

I cried myself to sleep last night.

The fact that I cried myself to sleep isn't anything astounding, but it happened. It happens more often than I'm comfortable with, and usually I don't have a distinct or monumental reason to be crying. I'm just emotional ... apparently. The bizarre part is that for the longest time, as a teen and young adult, I didn't cry -- ever. Now, living in Las Vegas and having a life apart from everything I want to be around, I cry all the time.

The person that bears the brunt of these minor emotional breakdowns isn't me, but instead it's my husband. Last night I was lying on my side facing away from Mike trying to fall asleep. I didn't think there was a single thought in my mind, but one teardrop slipped from the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek to my pillow. I didn't make a noise, and I don't think I even changed my breathing. Like a waterfall, several more tears streamed from my eyes and silently rolled down my face. At that moment, Mike snuggled closer to me and asked if I was okay. I know I was silent, so how did he know?! Truthfully, I think he can just tell when I'm having a rough moment, without seeing my face or having me say a word. Man, I love him.

The crying didn't last very long. For maybe 5-10 minutes i cried silently, but never pin-pointed a reason. Sometimes if I start crying I'll think about something sad like my pets getting lost or never moving back to the Midwest, and that fuels my tearful fire. I didn't do that last night though. I fell asleep shortly thereafter, and it became just another night where I cried myself to sleep without reason. How pathetic am I? One thing I have noticed is that I've done it more often since I've been on a weight-loss journey. As I've had distinct ups and downs I've simply been more emotional. Can't wait to see how I am if I ever get pregnant! LOL

Anyway, I'm really glad to be back in the mode of losing weight, eating right, exercising and blogging. It's been much better for me and I feel like I'm actually regaining my self-esteem and confidence in the way I look -- and that's only a few days in! We'll just have to wait and see what the future brings!

You're a FAT PIG!

2011-03-23T08:18:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about my weight and what that's done to the way i see myself over the years. As I've thought about this vast topic, I've remembered some of the worst moments I've ever experienced. I remember the time I was in an elevator in my dorm building at school and was randomly called ugly and cow by a male I'd never seen or spoken to before. I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and called myself those names, and I remember the first & only time I ever spoke something that awful to someone else and how I felt in its wake. None of those experiences were good, but the worst, was by far, the last.

I don't remember how old I was, but I know I was old enough to know better. I have to believe it was summertime and I was home from school being looked after by my older sister. If you ask either of us we'd tell you that we didn't get along the greatest as children. We didn't truly become friends until we were both older and starting to live our own lives in college. I know that I never did anything to encourage a better relationship when we were kids, and as a matter of fact, I was a mean little brat.

One day we were home by ourselves and disagreed about something. I don't remember at all what the argument was about, but it was probably over something stupid like what to watch on tv or what game to play. The argument escalated into a yelling match (me yelling and her walking away) and before she shut the door to her bedroom leaving me in the hallway, I yelled the one thing that I knew could truly hurt her. As the words dripped from my tongue my mind already began processing how awful what I was saying truly was. Regret flooded over me instantaneously, but I said it and couldn't take it back. I yelled, "You're a fat pig," and listened to her slam the door. It may have been my imagination, but I heard her cry a little bit too. I've never experienced instant regret like that before.

The reason those words stung, and I suppose knowing they'd sting was the reason I said them, was because my sister was a bigger kid. I knew she was self-conscious about the way that she looked and I used it against her. Having gained weight over my adult years and knowing what struggles I've gone through emotionally/mentally because of that has made that single experience even more awful. It's two decades later and I still feel bad for what I said. A true blow below the belt. To be fair, she's never brought it up since and it's not a story that we've ever relived in any way. I'm not sure she'd even remember it because we bickered so much that it might have just been chalked up as one ridiculous instance in a long line of incidents, but I'm still sorry.

I know children don't sensor themselves when they speak, but most learn over time the very distinct difference between right and wrong. I knew, without any doubt, that calling my sister a fat pig was wrong, but I did it anyway. It wasn't until I was called fat by a stranger that I realized just how wrong or awful those words can be. Quick story: While riding the elevator in Tamarack Hall at Bemidji State University my sophomore year of college from the ground floor to my room on fifth floor, a young man whom I had never recalled seeing or speaking too stood apart from me. He selected the sixth floor as his destination (every other floor was men, likewise, the opposite floors were for women). There was a third person in the elevator with us who I later met and became friends with through mutual acquaintances. He also lived on sixth floor. The ride was silent, literally no one spoke to anyone. As the doors opened on the fifth floor and I began stepping out of the elevator, one of the guys said "hey" in order to get my attention. I turned around, blocking the elevator doors and the guy said to me, "I just can't help myself, but did you know you're really unattractive? I mean you're kind of like a cow."

The guy that I eventually became friends with gasped and the asshole laughed. I stepped out of the way of the doors and let them close in front of me. I didn't show any reaction to the guy who said that to me, but when I got to my room with the door firmly closed and no way of anyone walking in on me, I cried. The kicker - I wasn't even overweight then, at all. I'm not sure I was truly hurt by his words because I had a boyfriend, lots of friends, I was happy and physically active. I went to the gym regularly and played intramural sports. I think the words really bothered me because I couldn't, and still can't fathom how anyone could say something like that to a stranger completely unprovoked.

I could say that I have a great moral to this story, but I guess I'm sharing it just for the sake of showing that words hurt. I've been on both ends of unkind words, and I have to admit that I was hurt more when I spoke them as opposed to when they were spoken to me. I thought yelling "fat pig" would make me feel better in some way, but it didn't. Think before you insult someone else, especially about weight. Body image plays into self-confidence to an extreme. And if you've been on the receiving end, just remember that those words are empty. Whoever said that to you is insecure and just trying to feel better about who they are by making you feel worse about how you look.

Are those hunger pangs?

2011-03-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

I've been in this exact situation before. Although I don't remember the exact date or time, I do remember reaching this crossroad ... let me explain.

Last night I was having trouble sleeping so I was reading on my iPad while lying in bed (I highly recommend the book Waiter Rant if you haven't read it yet.). We had dinner around 6:30 p.m. and by the time I was reading my night away, I was hungry! Most of you are probably reading this wondering why being hungry is such a phenomenon, but for me it's an amazing feeling. When this happened before, I realized that I hadn't actually experienced feeling hungry, like legitimate "I-need-food-now" hungry for a very long time. I don't know when recognizing that feeling went away, but sometime over the past few months I was eating so regularly that I never actually felt hunger. Last night, the pangs returned ... and I was happy to feel them!

On that same note, I've probably said to myself or someone around me that "I'm super hungry," or "I'm starving" hundreds of times in the past three months alone, but I think that those feelings of hunger are more superficial and based on time, situation and my need to eat in order to suppress emotions/stress than anything else. At work yesterday, I started feeling those pangs of hunger too and even took my break a few minutes early. Whoever thought I'd say that it feels good to feel hungry? My bowl of Special K with Red Berries and light soy milk never tasted so good as it did this morning. I absolutely devoured the whole bowl, and now I feel satisfied. I'm already looking forward to lunch!

Anyway, it's my "weekend!" That's right, two days off of work with absolutely no plans. I'm hoping to get to the gym, or if the wind/weather cooperates, maybe go for a hike at Red Rock. No matter what I do, I'm feeling so good about the path I'm on that I'll definitely be eating right!

UPDATE: We went to the grocery store last night, and I bought some of those Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice "steamers" products. I'll definitely do a comparison sometime this week!

Day 2 -Full Steam Ahead

2011-03-21T08:35:00.001-07:00

I survived Day 1 of re-emerging myself into my diet. Woot woot! However, it's only day 1 so there's still a long road ahead of me. When I have one good day though, it usually puts me in the best frame of mind for the next day.

This time around is proving to be quite a bit different than last time. When I started the weight-loss journey before my wedding, I was working in a location where several of us took lunch breaks together and most commonly ate out at a nearby restaurant. Now, I'm working in a retail location and I take my breaks by myself allowing me to be the only person who influences where and what I eat. This time aroun

d, the responsibility is not only entirely my own (which it was before as well), but I have no o

ne else to blame my cheating on. Brilliant!

Over the past couple of months I've discovered some newer items on my local grocery store's

shelves that are perfect for my 30-minute lunches and still stick within the guidelines of my program. Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers (in the pasta aisle) are each around 300 calories, very filling and have a lot of flavor. My other

new favorite was introduced to me by The Wizard (my fearless leader at work). She recommend that I try Lean Cuisine's new Market

Creations (I call them frozen pouches). What an idea! They're delicious! The only problem I've had since first trying them is that I've had trouble finding grocery stores that aren't sold-out! The meals I've tried thus far have been under 300 calories and really tasty! I also think that traditional frozen meals taste pretty stale and icky, but these are fresh and light. If you haven't tried them yet and you want something quick & tasty for your work day, then go out and buy one!

This is funny - as I'm writing this I was looking online at Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine's

websites to be sure I had the name of the products correct and I see that now Healthy Choice has released a product mirroring Lean Cuisine's! Time to try something new! I had plans to grocery shop with my husband tonight, and maybe this week I can taste test the frozen pouches from both lines! Results to come ....

Anyway, today is another work day, and for my 30-minute break I'm going to have soup. Something about chicken and vegetable soup on a windy, rainy and cloudy day sounds absolutely delightful. That 30 minutes will give me time to think about what to cook for dinner too. So many tasty options to choose from! I love looking forward to a meal without feeling guilty. One of life's many pleasures.

Who's in the Mirror?

2011-03-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm disappointed in myself. There's not a better way to describe the way I feel about myself at the moment other than to say I am completely and utterly disappointed. I haven't gained back all of the weight I lost or let myself get completely out of control, but I've reverted enough back to my old habits in order to not recognize who's looking back at me in the mirror.

Recap:

August 2009 - I weighed more than 230 lbs and was less than a year from getting married.

June 26, 2010 - My wedding day. I weighed 194 lbs and looked fantastic in my wedding gown.

Labor Day Weekend 2010 - I weighed 191 lbs and was confident.

November 2010 - I weighed 193-194 and felt good going into the holidays.

March 2011 - Today I weigh 209. What?

Sometime between November and the beginning of 2011 I lost all control of myself. I know I'm an emotional eater and a stress eater, but this is ridiculous. If I continue to let myself go in this direction then I will be back to my lifetime high weight before I know it, and I am determined to not let it get that far.

In order to get back on track, I should say it's time to go back to the drawing board, but the plan I was working before was perfect. So, it's not time to go back to square one, but it is time to re-commit myself to my basic goals and create new mini goals to strive for. That being said, I'm not sure what my super long-term goal is, but here is the start to the next phase in my weight-loss program.

Feb. 1, 2012 - This is my year goal. By this date I would like to weigh 170 lbs. In Feb. 2012, I am going with my parents, husband and family friends to Grand Cayman, and I'd like to wear a bathing suit without cringing.

June 1, 2011 - Step 1 goal. By this date I would like to be back to my weight-loss point of 192 lbs. Once I reach this goal, I'll be finished re-tracing my steps and ready to move forward.

So those are my two current goals. I know they're manageable, I just have to commit to making it happen. How am I going to do that you may ask? It's simple. I'm going to do the same thing I did last time. I'm going to watch what i eat and use programs like Lose It, Nutrition and Restaurant Info applications on my iPhone to help me eat according to my allowed calorie amounts. I'm also going to go to the gym a set number of times per week or exercise outdoors or at home when I don't get to LVAC. Lastly, I'm going to keep myself accountable of my progress and my pitfalls by continuing to blog.

Sorry I've been absent for so long. My only excuse is that I got lazy. Wish me luck please; I can use all the support I can get. Time to re-gain control of myself, and I can't wait to start seeing some progress.

Five Month Hiatus ... & a Lot of Changes

2010-10-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

It's definitely been awhile since I've blogged, but I'm determined to get back into a regular routine. The last time I wrote I talked about my gall bladder surgery and the complications that came with it. Since that time there's been a true cornucopia of events in my life. Instead of boring you with all of the details, I'll offer a quick synopsis and maybe even a few photos!

May: surgery, last day at my job at Imagine Marketing, bachelorette party during a trip to Minnesota.

June: pre-wedding preparations, wedding & beginning of honeymoon in London.

July: honeymoon in London & visit with family in Minnesota and Wisconsin. Mike also had to work a lot of overtime while I adjusted to life without a job & searching for a new job.

August: the job

hunt continued, I struggled to keep a regular schedule.

September: Trip to Minnesota to visit family and friends, this also included a trip to the Minnesota State Fair! More job interviews and applications.

October: My birthday! I also interviewed with local companies including The Cosmopolitan,

but still no word on job placement.

Basically my life has been a blur from May until now. Every moment of every day leading up to our wedding and honeymoon was spent thinking about or preparing for the big events. And every ounce of preparation was

well worth it. The event was beautiful and exceeded every single expectation that we had!

As for my weight and how that has played into my day-to-day life, well, it's been a struggle. I maintained my weight really well leading up to the wedding to be sure my dress fit flawlessly, but I didn't give myself any restrictions during the wedding events and honeymoon. I figured that after a year of dieting, I deserved to enjoy our time in London!

Since I wasn't working I vowed to myself that I would keep a routine and pay close attention to my diet, but

it didn't always work out that way. The job search has been stressful and disappointing and for me, and that has led to stress-eating. I've always always always eaten my emotions. I have been good about getting to the gym, however. I think all of the work I'm doing at LVAC is being undone by the time I'm putting in, in front of the television.

So, this is my recommitment to myself. If I don't get my weight-loss back on track and keep with a plan then it's just going to lead to lower self-esteem and a greater struggle, right? I'm already struggling to find a job and so I don't need to continually feel bad about the way I look as well.

Today my husband (haha I'm married!!!) and I are enjoying a super relaxing day at the house. We'll watch a little college football and enjoy the fact that he's not working. I think as soon as I finish writing this I'll head to the gym so I can enjoy the rest of the day with him on the couch. Now that I have my determination back it's time to figure out what I want to do as far as the "diet" goes. Should I return to using the Lose It application on my iPhone religiously? Should I just cut out dairy and carbs? Any thoughts? I think I know that using the app is my best bet,

after all it helped me all last year right? I'm completely open to ideas!

I've added several photos throughout this blog from my wedding to my amazing husband Mike. We were married on June 26, 2010 in Oakdale, Minnesota and had a truly incredible reception in St. Paul. The best part about it was that when I looked in the mirror before the ceremony, I actually thought I looked beautiful! It's been a long time since I'd thought that about myself!

The Recovery Project

2010-05-11T08:06:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning exhausted. After a night of restless sleep, waking up at 3 am to watch TV and a lot of painful movements, I got out of bed for my first full day without all of the organs I was born with.

My gall bladder removal surgery didn't exactly go as planned, but in the long run, it was taken out and I was sent home to recover.

The day was a real whirlwind, but I was thankful to have my parents and Mike, my fiance, with me at the hospital yesterday. We were all at the out-patient surgery location by 8 am for my 10 am surgery. My mom came back to pre-op while my dad and Mike stayed out in the main lobby. I was only able to have one person by my bedside.

10 am came and went, the nurses went through a shift change, the anasetheologist came to see me then grabbed his lunch box and left, and my mom and I were left with a lot of questions while patients were shuttle in and out and released.

A nice RN named Bill finally gave me a straight answer, one that my surgeon has yet to cop to, and that was that my surgeon's office forgot to file the paperwork with the hospital, so I wasn't even on the books.

It was finally time to wheel me into the OR and the anasetheologist announced that he doesn't have approval from the insurance company to administer anasethia....and again we waited.

A new anasetheologist was assigned to me that was allowed by insurance and FINALLY it was time to go. I was in the OR by 3 and at recovery by 4. Mom, dad and Mike brought me home around 5:30 and my very very long day at Spring Valley Hospital was complete.

So .... Here I am, in a fair amount of pain and up 5 lbs from the anasethia and ingested gas, and I can't wait to eat normally again.

There were a few complications along the way -- the saline line was improperly placed causing my wrist to be filled with saline and go 100% numb -- amongst other things but it's all done now. I just hope that 5 lbs disappears!!!

Thanks for all of the support and well wishes!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:My Couch

Good Bye Gall Bladder

2010-05-05T11:39:00.000-07:00

It's official, my gall bladder is coming out.

I visited with the surgeon at Spring Valley Hospital in Las Vegas yesterday and he said that it's absolutely necessary that I have my gall bladder removed. My surgery is scheduled for next Monday, May 10.

Although it's not an imminent threat (I could put it off for up to six months), he said it's the best way to combat the serious tummy issues I've been having for 12-18 months. Also, he said some of the things that trigger gallstone attacks could cause problems in the next couple of months. As it turns out, flying can trigger a gallstone attack if there's a pre-existing problem, and changing your diet can also cause problems. I've been flying a lot and will be flying a ton in the next couple of months and I've lost 40 lbs since August! Now I know why the problems have caused so much pain!

My doctor recommended that I have it removed as soon as possible so I am fully recovered and can eat, drink and be merry on my wedding day. What a splendid idea! I will have six and a half weeks to fully recover, which is plenty of time since the surgery is going to be done laprascopically. I may have to watch my fat intake and other food-related issues, but I'll be ready to dance the night away with my new hubby!

Thanks to everyone for showing care and concern, and for offering words of advice. I'm really grateful that my parents are flying out to Vegas on Sunday in order to be there for me when I have surgery and help take care of me when I come home. It'll be nice to have Mike and my parents around!

I'll let you all know how it goes. I'm hoping for a quick recovery!

Dieters Beware!

2010-05-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been around in awhile, but it's because I haven't had much to say. I feel like I hit a rut or a period of time when all I wanted to do was take a step back. With work and the wedding creeping up on me, I made it more of a priority to take time for myself. As far as weight goes, I'm still hanging around 195 lbs. Up a few times and down a few times.

On April 9 I had my first bridal gown fitting and the dress looked great! Now I need to maintain this weight until the wedding so I don't need any major alterations!

What I really wanted to address today is an ailment that has recently affected me, and the doctor said that a lot of it could be related to weight loss. On Friday morning, Mike brought me to the ER for severe abdominal pain. It turns out I have gall stones, and have had them for an estimated 12-18 months. I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow to discuss the removal of my gall bladder.

As I've been researching gallstones and gall bladder removal, what I've learned is that gall stones are found most commonly in people who are overweight and people who are losing weight. Not only was I/am I overweight, but I've lost 40 pounds in 8 months. I'm a prime candidate! Since most people don't have symptoms, it took until just recently for me to notice that they were even there.

Some signs to look for include: pain in the pit of your stomach or upper right portion of your stomach/abdomin, pain in your upper back/shoulder blades, fever or chills, and yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes.

I had no idea that losing weight could cause a problem like gallstones, or cause the gallstones to become more apparent. My mother had emergency gall bladder surgery when I was in elementary school. She told me that she was trying to lose weight when her gallstones became a problem as well. On top of that, it appears to be genetic to some extent.

I'm looking forward to the visit with the doctor tomorrow. I'm afraid that if we don't remove the gall bladder that I will have another "attack" in mid to late June or in July when I'm on my honeymoon in London. If I have another attack then it's pretty much guaranteed that the gall bladder needs to be removed, and if it's too close to June 26 then I really won't have enough time to properly recover. What a pain!

I'll let you all know how the visit with the doctor goes. In the mean time, here's a photo of me snapped today. I didn't step on the scale this morning because my body is pretty messed up from the various medications I'm on due to this most recent issue. I'll jump on the scale again tomorrow!

A Minnesotan Adventure

2010-04-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

To be fair, Mike and I also went to Wisconsin during our trip to Minnesota this past weekend, but I figured it would make the title far too long.

Last week I was busier than ever planning our wedding planning trip to Minnesota. It felt like such a long time coming since I've been arranging appointments, answering questions about bridal shower guest lists and coordinating meet-and-greets with friends for weeks on end. When the time finally came to board the flight back to the Midwest I was ecstatic, and then all of a sudden it was over again.

All in all, however, we had an amazing trip. On Friday we had wedding appointments galore and spent the entire day with my parents, wedding coordinator and maid of honor. The dress fitting went swimmingly and I looked great in the gown (if I do say so myself) and the hair and makeup run-through went well also. I'm not quite sure it was the best idea to do the food tasting for the reception just hours before the gown fitting, but it all worked out for the best. Hehehe.

I know this blog isn't about my weight or food today, but there was just too much going on over the weekend to focus on just food. I ate WAY too much between the food tasting, bridal shower and family dinners, but every single calorie was well worth it. Now I just need to get back on track and maintain my weight so I look perfect on June 26 in my gown.

A few weeks ago I told you all about the dress I bought for my shower and although I don't happen to have a photo from the shower yet (I didn't have my camera), I am wearing it to work today and I've posted that photo here. I have images of me in my gown and veil and with my hair and makeup done, but you'll all just have to wait for the big day to see those details!

So here's my plan to get back on track starting today: A shake and banana for breakfast, subway for lunch and Progresso soup with oyster crackers for dinner. I suppose I should hit the gym too! Wish me luck, I could use a bit of motivation!

I'm getting old!

2010-03-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night, a group of friends got together at Dino's (an off-the-beaten-track, local's karaoke bar) to formally say farewell to our friend Heather. Heather left this morning to move back to Ohio.

Normally, Mike and I are home by 11 p.m. or midnight and watching TV on the weekends like a good old married couple. "Super late" nights for us are pretty rare, and so when they happen it usually doesn't take too long to recover or phase me all that much. I mean, what's one night of losing sleep? This weekend was not like that at all!

We left Dino's at nearly 1 a.m. and Mike had to get to bed immediately when we got home since he had to work at around 6 a.m. the next morning. This meant that I got charged with staying up with our pets and watching some TV while the animals wound down for the night. I finally crawled into bed at 2:30 and fell asleep somewhere closer to 3:30 a.m. Mike left for work and the dogs woke me up at 7 a.m. leaving me with little sleep, and what sleep I did get felt fairly restless.

I was shocked that when I woke up I felt nauseous and had a headache and was sore. Mike didn't drink at all and I didn't even finish my one glass of vodka 7Up. I think I drank less than half of that drink because it didn't taste quite right and then drank Mike's Coca-Colas the rest of the time. Have I really gotten to the point where any alcohol and late nights ruin me for days?!?! I must be getting old!

I felt sluggish all day on Sunday, but have thankfully recovered just fine today. I'm still a bit tired, but that's pretty standard for a Monday morning! This just makes me wonder -- how am I going to be the morning after the wedding? Interesting thought, isn't it?

It Had How Many Calories?

2010-03-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

I have lost three pounds this week. Now, granted, I had gained a pound or two and lost a pound or two and went up and down over the past couple of weeks so the three pounds weren't that significant, but it's been a good week to say the least. I've really stayed focus on eating the right number of calories and I've even made it to the gym.

Today I had a banana for breakfast and had a low-calorie meal at Jason's Deli for lunch. I'm on a roll! Well, I was on a roll until PayPros sent our company a beautiful fruit and chocolate-dipped fruit bouquet. I could literally hear the horns blow wah wah ....

I indulged in a chocolate-covered strawberry and a chocolate-covered banana as soon as I got back from lunch. I just couldn't help it! The fruit looked amazing and fresh and how can I resist a chocolate covered strawberry?!?!?! The answer is -- I can't; I am physically incapable of resisting a chocolate-covered strawberry.

So, against my better judgement, or maybe because of my better judgement, I went online to track down the number of calories in the goodies I just consumed. Here's what I had to figure out: one strawberry, one large banana slice and the chocolate that both were dipped in. And, here's what I determined:

strawberry - approx. 45 calories

banana slice - approx. 25 calories

Edible Arrangements Chocolate - approx 120 for 2 tablespoons (I ate about 3 tablespoons).

Total: 250 calories.

It had how many calories? Two-hundred and fifty calories in one banana and strawberry?!?!? That's outrageous, but maybe that's why they were so damned delicious!

I guess I won't be having that after-dinner snack or fattening dinner. Maybe I have to do a little extra cardio at the too. Oy vey.

Checking In ...

2010-03-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I've spent a lot of time talking about me and my journey, but I was wondering how all of you are doing? Over the past seven months I've received e-mails, twitter messages and blog comments about individuals who are on their own path to losing weight. Please send me updates on how you're doing so we can lean on each other!

I also wanted to say congrats to Jamie, a friend from Vegas who's living in California now and who weighed in this week to see that she lost 4 lbs! That's amazing. Keep up the great work!

Also to my mom, best friend and her parents who are on the Seattle Sutton program. I know it's working well for you all and I'm glad you found a program that fits! Keep me posted. Also -- Steph, you are far more dedicated than me if you can wake up at 5 a.m. to hit the gym before work! I couldn't do it!

Anyway, if any of you have an update on how you're doing or if you're just getting started, share your story with me either publicly as a comment or privately in an email. Good luck everyone!

Little Black (& White) Dress

2010-03-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went shoe shopping. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal in the least, but I was shopping for that supposed "perfect" pair to wear with my wedding gown. The shop said I must, must, must have my shoes before my first dress fitting on April 9 and so I finally decided to buckle down and buy them. The problem was ... I couldn't find any shoes I liked, and so I turned my attention to clothes.

After scouring DSW, some random shop at the Galleria at Sunset mall and Macys, I left the shoe department and came across the misses dresses department in Macys. I haven't been able to shop in the "Misses" department for more than two years, but not only did I find a dress from that area yesterday, but I tried on six, and all six fit! Granted they all didn't look that great on me, but I did find one that was amazing.

I have this problem of pigeon-holeing myself when it comes to dresses and colors. I now own four dresses that I love and would wear at any given time and all of them, yes all, are black and white. I think I have a serious problem! I tried on a great Jones New York dress that was navy blue and draped, but it didn't fit my figure quite yet. I was close to buying one that had yellow flowers on it too, but guess what, it was mostly black and white too.

I ended up buying a dress that was a size 14, yes a 14!!!!! In August I was buying clothes that were size 20 and 22. This dress is slightly form-fitting with a cute bolero. I'm planning on wearing it to my bridal shower in April. Hopefully now I can find something to wear for the bachelorette party and rehearsal dinner! I must say though, so far, going shopping is way better than it used to be!

Better Than a Treadmill

2010-03-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

This week the international sheet metal competition is in Las Vegas, and since ITI (the contest's host) is one of my company's clients, I've been spending a fair amount of time on-location taking photos of the event and glad-handing with everyone.

Yesterday, we went to Caesar's Palace on the Las Vegas Strip for registration. We were actually hoping to talk to one of the only four or five females in the competition. When we got there, we got more than we bargained for! I knew Caesar's Palace was big, but I discovered that it is actually ginormous, and a giant maze at that!

We needed to find Octavius Ballroom 24 and that turned out to be a challenge in and of itself. With my handy iPhone in tow keeping track of our distance, I calculated that we walked almost three full miles round trip from the car to the ballroom and back to the car in the two-hour period we were at the convention center. We followed the signs and checked the maps to find the ballroom in question and had the most difficult time tracking it down. It wasn't until we saw a tourist who had already visited the ballroom that we were able to figure out where to go! What kind of place needs more than 100 ballrooms?!?!? I was seriously astonished.

However, the day went pretty long and as I was finishing up at work I debated with myself about going to the gym or going home to rest my feet (I was wearing dress shoes that aren't the best for meandering around a giant casino). I looked up how far we walked, entered that into my LoseIt! application to get a calories-burned reading and decided that I did, after all, get a decent amount of exercise! I burned more than 300 calories just doing my job!

I don't get to rest on my laurel's today though. I'll be heading to the gym right after I'm done with work to get in some cardio, back strengthening and maybe even a short weight-lifting circuit. It's time to break 195 and stay below that mark!

On a side note -- My skin is getting better now that I dropped ProActiv. Time to get a facial and start anew!

Crunch Time

2010-03-14T10:34:00.001-07:00

Yes it's true, I'm blogging while walking on a treadmill at Las Vegas Athletic Club. New high or new low? I mean I know my iPhone is like an extension of my right hand but this is extreme - even for me.

I must have discovered a new layer of motivation though. I woke up, "feasted" on a diet shake and headed to LVAC for a workout. Can you say breakthrough?

I've still been doing really well lately eating right, but I haven't been exercising. I'd love to reach 185 or even 190 by my April 10 wedding dress fitting, but at this point I'd be happy with seeing any movement on the scale (down of course). My weight's been so stagnant!

So as proud as I am of my Sunday motivation, I really need to keep myself moving in the right direction. Gym tomorrow after work maybe? Could I make it 3-4 times this week? I hope so. Wish me luck!

Location:Treadmill at LVAC

The "I Do" Morph

2010-03-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

I have been engaged since Christmas Day 2008. It seems like forever ago that Mike popped the question, but really the past 14 months have flown by. Now, our wedding is less than four months away, or precisely 114 days from right now. At this time in 114 days I will be putting the finishing touches on my hair and make-up and having my bridesmaids slip into their dresses before helping me get into mine. What an ordeal I'm imagining it to be, but really, I know it's going to fly by quickly. Next year at this time I'll probably be wondering where the time went and sad that I wasn't able savor more of it. But anyway, the point is, there are only 114 more days before I'm determined to look "my best."

I've always taken decent care of myself and been right on top of hygiene, etc., but I've taken measures never taken before by me to make sure that on the day that I don the white wedding gown that I'm looking better than ever. Lose 20 lbs -- check (down 35 actually and still dropping), whiten teeth -- check (in the process at least), find consistent skin regimen -- well, that's the one I'm struggling with ....

I really thought that my biggest hurdle during this process of being motivated to become a better version of myself would be losing weight and being happy with my body. Although I'm not 100% thrilled with my body yet, the losing weight, eating better and exercising part of this "new me" is one of the easiest changes yet! I've never had the greatest skin, and I can probably chalk that up to the crap I shoved in my mouth along with every other reason in the book, but I've always washed my face in the morning and evening, etc., etc. I decided to try to control my skin once and for all and bought Proactiv. Let me tell you, my skin has never looked worse. I swear my face is exploding from the inside out and I'm terrified that I'm going to look like a 15-year-old boy in the middle of puberty on the day of my wedding!

I'm going to stop using Proactiv, but what should I use instead? I tried making an appointment with a local dermatologist on my health care plan and they are scheduling 16 weeks out --- that's four months or approximately my wedding date! Man this sucks.

Why can't transforming yourself come easy? I've said from the get-go that any changes I'm making to my body or myself are not for my wedding, and I'm still sticking with that. Whether I have a pimple on my chin or my hair is out of place or I only lost 35 lbs instead of 45 lbs on my wedding day, it's still going to be one of the best days of my life. It simply took me until I was 25-26 to decide that I want more from myself and damn it, I'm going to get it.

.............................................
By the way, my new find for weight loss cuisine is Progresso soups, and I'm not kidding. If you want a good low-calorie but filling dinner grab a can of soup, it really does work!

.............................................
And for shits and giggles, Here's a picture of me today (On the Right) and I threw in a photo from September (On the Left). Any difference?

I'm Back & Stronger Than Ever?

2010-03-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

So it may feel like I abandoned my blog, but in truth, I didn't feel like I had anything to say so I took a month away to recharge. And now I'm back.

During February I didn't stray at all from my diet, even though I wasn't blogging every day. I logged into my blog daily to update my weight, and I even added a couple of photos, but I didn't want to write just for the sake of writing.

I figure now is a good time to get back to the writing since something recently invaded my house, and it's my diet's worst nightmare: Girl Scout Cookies!

I went to the grocery store on Saturday and ended up coming home with six boxes of cookies and I told myself they were "just for Mike," of course. Well, that plan of action didn't last. I bought one box of Thin Mints, one box of Peanut Butter Patties and four boxes of Samoas (Caramel Delights). Samoas are both of our favorite so I made sure I got plenty. In hindsight, that seems stupid because I didn't want to eat them so I should have just bought one or two boxes to set aside for Mike and been on my way. I have no will power against those little girls in green get-ups!

Now this next part is not for the faint of heart: I kid you not, on Sunday when Mike was working I ate an entire box of Samoas. Not just one or two, not one little row of the delicious cookies, but the entire freaking box. I ate the entire box, by myself, while sitting on my ass watch the U.S. vs. Canada Olympic Gold Medal hockey game. I told myself before I bought those darned things -- Girl Scout cookies will be the demise of me, and boy was I right!

Unfortunately the insanity didn't stop there! As Mike and I were watching TV on Sunday evening I decided to break into the box of Thin Mints. I ate an entire sleeve! I mean, COME ON BETH! This is just horrible.

That was Sunday, and on Monday came intense feelings of regret and remorse. On Tuesday came the realization that I can get past this little hiccup and move forward. Today is Wednesday, and today is the day that I admit my little breakdown to the world and move forward.

I haven't had a single Girl Scout cookie since Sunday evening. Although we have several boxes still sitting in the pantry, including a half-eaten box of Thin Mints, I haven't eaten a single bite and haven't really been tempted by them ether. (Maybe it's the guilt that's kept me in check.)
I think I needed to get the temptation and indulgence out of my system. Who knows. Thank goodness it didn't cost me a single pound !

At lunch today I ate a sandwich from Subway along with a bag of Baked Lays potato chips. After eating those chips I always crave chocolate. I was thinking of running to the vending machine, but instead I've decided to save those calories and have a Girl Scout cookie when I get home. I'll have one, or maybe two if the calories allow it, but nothing more. I guess I'll have to report back tomorrow as to whether or not I stuck with my convictions! Maybe I'll play it safe and have some low-calorie, non-fat chocolate pudding instead.

The Super Bowl Slam

2010-02-08T10:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the Cinderella Story was complete with the New Orleans Saints winning the Super Bowl. However, since I was rooting for neither the Saints nor the Colts to win, I turned all of my attention to the delicious goodies that spoil my diet.

I went into the weekend last Friday a bit hesitant about food in general since I knew it was going to be next to impossible to eat well every meal of each day. Mike's dad was in town, and with our families visiting it's a given that we will be eating very well and at some of our favorite restaurants. I can't pass up the opportunity to enjoy the tasty desserts at a buffet or Chicken Royale at Grand Luxe Cafe at the Venetian ... I just can't. Will power goes completely out the window!

So, instead I do what I always do and allow myself to indulge a little bit and pay for it later. That's right. This weekend I enjoyed a few servings at the buffet at M Resort and I scarfed down Chicken Royale at Grand Luxe Cafe. On top of that we had pizza from Papa Johns plus chips and salsa during the Super Bowl. I even had a Belgian waffle with sugar free syrup on Saturday morning. And guess what? It all tasted amazing!

Now before any of you get concerned for my well being, I will add this: I did control myself when indulging in these goodies. I didn't have helpings upon helpings of chocolate cake and mashed potatoes at the buffet, nor did I eat my entire meal at Grand Luxe. On Sunday I had a couple of slices of pizza and some chips, but didn't eat the entire bag by any means. Today, however, I am not only seeing the difference on the scale (up 2 lbs from last week, but still under 200!), but I'm also feeling the difference. I feel a bit sluggish today, and it no doubt has to do with the fact that my diet over the weekend was less than balanced. It's time to hit the ground running again and be good this week. I need to drop those two gained pounds and many more!

Results are in the Clothing!

2010-01-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

This photo is proof that what you wear can definitely affect how people see your weight! I just threw on jeans and polo this morning and the fit makes me look tubbier than my last photo!

Revisiting my BMI

2010-01-26T10:30:00.000-08:00

It wasn't until I saw an infomercial last night that mentioned Body Mass Index (BMI) that I realized that I haven't even checked what my current BMI is since starting this process. I wrote an entry back in August about being obese and having an awfully high BMI, so I think it's important to see what my process has earned me on that scale.

In August I calculated my BMI using the following guidelines:

Female (yes they ask you to specify)
Age - 25
Height - 5'6"
Weight - 230 lbs.

My Body Mass Index was 37.1.

Here is what the BMI tells you according to your number: You are underweight if your BMI is below 18.5. You are normal if your BMI is 18.5-24.9 and you are overweight if your BMI is 25-29.9. You are considered obese if your BMI is over 30. In August, my BMI clearly put me in the obese category.

I used the same application on my phone (BMI Calculator) to find out what my BMI is today after losing 31 pounds.

Female
Age - 26
Height - 5'6"
Weight - 199

My Body Mass Index right now is 32.1. Although my BMI has dropped five points, I'm still in the obese category. I can't wait to drop below that level because (and I think others can agree with me), realizing you're categorized as 'obese' is a very frightening thing. The word itself sounds horrible.

My dad asked me yesterday what my upcoming goals are and I told him that I would like to be 185 lbs by April 10 (the day of my first wedding gown fitting) and 170 lbs by June 26 (the day of my wedding). That would give me a BMI of 29.8 and 27.4 respectively. Both fall into the overweight category, but my mind accepts that a lot easier than obese!

My goal weight in this process has always been 145-150 and that gives me a BMI of 23.4-24.2. Now that is something I can definitely live with!

Welcome to One-derland!

2010-01-25T11:17:00.000-08:00

I can officially say that I am no longer in the twos. After a weekend of eating really well and drinking copious amounts of water, the scale rewarded me this morning by showing 199.4!

For more than two years, although I'm not sure exactly when I tipped the scale, I have weighed more than 200 pounds. I let the weight creep on during and after college until I was no longer in one-derland, and in turn, no longer even content with my body.

It's been quite a long process since August, but I have finally reached my first true milestone of dropping below that 200 mark, and DAMN DOES IT FEEL GOOD!

As I've reminded other people all day today, I have a long way to go until I reach my ultimate goal, and even until I'm happy with the way I look, but I'm down more than 30 lbs now and that's a monstrous accomplishment in and of itself.

It sounds ridiculous, but after I got showered and dressed this morning I immediately sent a text to my sister, best friend and dad, and emailed my mom in order to share the news with the people who have been along the journey with me. It felt really good not only being proud of myself, but receiving such kind words from those around me and those who love me.

Tomorrow I may step on the scale and it may start with a 2, and that's ok, because I've jumped the hurdle. Every step of this journey has been about taking two steps forward and one step back because the body fluctuates, but the one thing I am absolutely positive of is that I can do it. I am doing it. Welcome to One-derland!

The Donts of Going to the Gym

2010-01-19T14:20:00.000-08:00

After almost getting impaled by a pair of flailing arms attached to the strange little man "running" on the treadmill yesterday, I started compiling a list in my head of all the things you shouldn't do either in the gym or the locker room at a public athletic facility. Now as I've brought up this topic with other people, I realize that an entire book could be written in list-form going from one to a million about what you shouldn't do when waiting for a piece of equipment or proper shower etiquette, but here are a few of the every day items I run into at Las Vegas Athletic Club.

Never pretend to wildly box or flail your arms around when on the treadmill -- those treadmills are usually stacked fairly close together and even if you don't actually touch the person next to you, I guarantee they're noticing you invading their personal space.
Never, ever, under any circumstance ask the person nearest to you in the locker room to grab something you forgot by or in your locker when you're in the shower. I'm not your friend, and if you do that I will never be your friend. If you forgot your shampoo or loofah, please just turn the shower off, wrap your towel around you and grab the forgotten item(s) on your own. Being in a locker room in a public facility is nothing like being in a sorority girl's bathroom on Revenge of the Nerds or any other teenage angst and cult classic.
Don't engage in casual conversations when you're naked. This is another big locker room pet peeve of mine. If you just hopped out of the shower and are naked and preparing to get dressed and ready to leave, please put your clothes on before complimenting my top, asking about my iPhone or casually commenting about how packed the gym was today. Congrats if you're comfortable enough in your own skin to be a nudist, but that doesn't mean the people you're approaching want to see everything you're letting hang out.
Unless absolutely necessary like all machines are taken and you're in a time crunch, don't ask someone to "work in" with their sets on a machine or ask when they'll be finished with an elliptical or treadmill. There are so many exercises that one person can do and enough equipment to use that you can adjust your routine slightly or wait your turn for someone to finish using the machine you want to use. If you ask to "work in" with them, it becomes more time-consuming and a bigger pain in the ass to coordinate changing weights back and forth and adjusting the seats and rests that it would be for you to wait an extra five minutes. While I'm at it, don't hover either, it's just really rude and annoying. If you want the machine next, just tell me briefly and I promise I'll let you know when I'm finished.
My last "don't" for this short list is this: Don't loiter and make other people wait to use machines when you aren't really using them properly or at all. There's nothing worse than watching two teenage girls flirt with the guys while barely trotting on the treadmill while there's a line of people waiting. Or, watching some dude do 15 sets of two with too much weight on a machine because the chick across the aisle from him is really working hard at what she's doing. Believe it or not, some people want to get into the gym, get done with what they want and go on with their day.

When I go to the gym, I'm usually on some sort of time constraint. Although I may not have an important meeting or something to get to after I leave, I usually tell myself that I want to be home by such and such time so I can have dinner and relax. For instance, this afternoon I'm heading to the gym after work, but I want to be home by 5 p.m. so I can eat dinner, finish some housework and still have time to relax before bed. If I get to the gym at 3:20 and have to wait 15 minutes at every machine for people lazily doing what they're doing then there's no way I'll get everything done I want to get done and make it home by 5. Not the end of the world, but that's when etiquette comes into play.

I know there are a lot of little annoyances that people come across on a daily basis, but these are just a few things that I seem to see a lot at the LVAC I go to. I think it's all about being considerate. After all, this is a public place with people of all shapes, sizes and walks of life using the same facility.

Excuses, Excuses

2010-01-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Mike and I got an early start from our house to drive to Primm, Nevada to pick something up at the outlet mall that we couldn't find at the outlets in Las Vegas. Just like every morning, Mike needed coffee from Dunkin Donuts down the street and so we stopped through the drive-thru on the way out of town.

As we sat in the drive-thru waiting to order Mike's regular coffee with cream, sugar and a few ice cubes, I kept dreaming about a delicious donut or a grilled cheese flat bread. It was at that moment, the few seconds before placing our order, that I realized how many times a day I attempt to come up with "legitimate" excuses to eat something or indulge or go outside my diet.

I grew up hearing the phrase "excuses, excuses" over and over again when I would say something to legitimize not cleaning my room or not eating all of my vegetables or to get out of being in trouble for my latest shenanigans. It certainly didn't get me anywhere then, but over time I've allowed myself to indulge in those little excuses and basically get away with eating a donut when we stop at Dunkin Donuts or not go to the gym because I had a "long day."

Thinking about this yesterday really made me look at the bigger picture and how many times I either make excuses and accept them or attempt to make excuses every day. It's really ridiculous, but I do it all the time. Through this process (going on six months) of changing my eating patterns and losing weight I've gotten better at not buying into my little excuses and not rationalizing why I just have to stop for an Egg McMuffin from McDonalds for breakfast, but from time to time my incredible skills of wordplay and legitimate excuses get the better of me and I indulge. And what do you think is the aftermath of those little lapses? Regret, sorrow and sometimes even tears for allowing myself to get tied up in the excuses.

Now before you assume what happened, I didn't get anything at Dunkin Donuts yesterday morning and we actually didn't get fast food anywhere on our little adventure, but that didn't stop the scale from escalating more than a pound today. I know, I know, there are a lot of factors that come into play every single day before I step on the scale like water weight, simple bloating, the fact that I've felt ill for two days, etc., but I still hate seeing the numbers increase instead of decrease.

I'm almost there though, I'm almost in the one-hundreds and not two-hundreds, and I can't weight, no pun intended! I can't help but wonder though, is anyone else still trying to lose weight out there? Is anyone who has been with me since September still on their own journey? I hope you are, I hope we can keep pushing forward.

Pathetic?

2010-01-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

This morning I was realizing that I'm literally less than two pounds from finally being out of the 200s. I was so excited that I jumped up and down a little bit and applauded myself for the progress I've made. It was after that point that I realized just how pathetic this whole thing actually is.

When I moved to Nevada two and a half years ago I weighed 170-175 lbs. and swore to myself that with this new location, job, life, that I would drop the weight I gained in college. Well that obviously didn't happen! Contrary to that, I gained 50-60 lbs. like it was my job. The pathetic part is that I let that happen to myself and I was okay with it for so long! Why in the world did it take someone else inspiring me or a mini epiphany to make the decision to lose weight. My weight was unhealthy, and it still is unhealthy, it's as simple as that, and that should have been enough to get my eating, exercising and growing waistline under control!

Today I stepped on the scale and saw 201.8. Today was the first time in more than two years that I weighed 201 lbs. That, to me, is pathetic. I can't sit here and swear up and down that I will never gain weight again or I won't ever reach 210, 220, 230 again because I don't know what life has in store, but I'm really praying that all that I've learned since August will stay with me and help me keep a better perspective on my life.

My Hurdles

2010-01-12T08:24:00.001-08:00

As I went back and re-read a few of my blog postings, I realized that I have a few hurdles that I really need to work hard on to overcome in 2010. I've been stagnant in the 201-205 lb. range for almost two months and my first hurdle is to hit that 200 lb. mark and push past it. At this point I'm about ready to throw myself a party when I hit 200 lb. since it's been such a long time coming!

Last night I thought a lot about what other hurdles I have to jump over before I can continue on to the finish line, and I thought I'd share those. The hurdles, I think, are a bigger part of the process than eating right and exercising because they play more into the mental aspect of the journey and are less calculated than reminding myself to go to the gym or not eat chocolate whenever I want.
Here are five hurdles I'm working to overcome in 2010:

1. Eating my emotions: Although I've gotten better at not grabbing a bag of potato chips when I'm feeling blue, I know that I still have an overwhelming feeling to eat junk food or eat large quantities of food when my emotions are getting the better of me. This is my #1 hurdle to jump over this year. I want food to be less important than my well-being.

2. The gym takes all my time: For some reason I have it set in my mind that the gym=all my time. I dread going to the gym a lot of the time because I equate it with eating up a large portion of my day, when in reality I'm only there no more than a couple of hours.

3. "Cheat Days" are good: When I started this weight loss journey back in August, I told myself that I wouldn't have any "cheat days" during the week where I allowed myself more calories than normal. I've realized now those special days are not only okay for the diet if they are spaced out and a supplement to eating right, but they're actually beneficial to my diet and to my mind frame. Having a day to indulge in mashed potatoes eases my mind of being so stringent and worried about calories, AND I get to enjoy some of the foods that I love that I put aside due to my weight-loss goals.

4. Exercise does not always mean the gym: I always equate exercising with going to the gym and using the equipment. I haven't been the type of person to go on long walks or take a hike in Red Rock since early college when I was an avid rock climber, so with my goals to exercise more it's been all about going to the gym or watching exercise videos. So many people that I know go hiking or biking or play football in the park and burn calories that way. A real goal for me this year is to exercise more not only at the gym, but using out-of-the-box techniques as well.

5. Self-perception: Although it isn't listed as #1, possibly my biggest hurdle in 2010 and in life is the way I view myself. I've lost 30 lbs., I'm proud of what I see in the mirror, and yet I still don't view myself in a positive light. My biggest hurdle is self-criticism and low self-esteem. It's time to change that. Actually, changing my self-perception is WAY past due.

These are only a few of the hurdles I want to overcome in the next few months, but are only a handful of the hurdles I've come across on this journey. I have a long way to go before I'm happy with myself, but sometimes even I'm surprised by my progress and by the change in my everyday life. Eating is no longer the most important part of the day, but instead it supplements my actions and activities. I said it once and I'll say it again, I think 2010 is going to be a great year.

New Photo!

2010-01-11T15:33:00.000-08:00

Today's been an odd day. I haven't had a chance to write a new blog, but here's a very recent photo -- taken this morning!

Planning Ahead

2010-01-07T13:52:00.001-08:00

I knew today was going to be a rough day when it comes to eating because before I even woke up, I knew that I was going to eat out twice. With plans for lunch and dinner already in place, I decided to do as much research as possible before going out so I stick to my calorie count and don't over indulge.

Since I know a lot of people struggle with eating out and choosing right, I thought I'd share my diet today with anyone interested. I still ate and will eat the things I really like so eating out is still a great experience.

For breakfast I started as I usually do with a shake. I've been buying and drinking the slim fast-esque shapes from Target. Each can is only 170 calories and they come in similar flavors to Slim Fast. I also compared the ingredients and nutrients and found that they are practically identical. However, at this point in time, I'd say Target is the better option since it's lacking bacteria!

For lunch I went to Pei Wei with coworkers and for dinner Mike and I are meeting friends of ours at The Yard House. Here's how my calorie count (1,439 total for the day) works out for today.

Breakfast: Diet Shake - 170 calories
Lunch: Pei Wei - Mongolian Chicken with Brown Rice (whole serving) - 560 + 130 = 690
Dinner: The Yard House - Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad with dressing on side - 365 + 75 = 440

Total Calories - 1,300 calories.

I'm doing what I always aim to do and that's to eat my largest, most calorie heavy meal, in the middle of the day so my body has more time to digest it. Now, since I haven't gone to dinner yet, I've also planned an alternative meal in case I get there and the salad sounds horrible. I also looked up the nutritional information for the Margherita Pizza. I can have 2 slices for 285 calories or 4 slices for 570 calories. Even if I eat four slices my total calorie count would be 1,430 for the day and that falls right into where I need it to be.

Feelin' Good

2010-01-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

I think it's safe to say that 2009 is behind us and we are well in the thick of things for 2010. Yesterday I spent more than enough time organizing files and making sure the loose ends of 2009 are wrapped up and I'm prepared for what's to come in 2010. I've even found that even though I'm back to not snacking or enjoying a chocolatey treat whenever I want, I'm relieved to be eating healthier.

During the holiday season I enjoyed eating cookies and having a piece of chocolate that was delivered to the office, but I didn't feel well overall. My stomach seemed perpetually upset, I felt sluggish and tired all of the time. I forgot that along with eating well and exercising regularly comes an overall feeling of good health and being refreshed.

I'm only back in the game a couple of days right now, but my body feels better. I think it also has to do with the fact that I've instantly cut back on the amount of Diet Coke I'm drinking and I've been consuming water like we're about to run out forever, but whatever the reason, I can already feel the positive impact.

Here are five simple guidelines that I'm sticking to this New Year, in lieu of a "New Year's Resolution":

Always take the stairs.
Drink more water than anything else / always carry water with me.
Never deprive myself of sleep, if for some reason this happens, make time to catch up.
Go to the gym every week without fail (obviously a more regular goal is in place, but this is a generic guideline).
Never deprive myself of something sweet, just be sure to take it in moderation.

What are your little guidelines for 2010? Care to share, leave a comment here!

Schedule - I Miss You!

2010-01-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

Although I did alright throughout the holiday season with maintaining the weight I'd lost, the one thing I realized is not only the importance of having a routine or organized schedule, but just how much I missed having one. I'm a fairly organized person, and I've always been the type to plan ahead so when my schedule is a muck, I feel out of control.

From Thanksgiving through New Year's, my schedule has been crazy! Between days off at work, visitors from out of town and traveling to see my family in Minnesota, it feels like we've been running ragged for weeks! I've enjoyed almost every second of the holiday season, but there's something soothing and refreshing about getting back to the daily grind this week. I like knowing that I'm going to wake up at 6:30, work from 8-3, hit the gym after work and then go home to have dinner with Mike and relax until bed time. I like having that routine because it's comforting, and above all else, it helps me keep my weight loss routine as well.

When my schedule isn't crazy I find it easier to eat according to plan, go to the gym as often as I should and not snack. As soon as random events come up or dramatic things happen to change my schedule I tend to use it as an excuse to eat differently, not go to the gym, and snack if I'm feeling stressed. So, 2010, here I come! I'm back on track, back to my normal schedule and ready to continue dropping the pounds!

What I need, however, are tips on how to roll with the punches. Any ideas on how I can stick to my plan when curve balls throw my schedule for a loop? Should I bring more healthy snacks with me or do exercises at home when I can't get to the gym? I need some advice!

Photos

2010-01-03T15:03:00.001-08:00

Here are two photos taken in December.

Let's Do This

2010-01-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone! Happy New Year and welcome to 2010.

This year is going to be a big one for me with my wedding in less than six months followed by a honeymoon to my favorite place on earth, London. I can't wait to see what 2010 brings, and with that, I'm looking forward to continuing the journey I started 4.5 months ago.

To date, I have lost 30 pounds and I'm well on my way to my ultimate goal of weighing 145-150 pounds. I decided to stop "dieting" during the holiday season in order to allow myself to enjoy a delicious Christmas cookie now and then, and to not add a whole lot of stress to an already stressful season. Instead, I made the decision to maintain my weight loss during the holidays and hit the ground running in the new year.

I'm happy to report that during December, I gained exactly one pound, nothing more and that is something I'm proud to let you all know. Today I weighed myself and I'm at 202.6 pounds. I still haven't reached that solid 200-pound mark yet, but I've come a very long way from just over 230 pounds and not gaining it all back was my first accomplishment in knowing that maintaining is the hardest thing to do!

Tomorrow, it's back to my normal routine including shakes for breakfast and usually dinner, and watching my calories meticulously using the LoseIt application on my iPhone. It also means it's time to hit the gym regularly again (along with 10,000 other people with "new year's resolutions). Now that I'm back at it (and within six months of my wedding!) I'm definitely going to need some words of encouragement.

For all of you just getting back to the weight-loss routine, I wish you all the best! Don't make "losing 20 pounds" your resolution right now, but instead make it an attainable, daily-routine changing goal for years to come. I don't want to lose weight as a resolution in 2010, but I want to continue dropping pounds and being healthy this year to prepare myself for many years to come.

Happy New Year everyone! I promise that I'll post a new photo soon!

Taking a Break - from Blogging not dieting

2009-12-16T09:10:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that due to my strange schedule the next few weeks I'm going to take a hiatus from blogging until after Christmas, and possibly after New Year's. I will try to still update my weight everyday, but I won't be blogging daily.

If you're interested in what I'm up to during this time, feel free to email me at losingweightforadummy@gmail.com.

Have a great holiday season, happy Christmas and New Year!

'Julie & Julia' Please Parallel Me

2009-12-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight Mike and I rented "Julie and Julia" the movie based on two true stories including the life of the famous Julia Child. For anyone who isn't familiar with the basic storyline of the movie, a woman who is unsatisfied with her career and stuck in a rut found solace, a new beginning and her life in the book, "Mastering the Art of French Cooking," Julia Child's masterpiece and launching point. The movie parallels the modern-day cook, Julie, who cooks all the recipes in the book in one year and blogs about it while giving an in-depth look into Julia Child's life. Although a bit long, the movie was great because the two stories are incredible. Learning to cook brought Julia Child to life and taking on the cooking/blogging adventure brought Julie back to life.

While I was watching the movie, and I have a feeling while Mike was watching it as well, I kept thinking about myself and how some of this plot is similar to my life, but the amazing parts of

this movie aren't paralleling my life well enough. Is it too much to ask for the movie to please parallel me? I'm just kidding.

One of the most important things I have realized lately, whether it's because of my weight loss or poor eating habits, my job or my daily routines, is that life is better when I'm blissful. Amy Adams' character in "Julie & Julia" goes through extreme ups and downs that follow the patterns of her everyday life. When cooking isn't going well, she's arguing with her husband and her job is at its worse she has breakdowns, gets ill and wants to give up. On the other hand, when her chocolate cake is perfection (and looked delicious I must say), she lets the stresses of her job drop off her shoulders and laughs hysterically to Saturday Night Live while cuddling with her husband, she's not only blissfully happy, but healthier too.

When I'm in my highest states and singing merrily to the holiday carols, I eat healthier and in better portions, I laugh more, my back hurts less and I'm motivated to do anything and everything. Adversely, the exact opposite happens when I'm in a bad mood or my overall state is low. My mood is having much too great an affect on my weight loss program. Now don't worry please, for anyone who may actually be reading this, I haven't gained back all that weight and I'm still extremely happy that I'm at a stable 202 lbs., but when I'm having a bad day it's still really hard for me not to eat an entire box of snow caps plus a bag of popcorn, dinner and some frozen yogurt. I refrain quite well, but it's getting harder and harder to be strong as my mood becomes lower and lower this holiday season.

Amy Adams reaches a breaking point in the movie where she has "breakdowns" one after the other and eventually comes to verbal blows with her husband. She stops cooking, omits things in her blog and is really depressed. When she comes out of it however, she shines like the brightest star in her personal endeavors and that radiates clearly into her professional life, her relationships and her cooking. It's really inspirational.

This holiday season is kind of rough for me because I don't actually feel like it's the holidays since we're spending it away from the snow-covered Midwest. That combined with a few other personal factors, and I'm not my normal, sarcastic and happy self. I'm close, but not quite there. So hopefully this is my low and it takes a little bit of inspiration, a visit with my parents and a few days off work on the holidays to rejuvenate my weight-losing spirit to get back (completely) on the right track -- a proverbial turning of my frown upside down.

It's kind of ironic that I've found inspiration in a film that focuses completely on cooking and eating, when my own blog focuses on refraining from over-eating and controlling food and weight. Now, if only I could get the same following from my blog that Julie was able to get and that whole publishing deal wouldn't be too bad either ... hehehe.

As Julia Child's famously crooned, "Bon Appetite!"

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

2009-12-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

The hardest thing about trying to lose weight during the holiday season it turns out, isn't avoiding snacking on delicious Christmas cookies or gorging myself on stuffing and mashed potatoes. My problem is much more simple than keeping away from sweets, it lies in my will power and motivation.

I am seriously lacking some motivation right now and it doesn't help that Slim Fast just issued a major recall on all of their shakes. I usually have a Slim Fast shake for breakfast and dinner, but now what do I do? I know, I know, there are hundreds of solutions for this itty bitty problem, but I'm a creature of habit and I prefer not to add change to my daily routines.

It's been almost two weeks of me staying steady at 203 lbs and all I want to do is push beyond that weight and make it to that nagging 200. It sounds simple enough, but I still can't really exercise due to the disc problem in my back and without that exercise, motivation is definitely on the decrease!

It is Dec. 7 and I have only 18 days until Christmas and 18 days until my parents are in Las Vegas visiting me and my fiance for a long weekend. I really want to be at 200 pounds or below by that date. I know I've had the 200 lb. goal for a long time, but it's really time I hit it. That way I can enter the new year with a new perspective, more motivation and keep on trucking down the weight scale.

For all of you lacking motivation at this time of year, don't worry, you're not alone. We all just need to help keep each other moving in the right direction!

Sluggish Friday

2009-12-04T10:03:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling a little sluggish and unmotivated today. I don't really know what else to say about it, other than I hope I can just push past the mental side of feeling unmotivated and work hard through the weekend to drop past 203.4 -- the weight I've been for 3 days straight.

Nothing's really making me feel unmotivated and there isn't any significant reason why I'm a little blue, but I could use a little holiday cheer. Send it my way please!

A Good Laugh

2009-12-03T11:20:00.001-08:00

It's not every day that I can look in the mirror and laugh at myself, but it happened to me this morning. When I say laugh, I'm not referring to a slight giggle, but instead a full-on outburst of laughter mixed with a couple of tears.

This morning I walked into the bathroom in the master bedroom to get ready for work. I turned to walk into the closet and caught a glimpse of my little beer belly in the mirror poking out from above my pajama pants and below the hem of the tank top I was wearing. Four months ago that would have made me cry hysterically on the floor, but this morning it made my laugh uncontrollably. Something about seeing the actual roll of fat that I'm attempting to combat, and picturing myself on peopleofwalmart.com made me absolutely lose it.

I don't really think this is normal or even healthy, and I know for certain that it looked horrendous, but it made me realize that the image I have of myself is changing. I've said before that it's changing, but it's one thing to say it and believe it, and entirely another thing to actually practice it. I haven't lost 75 pounds yet, and I still enjoy a couple of slices of pizza every now and then, but I have improved so much from August until today. And I'm extremely thankful for that.

I know today's post was nothing profound, but I have been thinking about my laughing fit all morning so I thought I would share. I did add two photos of me today. Enjoy!

I Survived the Radio

2009-12-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

Morning everyone! I just wanted to say thanks to all of you that tuned in to The Last Cookie Club radio show last night from 4-5 p.m. on KLAV 1230 am. Former Las Vegas casino owner and author, Gary Mahoney invited me to be on his show to talk a little bit about my weight struggles and the journey I've been on since August to drop the excess fat. I think it went great!

If you missed the show and are interested in listening to it, you can visit www.lastcookieclub.com/podcast.php. This will link you to all of the Last Cookie Club archived shows. If you have any comments about things I said, or the show in general, please leave them here or send me an e-mail to let me know. I thrive off feedback, and reading comments from all of you is what really keeps me moving forward.

Also on yesterday's show was a friend of Gary's named Greg. Greg is not overweight and does not have a problem with overeating, but he's no stranger to addiction. Gary brought him on the show to talk about how he's recovered from his own addictions and to bring up the power of meditation. Both Gary and Greg use meditation heavily to help with their addictions and recovery processes. For me, I've never really tried meditating, beyond what teachers may have had us do during various college-level classes. I've honestly never really been interested in it, but I think it may be worth trying.

The most important thing that I've learned through all of this is that each one of us, regardless of our addiction or problem, recovers and moves forward in a different manner. Meditation may not work for me because I need to share my thoughts and feelings in order to move forward, but maybe it will help me focus. I think trying new methods is important, but the key is to not use everything all at once so it all gets jumbled.

I learned yesterday that talking about my story on the radio made me think a lot more about how exactly I came to be the way I am. It was extremely thought-provoking and I'm grateful for that because there are some aspects of my weight-gain and weight-loss that had never crossed my mind before. I think I have a lot more thinking to do, and maybe Gary will even invite me to be on his show again sometime soon.

I hope all of you had a fabulous Thanksgiving holiday and are back in the swing of work and school and standard schedules. Happy Holidays everyone!

Christmas Card/Holiday Photos!

2009-12-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

Now that the holidays are officially upon us, it's time to revisit one of my favorite passions: photographing families! If you live in the Las Vegas area and are interested in having someone take family photos for Christmas or holiday cards, or photos of your kids to develop for gifts for relatives, I can do that for you at extremely low rates.

I've included a few photos from a shoot I did three weeks ago with a family who are using the photos to not only document the age of their new baby, but for this year's Christmas card as well.

My services include the shoot, photo editing and a disc with the images for

a flat, low rate. If you'd like to have photos ordered as well, I can arrange

that too, based on vendor pricing.

If you're interested in more samples or more information, please email the address linked to this blog (to avoid putting my phone number up for the world to see) losingweightforadummy@gmail.com.

Last Cookie Club Radio Show

2009-12-01T08:34:00.001-08:00

So I thought some of you may be interested in listening to the Last Cookie Club radio show this afteroon. I have been asked to be a guest on the program from 4-5 p.m. (pacific time). You can click "listen live" at www.klav1230am.com to tune in.

Former Las Vegas casino owner and author of "The Last Cookie Club" hosts a weekly talk show that focuses not only on weight loss, but on the ups and downs of maintaining weight and being on a weight-focused journey. We're going to talk about my journey so far, how to handle the holidays and anything else he may come up with!

Feel free to listen if you get the chance!

They All Noticed My Changes!

2009-11-30T11:14:00.000-08:00

While I was home over the Thanksgiving weekend, I was pleased that I received several compliments on my weight loss. People that I've known my entire life, and individuals I met only recently all noticed the change in my size. It felt fantastic to be complimented like that!

I was a bit nervous to return to weighing myself this morning like I would any normal morning because I thought for sure that the scale would prove that I gained 10, 15 or 20 pounds from all of the delicious food I ate over the long weekend. Everything from wedding cake tasting to pizza and Thanksgiving turkey to buffalo wings, I had it all and enjoyed it! I was pleasantly surprised, however, when the scale showed 205.4. That is a weight I can definitely deal with and a good way to start my journey again.

I was thinking about my New Year's goal, to be down to somewhere around 180 lbs, and I know for sure that I won't be able to do that since that's 25+ lbs in four weeks, but I would like to drop comfortably into the 100s. It would be nice to see the scale start with a "1" even when I fluctuate up and down dramatically.

Tonight Mike and I are having homemade perogies for dinner with bacon, something that isn't exactly weight-friendly, but I have to get them in before I swear off naughty foods for awhile! I survived the first big holiday filled with delicious treats practically unscathed, and I know I have another one right around the corner. It's time to be on my best behavior so when those Christmas cookies cause temptations, I can have one for taste, but not splurge and ruin all of my hard work!

There are two photos from the weekend taken with my iPhone in this blog. One is a picture of Mike with his new nephew Evan after Evan's christening on Saturday, and the other is of me and my best friend, Stephanie at her dad's 60th birthday party. Mike popped into the background of that one too!

Heading Home ...

2009-11-29T14:11:00.001-08:00

I can't remember thr last time I had such a wonderful weekend. I don't think I've been this happy since we went to Hawaii with my parents last February/March. Spending four days with my family, Mike's family and our friends was just what the doctor ordered to prepare my mind and soul for a cheerful holiday season.

The four day weekend was busy and packed wih great food that I just couldn't avoid. I'll definitely have to work a little harder to work off those extra calories from the turkey dinner, cake and excessive snacking, but all of it was absolutely worth it.

Mike and I also got a lot accomplished for the upcoming wedding as well. Friday was extremely busy and filled with appointments, but we made great strides forward. We reserved the cake, booked the florist, chose the invitations and had our engagement photo shoot.

So we're about to take off so I have to get this posted. I'll add a couple photos in the near future!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T10:53:00.001-08:00

Although I wasn't able to blog yesterday and offer some tips to all of you, I still wanted to drop a line and say happy thanksgiving!

Make sure you spend time with family and enjoy lots of great food. For me, I'm going to splurge a little bit and enjoy every minute of it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Family is key at Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T10:17:00.001-08:00

I'm not going to lie, I was surprised by the results of last week's poll. When I asked readers what their favorite aspect of Thanksgiving is, I was expecting almost everyone to check the response for "The Food!" To my shock and awe, the number one answer was "being with family."

Eighteen percent of responses were for the food, 54% were for "being with family," 9% were for "taking part in traditions" and 18% were for football. I know for me, my opinion of the holiday has changed over the past couple of years. I haven't celebrated Thanksgiving with my family for three years and so this year I'm ecstatic to be around my family and Mike's family.

If you would have asked me three years ago what my favorite aspect of Thanksgiving was I would have told you that it was the food, hands down.Where else, in one sitting, can you consume juicy turkey, wine, cranberry sauce (preferably from a can hahaha), mashed potatoes with gravy, veggies, corn casserole, green bean hot dish, apple pie and on occasion, even Christmas cookies?!?! It's like heaven on one table. That may explain the extra pounds that have made a home around my waist in the past couple of years.

No matter what you're reason is for being excited for Thursday's holiday, I hope you have a great one! I can't wait to hop on the plane, see my family and eat some fantastic food. I can't believe it's Thanksgiving already! Where has time gone?

Status Update

2009-11-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

So I figured I'd offer all of you a little update on my current condition, both weight-wise and health-related since I seem to be falling apart from the inside, out.

I finally took everyone's advice, or maybe just gave in since I was being talked to sternly, and went to visit the doctor on Friday afternoon. After getting "examined" for less than three minutes the doctor told me to take 6-8 ibuprofen four times a day. I should probably note that he also never actually looked at my back with his eyes, or touched me with his hands. His inspection consisted of him asking me to bend forward and touch my toes (which I couldn't do). It's worth adding that I can never touch my toes regardless of the condition of my back since I'm the least flexible human being on the planet.

As if that wasn't irritating and odd enough (not to mention not worth the $35 I paid for it), It wasn't until I was signing the bill at the receptionist's desk and about to leave that the 15-year-old behind the counter "reminded" me to pick up my prescription at Target. Um .... what prescription? The doctor never bothered to tell me that he prescribed me Lortab for the shooting pain to take intermittently with the ibuprofen. What is wrong with health care in this stupid state?

I began taking the medication as prescribed (both the Lortab and ibuprofen) Friday afternoon, and treating my back with heat as the doctor said (but "absolutely no ice") and my back felt a little better on Saturday. The shooting pains had disappeared, and what was left was the throbbing, consistent pain. Believe it or not, but that was easier to handle. The relief was short-lived, however, since I woke up this morning (Sunday) and the pain had returned. To make matters worse, I picked up the basket of clean laundry to take upstairs (you can all yell at me later for lifting things) and tripped over the dog that was running around my feet. I wrenched my back again and now the shooting pains have returned. It's like returning to ground zero. The good news is that I know that all it's going to take to get past this is time, and time is something I have.

As for my weight, I'm well on my way to making it to 200 pounds by Thanksgiving morning. I need to make sure I eat extremely well Monday-Wednesday especially since my movement is limited these days. I know I can do it, and boy will it feel good the first time I see 200 or 199 in almost two years!

I can't wait for this week to blow by, weight goal met or not, because Mike and I are heading back to Minnesota and Wisconsin to celebrate Thanksgiving with our families, the christening of his nephew and a whole lot of wedding preparation stuff! So, in the spirit of that, I will apologize in advance if my blog-writing is less than up to par Thursday through Sunday. I'm going to be a bit busy, and I'm looking forward to every second of it!

I'm Falling Apart ... Literally

2009-11-19T13:13:00.000-08:00

A doctor once told me that dramatic changes such as weight gain or weight loss, heightened stress levels or emotional tragedy can cause a severe shift in your body. Although my weight loss is not yet dramatic, if I were to couple that with high stress then I think my body may be reacting according to this doctor's theory. I am literally falling apart.

I have spent more than two weeks nursing the before, during and after symptoms of the flu and a cold. Now that I am just about out of the weeds with that bug, my body is falling apart. I still exercise regularly and I haven't done anything to over-exert myself physically, yet my back is barely working.

Starting yesterday during lunch, while seated in a wooden, upright chair, I started feeling uncomfortable and my lower back began to ache. I didn't think much of it, but when I stood up to leave the restaurant at the end of lunch, shooting pains ran down my spine, through my lower back, through my buttocks and into my thighs. The pain was horrendous. I ended up spending the afternoon walking barefoot (because walking in 3-inch heels became impossible) and hunched over like a 99-year-old woman with osteoporosis.

Last night I spent much of the evening taking ibuprofen and resting with a heating pad, but woke up again this morning with the same shooting pains. I can barely walk up and down the flights of stairs in our office without being on the verge of tears. It's horrible.

I called a local chiropractor and of course my insurance is worthless when it comes to this matter. Just a single visit is upwards of $60 and that's just for the evaluation to "see if anything's wrong with me." So, I'm going to keep stretching, taking ibuprofen and treating my back with heat and ice to try and relax the muscles and gain some movement back. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I hope that's true!

A New Photo of Me -Taken Today

2009-11-18T14:23:00.001-08:00

I Survived My Lunch

2009-11-18T13:49:00.000-08:00

First of all I want to thank everyone who sent me Facebook messages, left comments on my blog, texted me and responded via Twitter to my cry for help regarding my lunch situation. The lunch went fantastic by the way, and I found something to eat that wasn't too far off my health/weight-watching radar.

We went to Landry's Seafood House by Palace Station in Las Vegas. Off their lunch menu I ordered "Chicken and Mushrooms." The dish was simple: grilled chicken w/sauteed mushrooms with some sort of a mushroom-based cream sauce drizzled over it. That was served with a light rice pilaf and steamed broccoli. When I looked it all up, it actually falls well within my calorie count, so I was satisfied.

As for the meal itself, unfortunately it was the driest piece of chicken I have ever eaten. I ate all of it though because I was starving!

Thanks again everyone for your great suggestions. As always, I love advice and learning from others who have gone through or are going through the same journey as me!

In a Tough Spot

2009-11-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

So, I need some help, and anyone with ideas please feel free to comment.

I'm heading to lunch in two hours for a business meeting, and I'm going to a restaurant I've never been to before. Now, I've been in this situation before and I did what I always do: I looked up the menu online and rifled through it to find something to order before I actually go to the restaurant.

Here is where I reach my dilemma. We're going to a seafood restaurant and I don't eat seafood or fish of any kind. There are other items on the menu, but the non-seafood/fish items are all pastas or fried or are extremely high in carbs, calories and fat. So, what do I do without A) Being Rude, B) Starving or C) Cancelling?

I could order I side salad, I suppose, or a pasta and only eat a third of it. Do any of you have suggestions?

By the way, I'll write another post after lunch to let you know what happened and what I chose to do. Please Help Me!

Dear Santa ...

2009-11-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

In college I had a professor that asked us to write a letter to Santa Claus. She said it was cathartic and also a good writing exercise. Before that class, the last time I wrote a letter to Santa was when I was still writing with crayons. I'm sure I asked for things like Legos and Barbies or playing cards, and in college I asked for a new cell phone or car or a trip to the Caribbean. This year I've decided to revive the tradition and write a good, old-fashioned letter to the jolliest man we know. So, here goes...

Dear Santa,

I don't know if I've been good this year because I think that term is relevant, but I know I've tried hard to be a good person and given my all to fulfilling my commitments. I'm fortunate in that I'm not left wanting a lot, my fiance tends to spoil me rotten, but I've managed to find a thing or two that I would love to receive under or adjacent-to my proverbial tree this year.

If you have an extra one in your bag, I'd love a trip to London. I know we're spending our honeymoon there, but I truly can't get enough. If you'd like to throw in a flat in Kensington, I wouldn't mind that either. Also, if you happen to specialize in guidance, I'd love a kick in the right direction toward figuring out what I want to do with my life and career. I may be 26, but I'm no closer to knowing that I want to be a doctor, lawyer or Pulitzer-prize winning writer now than I was at 16.

Lastly, and I doubt you can find this in your bag of presents (perhaps liposuction equipment or diet pills, but I want neither of those), could you please find a way to get rid of my belly fat, love handles, excessively large boobs and tree-trunk thighs? I'd really appreciate for all the excess of Me to disappear overnight, preferably from Dec. 24 to Dec. 25. That would be a perfect gift.

Love,

Beth

Hmm, something tells me I'm not going to get anything in that last paragraph for Christmas, at least not directly from Santa like he waived a magic wand or something so I'll just have to stick to my own hard work. The other ideas have merit though. I'll have to let you all know if any of my Christmas wishes come true! What do you want for Christmas? If you share your letters here, maybe it can be a one-stop-shop for the big guy in the red suit.

Weight Causes Clinical Depression For Some

2009-11-16T14:01:00.000-08:00

I wasn't surprised to get a large number of responses when I asked my readers about weight-gain and how that relates to feelings of depression, but I was surprised by the poll's actual results.

Ninety-three percent of readers who answered the poll responded to "has your weight ever caused you to be depressed?" with a favorable response, leaving only 7% who answered negatively. Of those 93% who answered yes, more than 20% said they've become clinically depressed either now or at some point in time, because of their weight.

That number is astounding. More than 20% of individuals who are reading my blog have been labeled clinically depressed as a result of their weight. I didn't specify what the issue with weight was in the question, whether it's an eating disorder, weight gain or even dramatic weight loss, but my assumption is that the majority of people who answered the question and who are reading this blog on a regular or semi-regular basis responded based on weight gain.

I don't answer the questions myself, but if I would have answered this poll, I would have selected "yes, but not clinically depressed." Although I've never sought treatment due to the anxious feelings I've experienced because of the weight I've gained over the last five years, I have still gone through many ups and downs. It's very tiring and the thoughts have weighed very heavily on my mind about what I'm wearing and how other people perceive me, what I'm eating and whether or not someone sitting across the table sees a fat girl shoveling chow into her mouth. It's a feeling of being very insecure overall and it was pretty much the main emotion I've experienced for several years.

It wasn't until I made the actual decision to take control, not only of my weight, but of the way I look and the way I portray myself to the public, that I've been able to shift the way my mind thinks. I'm not so worried or obsessed about whether or not someone else sees me as fat or ugly, etc., but now I put more energy into how I perceive myself. If I think I look good then confidence is growing. What I've noticed is that the more confidence I gain, the more often someone else, whether stranger or friend, notices what I'm wearing. I've been complimented more times in the past 3 months (the amount of time I've been on this weight loss journey) than I had been the entire 10 years prior. Now I know that that just seems like a sad statistic, but don't get me started on my ex-boyfriends and those self-esteem issues. Just kidding .... sort of.

So, since this is such a large issue, I decided to talk with a doctor/friend of mine about the fundamental problems that are linked with weight gain and depression issues. He helped me narrow down a couple of pointers that have helped me, and can help other people keep those feelings of self-loathing, depression and or anxiety at bay. Losing weight is a process, it's a long journey that takes time and doesn't just happen over night. My friend told me that changing your frame of mind also takes a lot of time. So, start small and get big -- in a non-weight-gaining type of way. Here are his suggestions: control your stress in whatever manner works for you without eating the entire contents of the fridge (i.e. exercise, meditation, relaxation); get plenty of sleep (even if it means taking a Tylenol PM to kick start your first 8-hour sleep-athon); catch some rays. With the last one, I know it's not possibly to sit outside and enjoy a picnic in the sunlight when it's 30 degrees, but he suggested spending more time in well-lit areas outside the office and or hitting the tanning bed once or twice to avoid seasonal depression which also leads to piling on layers and feeling fat due to extra clothing.

It's a lot to take in, but I hope a couple of these suggestions can help you. I've been trying harder lately to get a lot more sleep and hitting the gym has definitely helped keep me calm. As for the tanning, well I avoid tanning beds like the plague, but I do try to go outside for a long walk every once in awhile just to enjoy the sunlight and fresh air (even if it is only 30 degrees).

The photo in this blog was taken today. I'm down a total of 26 lbs since starting and I feel great.

200 in 10 Days

2009-11-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

Well we're coming down to the final days before I return to Minnesota for the first time since Memorial Day weekend. This trip is important for me too because not only are we seeing my entire family and many of our friends, but we will be mingling with Mike's family and extended family for his nephew's christening. Also, we're taking our engagement photos the day after Thanksgiving so the way I look on that day will be kept forever as digital art. I must, must, must feel good about the way I look that day.

My goal in October was to reach 200 lbs by my 26th birthday. I didn't do it, if you remember, but I got awfully close. Now, almost four weeks after that day, I still haven't reached the 200 mark, no matter how close I've come. I've ridden a couple of ups and downs with getting sick and feeling stressed, but I haven't gained a ton of pounds, nor have I lost those last precious few to reach that goal. Now is the time to do it!

This morning I weighed in at a dreaded 208.8 pounds after indulging in an early Thanksgiving dinner and eating relatively unhealthily while sick for a week. That means I have 10 days (until I fly home late Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving) to lose 8.8 pounds. Now I know what you're thinking, lose 8.8 pounds in that short amount of time? I know it sounds crazy, but my weight fluctuates like crazy between 209 and 204 so I don't think it'll be that difficult to get back down to the 204-5 range and from there it's all about pushing myself both with what I'm eating and at the gym. Now is the time to concentrate and stay on track!

Right now in the kitchen I have puppy chow (muddy buddies to some of you), apple pie, candy, cheesy puffs, pudding and leftover pizza from Papa Johns. Those are some of my favorite foods, yet I didn't indulge even the slightest all day. That may not seem like a big deal, but I've been sitting at home almost all day working on my computer with no one else in the house. Do you know how easy it is to get carried away with eating snacks when you're bored and alone?!?!?! It's my worst nightmare for a situation!

I can't wait to go back to Minnesota in 10 days. I've been dreaming about seeing my family and friends and doing some hands-on wedding planning stuff. Not to mention the fact that Mike and I can't wait to meet our baby nephew, Evan! So, I guess you should all wish me luck and help motivate me these next few days. I'm going to need all the luck I can get with this one!

The Seasons Are A Changing

2009-11-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

I can tell that the seasons have officially shifted in Las Vegas. It took a little longer than normal for the heat of summer to wear off and the chill of fall to arrive, but alas, it is finally here. Just two weeks ago we hit temperatures in the low nineties and now we're happily resting securely in the 60s. This is the weather I love. However, this weather does horrible things for my body and my diet!

I can always tell when the weather is officially shifting form season to season. My skin gets a little dry and even peels, and my appetite switches from craving refreshing items like fresh fruit and turkey wraps to mashed potatoes, hot dish and steak.

Considering last night I wanted a New York strip, mashed potatoes and bread, I'm thinking my body has recognized it's want for foods with great warming qualities. However, I think it's less about warming the body and more about warming the soul --- providing that comforting sensation during the holiday season and cold months. I am from the upper Midwest after all and haven't been out of that region for very long.

Now, have no fear, I did not give in to my temptations last night, but I know these next few months will be difficult because "winter foods" are always higher in carbs, higher in fat and higher in calories. I'm really going to need to train myself to still want low-cal turkey wraps and fresh veggies instead of all the fattening goodness --- and that's not even touching on the fact that Christmas cookie season is right around the corner!!!

Well, this entire process is about ups and downs and overcoming the never-ending challenges. This is just the latest challenge to take head-on and push through . I'm sure I'll have something new to survive in the spring when the weather changes from cold to warm.

Staying steady -- and sick

2009-11-12T14:08:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone, I'm sorry my blog has been a little meager lately. I'm still getting over this flu/cold bug and it's driving me nuts! I haven't been keeping track of my calories while I'm sick since I've been ingesting lots of carbs, juices and fluids, all of which seem to be higher in calories than I normally eat.

By the end of this weekend I should be at 100% again (I'm at about 75% right now), and I should be getting back to the gym too. I can't wait!

Not only do I feel awful, but mentally I feel bad because I'm not doing as well as I was. So, as soon as I feel rested, I'm getting back to it.

Check back tomorrow, I'm thinking of hitting the gym after work!

Sick Bay

2009-11-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

I spent the weekend sick. Although I should have spent every hour wrapped up in bed, I was able to get out a bit to take care of some errands and chores. It's Monday, day three of feeling awful, but hopefully this bug is getting past me.

I've been taking vitamins, drinking plenty of fluids (especially juices with antioxidants in them) and eating carbohydrates to absorb the acids in my stomach. I'm not exactly sticking to the stringent guidelines of my diet, but my first goal is to get healthy, and then continue dropping the pounds!

So, that's it for today, sorry it's so short. My word of advice, however, after talking to a doctor is this: If you have flu symptoms, don't run to the hospital immediately convinced you have the swine flu. Do you have a fever? If not, then you don't have H1N1. I thankfully have not had a fever and don't have the vicious bug, but let me tell you, this normal flu crap isn't that great either!

The Biscuit Binge

2009-11-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

I don't think I can ever honestly deny that I eat my emotions. Yesterday was the absolute perfect example of what I've trained myself to do for years - eat until I don't feel the pain anymore.

This week was difficult for me. I'm not sure why my emotions got all wrapped up in everything I was doing, but it seeme that the tiniest thing could make me cry or push me into a bad mood. A straw finally broke this camel's back yesterday afternoon and then came the biscuit binge.

As I was returning home, overwhelmed with frustration, irritation and a slew of other emotions, I had to stop at the grocery store for some items for dinner. What an awful idea! I also bought a container I Pillsbury biscuits. Instead of waiting for dinner, I cooked them as soon as I got home and consumed nearly the entire package.

Just as I knew I would, I feel awful today. It's not exactly falling off the wagon, but certainly a spat of weakness. My first real binge since starting this journey. I'm certainly not looking to do that again anytime soon!

So, today is a new day and a much better day at that. All I can do is take it one day at a time, and for now that's my plan.

What to Eat, What to Eat

2009-11-06T09:59:00.001-08:00

I've had several e-mails lately (losingweightforadummy@gmail.com) asking me how I'm continually losing weight but still eating out all the time. What are my secrets? The easiest thing I can tell other people who eat out all the time is to plan ahead!

Not only do my fiance and I like to eat out on a regular basis, but on weekdays the best part about the lunch hour is getting out of the office. A group of my coworkers and I eat out almost every single day because it's a way to take a break from the office environment and it offers a lot of variety. This pattern could easily get me into trouble if I'm not prepared.

So what I do to combat this is to plan, in advance, what to eat at the restaurant we're heading to. We usually decide via e-mail what time we're going to lunch and which restaurant we're going to eat at so then I go online and look at that restaurant's menu. Oftentimes I can also find the nutritional information so I can enter it into the calorie tracker program on my iPhone.

Web sites like thedailyplate.com and Dottie's Weight Loss Zone (www.dwlz.com) have a lot of restaurants listed with nutritional (and weight watchers points) information.

Here are a couple of examples of things I like to eat when I eat out at chain restaurants for lunch during the week.

Jason's Deli - Either the Club Lite or the Turkey Wrap from the "Real Choices" menu. The Club Lite has 514 calories and I order it with baked lays and a diet soda. The Turkey Wrap 350 calories. The best thing about Jason's Deli is the frozen yogurt at the end of the meal. Soft serve is only about 60 calories for 1/2 cup!
Pei Wei - Asian food of all kinds is generally not the greatest for you, but there are healthy options everywhere. I used an iPhone app (listed to the right) to find a meal that isn't too horrible. The tricky part is the rice, and also the fact that Pei Wei's portions are calculated as 2 servings. I order the Mongolian Chicken with brown rice. A full dish of the Mongolian Chicken is 560 calories and the brown rice is 130 calories. White rice has more than 300 calories. Although that creates a meal of 690 calories, my lunch is always my heartiest meal of the day so I'm comfortable eating the entire thing. And, it's delicious!
Wendy's - I think the best thing you can do at Wendy's or any fast food restaurant is to order items individually and not as the meal. If you order the bacon cheeseburger, you don't need a large fries. When I go to Wendy's I order Crispy Chicken Sandwich (360 calories) and a small fries for 210 calories. Most people jump for the plain baked potato because it sounds healthier, but that's 270 calories without anything on it, let alone adding the sour cream and butter.

Like I said, eating out on a diet isn't the enemy, it's all about the selections you make. There really are healthier options everywhere, even at McDonalds or Taco Bell, you just have to find them and then order those.

When Did I Lose Control?

2009-11-05T08:37:00.002-08:00

I've spent a lot of time talking about "aha! moments" or those epiphanies that helped kick-start my weight loss journey, but until today, I hadn't thought about another very important aspect of this entire issue ...

A friend of mine said she recently spent some time asking herself a question, and it wasn't "when did I decide it was time to lose weight?," but instead, "When did I lose control of my wei

ght?" I hadn't even taken time to figure out this piece of the puzzle,

and now that I'm thinking about it, I b

elieve it may be one of the most important aspects behind

the emotional and mental aspects of weight gain and loss. When did I lose control of my weight?

This question is really difficult for me, as I would assume it would be for a lot of people. It may not even be possible to pinpoint an exact event or moment or time period that kick-started all of the weight-gain, but I definitely think it's worth figuring out. For my friend, she said it was when her mother passed away and she took on more responsibilities with the household and her father, etc.

I would love to sit here and blame college for that initial push into the loss of self control, but I can't. I could tell all of you that it started with the famed "freshman 15" and just skyrocketed from there due to the late night pizza, beer drinking and constant take-out, but none of that is true. I did gain the "freshman 15" (or 25), but I wasn't a drinker and I

didn't gorge myself on McDonalds and Taco Bell. I'm afraid that now that I'm really looking back on it that it has more to do with personal and emotional situations than a simple solution like bad eating habits.

I've attached a couple of photos here that I came across just this past week when I found a "photo back-up disc" in my

collection of CDs. The photos were all taken between 2003 and 2005, and I weighed about 165 lbs. I stuck around 165 lbs for the first 3 years of college and didn't waver much. I was one of the "large" girls due to that size, but I was comfortable, if not happy with the way I looked. For me, my turning point came in 2005. It wasn't just one moment though, it was a series of events that not only caused me to lose control of my weight, but sent me into an emotional

rollercoaster.

To make a very long story short, in a matter of a couple of years a lot of things changed in my life. I went from studying at Bemidji State University in northern Minnesota to living in London, England then returning to Midwest to study in Wisconsin. I was in a 3-year relationship with someone from college and then was dumped via e-mail. I was a victim of bank fraud, twice and road the highs and lows of loving living overseas, but missing my friends and family in the U.S. There were quite a few ups and downs. I believe what really kick-started the weight gain was the end of my long-term relationship. Even though there is not a doubt in my mind that it was the best thing that could have happened to me, I still did a lot of emotional eating. And as I returned the states and began studying in Wisconsin, it took a long time for me

to figure out what I wanted to be doing and where I felt like I fit in.

I really believe that group of changes that happened all at once pushed my emotional eating to the next level. From there it was just a nasty downward spiral. From there I went to a desk job where I ate because it gave me something else to do while working. I also moved across the country to someplace foreign to

me and that caused me to eat away my stress.

It's unbelievable to think that your weight can change not only

based on what you eat, but on how you feel about yourself and the events that take place in your life. It may be difficult to think about and pinpoint the times in your life that transformed you, but in a way it's lethargic too. So, I challenge you, as I was challenged this morning to ask yourself, when did you lose control?

Change is Incredible

2009-11-04T14:48:00.000-08:00

It's truly incredible to see the progress I've made throughout this journey. Although I had a rough week and a half or so, this week I've already dropped three pounds and I'm on my way to reaching that pivotal 200 lb mark!

Like with a lot of things in life, I've realized that my attitude directly affects what I'm trying to accomplish. Last week I was sort of down-and-out or in a "I don't give a crap" kind of mood and so I ate more than I usually do, ate things I hadn't in a long time and basically threw caution to the wind.

This week I'm feeling great again and I'm very committed to the journey I've been on and it's showing! I had reached 205.4 in October and then went back up to 209 lbs around my birthday and Halloween. This week I've managed to lose those extra gained pounds already and I'm back down to a fantastic 205.8. Honestly it feels fabulous and I'm looking at myself positively in the mirror again. I just think it's crazy that a minor attitude shift can change things so dramatically!

Three pounds is a lot to lose in one week, and I'm sure a lot is water weight, but I'm glad to be back on track. I really think I'll be down below 200 lbs before thanksgiving and well on my way to 180 lbs. by Christmas. I just need to keep the positive vibes flowing .... getting complimented on how look never hurts either. :)

Dieting During the Holidays

2009-11-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has done it before can attest to the fact that dieting during the holiday season is difficult if not treacherous. I'm not actually sure there's any fool-proof method of surviving Thanksgiving dinner through post-Christmas holiday cookies and champagne on New Year's Eve without gaining a few ounces (or 15 pounds), but I'm determined to give it a shot.

I've decided the best thing I can do to prepare for the impending holiday season is to get myself on track and stay focused. I need to make sure I eat right and keep track of my calories every single day from here on out, and make it to the gym whenever possible. If I get back into a steady routine, then it will be easier to stick to the plan. I know that the worst thing I can do is get lax about my goals and my weight management because as soon as I smell mashed potatoes and stuffing, or freshly baked apple pie, I'll ditch the "no thanks, I'm watching my weight" line and ask for seconds or thirds.

There are some tricks I'm going to try and use, both exercise-related and food-related to help stay on track while still enjoying the wonders of the holidays this year. I hope some of my ideas/tips can work for you too!

It's imperative to stay active and keep moving so why not do all of my holiday shopping in stores and not online. This forces me to walk around a mall or a shopping center. It's not a ton of exercise, but movement is key! Also, parking lots will be packed anyway, but choosing a spot far from the building forces a longer jaunt to and from the car. The added weight of packages and bags will just help with resistance training on the arms.
I don't live in a snowy state anymore, but I used to love ice skating, sledding and building a snowman or having snowball fights. If any of these are options for you then take advantage of it! Get outside and have fun, you'll be surprised that sledding can burn a couple hundred calories!
At Thanksgiving dinner try a little bit of all of your favorites, but don't go back for seconds and don't take huge portions. Also, make sure you choose the turkey without skin on it for less fat. If you feel like you took too much, then pass your plate to your spouse or a family member to finish it off. The best thing you can do is stay in tune with how your stomach is feeling. If you feel like you are full or will be full very soon, then stop eating!!!!!
The holidays are all about the sweet treats. I don't think I could enjoy Christmas without Christmas cookies (especially my best friend's mom's chocolate chip meringue cookies) or Thanksgiving without apple pie. This is a good time to share a dessert, or if that just isn't an option (believe me, I understand!) then don't add ice cream to it or whipped cream. Or instead of wine/alcohol and dessert, skip the glass of wine or the beer. It's all about trade-off and balance.
My number one thing to remember this holiday season is not to withhold anything from myself. I say this because if I restrict myself from trying all of my holiday favorites or indulging here and there then not only am I making the holiday season miserable, but I'm setting myself up for defeat. I can just see it happening: I avoid everything tasty during Thanksgiving then gorge myself on Christmas because I can't take it anymore. I would have been better off having a little bit here and there because I could exercise in between to burn the extra calories.

As my dad always tells me, it's about portion control, balance and the give-and-take. If you eat a little more today, exercise a little more tomorrow. Maybe I'll put in a lot of extra work from now until Thanksgiving so I have a bit of leeway, but then again, I wouldn't want to see all of my hard work just disappear in a flash. I guess moderation is key.

Do any of you have any good ideas for surviving the holiday season? Please share them with me, I can use all the help I can get!

Being Fat is Hard

2009-11-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

In life there are thousands of "aha!" moments. As a writer, I have mini moments along those lines on a regular occurrence, but instead of being epiphanies they are simply out-clauses for writer's block.

One of my biggest "aha!" moments for my weight came a few months before I started this little adventure when I realized I couldn't do certain things anymore, or at least that I couldn't do certain things in the same way anymore. I realized that being fat is really hard and it actually inhibits you from doing even the most menial tasks.

Although the moment I'm thinking of isn't the most P.C., it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was using the facilities and as I was getting ready to clean up and pull my pants up I stopped and questioned what I was doing. Because of my added weight and new size I had to re-teach myself how to wipe in order to accommodate the larger body. I wasn't sure at first if I was having memory loss or if it was truly a weight issue. I think I would have preferred amnesia.

There have been several moments like that for me in the past four years or so as I have come to the haunting realization that I can't do even the most menial tasks in the same fashion anymore. Have you tried gaining 60 lbs and trimming your toe nails? What about shaving your legs in the shower when all of a sudden you realize you have to maneuver around extra rolls of body fat and larger breasts? It's not only a disaster for the task at hand, but boy does it do wonders for your self esteem, and not in a good way.

I could probably write a long list of things that have become complicated because of the weight gain, but I'll spare you. Have you noticed anything like this with your weight gain? Am I all alone in this venture? I get winded when I take the stairs (this is at least improving for me since I exercise now), tying my shoes is a challenge and don't even get me started on picking out clothes to try on at a department store. I really don't think the many days and nights of indulging in ice cream, mashed potatoes or chips were worth it at all. Losing out on living to the fullest is a horrible trade-off!

The photo added was taken today. When I feel fat I wear all black! Mission accomplished.

More Helpful iPhone Applications

2009-10-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

When I first started Losing Weight for a Dummy, I offered readers some of the iPhone applications and tools I was using to help keep me on track. To this day, more than two months after starting my program, I use Lose It!, Restaurants, Nutrition and Good Food on a weekly, if not daily basis. I literally do not go a day without entering in my weight and calorie count on Lose It! It really helps keep me on track.

There are quite a few calorie counters out there, and Lose it! is just one of the bunch. I've also taken a look at Livestrong, DailyBurn and Tap & Track - Calorie, Weight & Exercise Tracker, but none of those offer me anything more or different than the application I started with.

So, as I have continued checking for application updates and newly created products, I thought I would share a few of the ones I have come across with you.

Locavore -- This application is good for those of you who like to cook. It allows you to search for items that fresh and in season according to your location. It also offers local fare which is good especially if you're in a seafood place! This app costs $2.99 and was listed as one of the top 10 apps for cooks by Apple.

Distance Meter (Pro) -- This application is offered for free and also as a "Pro" edition for $2.99. As with other applications that offer different price points, you get more for your money. Distance Meter (Pro) acts as a really good pedometer/distance calculator and caters to walkers and hikers. It helps people track how long a trail is as well as the path's difficulty. Lastly, it translates the route walked in length and difficulty into calories burned. The app can be found in the app store under Healthcare and Fitness.

FoodScanner -- The FoodScanner application is great if you want to keep track of the calories you're eating, but don't always have time to enter in a lot of information and data into a program. Utilizing the camera on your iPhone, the application allows the user to take a photo of the barcode on a food item and uses the stored information from the barcode to keep track of calories and nutrients. This is great if you consume lots of packaged goods throughout the day like Lean Cuisine meals, 100 calories snack packs or even a serving of frozen vegetables! FoodScanner costs $2.99 and can also be found under Healthcare and Fitness in the app store.
Weight Watchers Mobile -- From what I hear, the Weight Watchers Mobile application is fantastic, but the one down side is that you have to be a Weight Watchers member with a login ID to use it. I'm not a WW members so I don't get to use it, but it's really helpful for tracking calories and nutrition information, calculating WW Points and offering great information to stay on your WW program. It is free under the top 10 free apps in Healthcare and Fitness.

iTreadmill -- iTreadmill is a really helpful exercise app, and for me it's really convenient because I can turn it on and use my phone to listen to music so it's not like carrying and extra piece of equipment around the gym with me! The application is basically the ultimate pedometer for treadmill users. It tracks step count and steps per minute, along with your target speed, current speed, speed average, calories burned, distance, time and it lists a history so you can calculate your progress. The application also has a built in timer. It's only $0.99 at the app store, but an update is on the horizon so it may become $1.99 or $2.99 in the near future.

Your Ideal Weight -- I've talked a lot about body mass index and individual ideal weight in my blog, and this is an application that caters to that. Entering age, current weight, height, activity level, etc., the application calculates not only the doctor recommended weight for you, but also what the average weight people want and also the weight recommended by your body mass index. It's a free application offered under the Healthcare and Nutrition category. The downside to this app is that once you use it, why keep it?

Virtual Trainer -- Virtual Trainer is another free application that can be found in the Healthcare and Fitness category (see a trend?). This application offers the user more than 250 exercises (with 3D video animation) and 120 work out programs in order to vary their exercise routines. You can choose from cardio or specific to a body region, etc., and the lengths ranger from 6 to 60 minutes. There's also a built-in timer and a stats section so you can gauge your improvement.

I'm not going to lie, I don't use each of these applications everyday. A lot of the applications that are offered for cooks or weight-conscious individuals have overlapping features that you have to figure out for yourself. Find the apps that work best for you, and for those people who have Blackberries, take a look at your app store and see if there are equivalent programs.

If anyone reading this has a great application for nutrition or exercise or that's simply interesting, please post a comment here so everyone can take a look!

Best Weekend Ever

2009-10-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness today was a new day because I needed a fresh start with calorie counting. I just had an amazing weekend, and with that, I threw caution to the wind and enjoyed everything that came my way. And by everything, I mean the Rio buffet, the Paris champagne brunch buffet, frozen yogurt and Pho Saigon 8. Believe me when I tell you, I haven't eaten that much, or that poorly since Summer, and I'm definitely paying for it now.

Although I didn't gain tons of pounds, I can feel the physical difference in my body. Foods like bacon and cheesy scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes and candy haven't been a staple in my diet since I started watching what I'm consuming, but I indulged to the 10th degree this weekend. And let me just add, the indulgences were divine.

I wouldn't recommend a weekend of indulging for anyone trying to lose weight and stay on track because it really does throw you off the wagon, but sometimes it happens. I know, however, that I really don't want it to happen again anytime soon because my body simply can't handle it. I have a headache, my eyes hurt a little and my stomach has been in a constant state of unrest since Friday. How did I do this day in and day out for years?

Every single calorie and gram of fat I consumed was beyond worth it. I got the best birthday gift a girl could ask for this weekend. After months of going through a difficult patch, and being away from my closest friends and family for a really long time, I got a great surprise at dinner on Saturday night. I thought I was meeting some really close family friends who happened to be in town for the weekend, but they brought along a little surprise for me: my best friend, Stephanie. We've known each other since the day I was born, and I literally started crying when I saw her. It was just what the doctor ordered, even if I didn't realize it until that exact moment.

Mike was in on it, my parents and sister knew Steph was coming, and her parents played along even confirming our plans. On Saturday afternoon Stephanie even kept up the charade that she was still in Minnesota even though she was in a hotel room on the strip by telling me she was at one of our favorite restaurants in Minnesota having lunch. I believed all of it! I still can't get over the fact that she was here. I just brought her to the airport, and I feel better than I've felt in months. I feel like I can now just breeze through November until my visit back to Minnesota. A mini re-birth if you will. Now I just have to hit the ground running with exercise and dieting again. I'm looking forward to it actually. Bring it on!

The photo above is of Stephanie and me on Saturday night, right after I saw her at dinner. Sorry it's a bit blurry, but again it was taken on my iPhone.

I Stumbled, but Didn't Fall

2009-10-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie. This past week has been difficult in terms of eating and sticking to my diet. With my birthday coming and going, and other opportunities including dinner at Olive Garden and Sensi at the Bellagio, it's been very difficult to stick to my program.

Since starting my diet, I have reached a low of 205.6 lbs. Today I weigh two pounds more than that. Although that's difficult to absorb, since the two-pound gain is entirely my own fault, I know that the ups and downs are also part of the progress.

Some days are more difficult than others, but I need to be able to make sure that those days not only happen few and far between, but that they are also spread out far enough to not make a permanent impact.

This week I allowed myself to only have one shake instead of two per day which means I ate out more and consumed more calories. I also only used my calorie counting program in a slacking manner instead of diligently like I had been doing up until this week. It's time to get back on the wagon completely instead of teetering on the edge of oblivion. Tomorrow is a new day and a new week and that means I'm recommitting to my program 100 percent .

26 For My 26th

2009-10-21T08:48:00.001-07:00

In light of my 26th Birthday, I thought I would offer 26 facts about me. Don't worry, these aren't weight loss related because that would be fairly boring, but they're just random things that make me, me.

I love London, England more than any other place in the world. I have also never felt more at home anywhere than I did in London.
I could eat mashed potatoes for every meal and never tire of them (of course, I don't allow this to happen).
When I first met my fiance, Mike, I thought he was the most annoying person in the universe because he was too sarcastic and never stopped talking. My distaste for him didn't even last two weeks.
I once went an entire week in college without wearing anything other than pajamas -- this was allowed to happen because our university had underground tunnels that connected all the buildings and sheltered us from the blistery northern Minnesotan winters.
Mike and I have four pets, two cocker spaniels named London and Aribella and two cats named Madison (a boy) and Autumn. Mike was never allowed to have pets growing up so I think he's getting his fill for his entire childhood right now.
I come from a family of strong marriages and I hope mine will resemble what I've grown to view as the norm. My parents have been married for more than 30 years, my dad's parents have been married for more than 50 years and my mom's dad was married to her mom until she passed away, and has now been remarried for more than 25 years. Also, my sister has been happily married to her husband since 2005.
I have been best friends with one person my entire life, literally since the day our mom's introduced us on Oct. 21, 1983, the day I was born. I call her George, a nickname that started back in junior high, and she calls me Bob.
George and I have never gone to the same school, and were in fact one year apart grade-wise.
I live in Las Vegas, Nev. with Mike and our pets. We came for a job and stayed for our jobs, but if the circumstances allowed I would give my left leg to move back to the Midwest. (Someone once asked a famous comedian, "Isn't the desert beautiful?" Her response? "Mmmm, maybe when they finish it." I feel the same way.)
Mike and I have no real anniversary and don't really know when we started dating. We figure we'll have the rest of our lives after June 26, 2010 to celebrate anniversaries so why worry about it now?
Although I haven't lived in London since 2005, I still check the weather, news and tube system updates almost daily like I did when I was a resident.
I attended three different universities between 2002 and 2007: Bemidji State University, Richmond University -- The American International University in London and University of Wisconsin - River Falls.
On the worst day with the most horrible circumstances, watching my cats and dogs play can still make my laugh til I cry and feel elated.
Cold Stone Creamery ice cream is my favorite, but I'd much rather have a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. In fact, I have a Dairy Queen ice cream cake every year for my birthday without fail, including this year even though it's horrible for my diet.
I work in media relations (public relations). I jumped ship from journalism/reporting after I saw the newspaper industry, the proverbial Titanic, hit an ice berg and start sinking.
I was a three-sport athlete in high school, but you'd never know that from looking at me now. I played softball, basketball and volleyball. And for the record, yes, I was the choir president.
I have a tattoo that says London on my back and is an artistic version of the underground tube symbol. I can say this publicly now because my mom saw it when I was wedding dress shopping.
Speaking of wedding dresses, I found my perfect dress, literally one I had dreamt about after trying on only five or six at the first shop we went to. We went to other shops afterward just to be safe, but I went back that afternoon to buy it.
I love photography and used to be pretty good at it. Sometimes I wish I would have pursued a degree in fine arts with an emphasis in photography, but I know how hard it is to make a living that way.
I despise Las Vegas for one simple reason, and it's the same thing I dislike about the Twin Cities in Minnesota: public transportation isn't good enough. In Las Vegas, public transportation exists, but it mine as well not since it's useless.
I am almost more excited about the before and after of my wedding than the actual event. This is because I get to have my hair and makeup done with my girls and mom beforehand and go to London with my new husband afterward. Of course this isn't a true placement of my excitement, but it gives me even more to look forward to.
I have an iPhone and treat it like a permanent extension of my right hand. Life may cease to exist if I lose it or it breaks.
I used to drive a 2000 Ford Focus, but Mike loves me and so we traded it in for a 2006 BMW 325i four-door sedan. I love it and now understand why mom jokes about being buried in her BMW.
I was in two very serious relationships before dating Mike, but I've never been more comfortable with myself or with another person than with Mike. It took all of one month of dating to be undeniably sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
I love my sister and consider her a close friend, but it took all of childhood and the start of college for us to treat each other like friends and not like battling sisters. I only wish we lived closer now that we've reached this point.
My favorite place in the world is Postman's Park in London followed closely by the Killarney National Forest in Killarney, Ireland.

There's No "I" in Team

2009-10-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

Do you remember when you were a kid and your teacher in gym class or coach on your school's athletic team would say, "There's no 'I' in team?" It's taken me 26 years, but I'm beginning to realize that, yes, there happens to not be an "i" in the word team, but that without a team of individuals around you, life would be virtually impossible.

Think of it this way: A business almost always takes more than one person to make it successful, even if it's just the operator and the customer. Likewise, a family takes at least two people otherwise it's just a single individual. Similar to families, teams, companies, communities and organizations, reaching goals takes an army of individuals in order to make them happen.

I took my inspiration for losing weight from a friend of mine, automatically taking the "I" out of my situation and creating a "we," but there are many more people involved in my journey. Everyone from my family and fiance, to friends, coworkers, random readers, tweet peeps and strangers have created a team for me to rely on while going through the ups and downs of this lifelong adventure. As I was struggling to decide whether to have ice cream last night or a 100 calorie snack of popcorn, I happened to jump online on Facebook and see someone post something nice to me on one of my blog links. It was those few words of encouragement that pushed me in the right direction -- the way toward having popcorn instead of ice cream.

I think I often times try and do everything myself without allowing others to help, or without allowing myself to rely on someone else. Whether it's with simple tasks like doing laundry or taking care of the dishes, or larger tasks like planning our wedding or coordinating the honeymoon, I keep trying to do things myself. It takes a little reminding from my conscious that those people that are offering suggestions and helping hands aren't trying to "intrude" on my life, but instead are trying to make it easier. I've even read a few comments on my blogs that irked me and I had to remind myself that those comments aren't meant to be insulting or to shine a negative light on my words, but instead are trying to enlighten me and offer a new way of thinking or a new suggestion to follow. Every little bit helps, even if I don't realize it at the exact moment. Sometimes I also forget to say thank you.

Here's my word of advice today. This is something I'm reminding myself to do today as well since I've forgotten in recent days. Tell people "thank you" and remind those special people in your life that you love them. It may be completely random, but it's 100% worth it.

A Changing Perspective

2009-10-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

"I want to see myself as beautiful at the wedding."

Almost a year ago, Mike snuck a diamond ring into his luggage when we flew from Nevada to Minnesota. While I was showering on Christmas morning he woke up, wrapped the present, addressed it from Santa Claus and placed it under the tree with all of the other gifts from my parents, sister, family members and of course Santa. When I hopped out of the shower and returned to our room to wake him up, he acted as though he had slept the entire time, and I had no clue that he was actually awake.

Not two hours later, Mike got down on one knee in front of my mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law and said, "Beth, I love you more than anything and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" To my mother's shock and excitement, her youngest daughter was engaged to be married, the trick was, my dad was in on it the whole time. To be honest, it was perfect. Family is so important for both of us and being able to share that moment with my family, then immediately with my extended family, and then the next day with Mike's family was perfect. The wedding planning started immediately, and as Mike left Minnesota, I stayed behind to book the church and the reception location. I finally had some time to myself and that's when my mind ran wild. I distinctly remember saying to myself while lying in bed one night when I was still in Minnesota, "Now if only I could change. I want to see myself as beautiful at the wedding."

From that moment, I was on a mission. I started a new skin treatment, looked for the perfect diet and swore up and down that I would be my ideal weight, have sparkling white teeth and a glowing tan on June 26, 2010 when I walk down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress and join hands with Mike. That was how it was going to work.

As of right now, we have 8 months until our wedding. My skin isn't perfect and my teeth aren't sparkling. Hell, I'm no where near that "ideal weight" I swore I'd reach eight months ago, but something is different. I had a few moments to myself yesterday and I spent them thinking about our impending nuptials. I have the most beautiful dress, an amazing groom and the perfect wedding party. We've picked a great location, and we've completed almost all of the requirements to get married in the Catholic Church. My wedding planner even says that we're ahead of the game, and that for a bride I have quite the level head. As I tried to picture our wedding day eight months from now, the same thoughts I had last December returned to my head, but this time I said, "I just wanted to see my self as beautiful on my wedding day."

I'm no longer worrying about how I will perceive myself on June 26, 2010. It may have taken me seven months to truly get on the right track for losing weight and gaining confidence, but I got there. More and more I look in the mirror and actually tell myself that I look good in that outfit, or today I look slim. I'm not worried that on my wedding day I'm going to feel like I look fat, or I'm going to be upset if I weigh 175 lbs instead of 150 lbs. because none of this has actually been the point. The entire point of my attempt at a transformation has actually been to change my perspective of myself. I didn't realize this until yesterday. I'm trying to change my body, yes, but I'm trying to change it because I need to change the way I view myself. What a strange thing to realize. I guess it's true what they say about just about everything, 75% mental, 25% physical.

Compliments Not Always Welcome, but Necessary

2009-10-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

You can ask anyone that knows me, I struggle when it comes to accepting a compliment. I know I've brought this up before, but I really find it difficult to just smile and say thank you when someone tells me I look great, asks if I've lost weight or compliments what I'm wearing. I have no idea why it's so hard, but sometimes I even find a simple positive statement unbearable to receive cordially.

Even though I have no idea how to properly accept a compliment, I've discovered that part of my losing weight/gaining confidence process is receiving them. I don't think I'd actually be doing as well as I am if I didn't have people telling me that I look good, or that they can see the difference every once in awhile. Hopefully my attitude toward compliments is changing as well, but really, only other individuals could tell me that for sure.

Within the past month or so, since I've dropped about 20 pounds or more, I've been trying a lot harder to appear the way I feel. I feel really good about the weight I've lost and the direction I'm heading so I've been attempting to portray that through the clothes I've been wearing. This whole thing is entirely new to me because I've never given much care to what I wore before now. And with that, I've noticed that I've been more confident in what I'm wearing and therefor more confident in myself as well. It really is a change for me, a new me in some ways.

I would not call myself a confident person, and I know I have a long way to go before I look the way I want to look, but it's a start, right? Now despite what this blog appears to be saying, I'm not asking everyone to tell me I'm beautiful or look great or anything like that, but I'm merely pointing out that hearing things like that further solidify that what I'm doing is working. I may not be very good at accepting a nice comment, but I know that those positive words of encouragement are certainly helping me achieve my long-term goals.

I guess the best thing to say right now is thank you! Thank you to everyone who has commented about the way I look and encouraged my weight loss journey. The blog-writing is lethargic; the words of encouragement are motivational.

I've added a photo of me today. These jeans were just bought this past weekend, size 16!!! That's a huge accomplishment for me. I think I've worn the sweater in a photo before, but you get the point.

Trick of the Trade

2009-10-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

Last week due to a change in my schedule, I started drinking Slim Fast shakes for dinner. For about the last four of seven days, I've had a Slim Fast shake for breakfast, a regular lunch and a shake for dinner. Although at first I felt like I wasn't consuming enough in the evening, I later realized that it's doing wonders for my diet!

A lot of shake-based diets tell you to consume two shakes per day and one standard meal. By having that full meal in the middle of the day, a lot of the calories, fat, sugars, salts, etc. are worked off throughout the day due to the natural movements of the body and the fact that people move more during the day than in the evening. When you consume that standard meal in the evening, most people then tend to settle on the couch to catch up on the shows they DVRed or curl up in bed with a book, etc., and that doesn't give the body ample time to digest and work through the nutrients.

Since I started consuming the shakes at each end of my day, not only have I felt better going to bed because my stomach isn't filled with rich foods, but the scale has been absolutely amazing to me! I'm still consuming my necessary amount of nutrients, and I still watch what I eat for that one main meal, but my diet has had a little resurgence.

If you have the ability to change your eating patterns in some way, I recommend you try doing it. Try consuming your largest meal in the middle of the day instead of in the evening. Even if all you do is climb stairs, walk to your car or run errands, that amount of movement/exercise helps work off the nutrients from the meal.

I know a concern is focused on eating with family, and I wouldn't trade that for a simple Slim Fast shake. Mike and I eat different things most of the time as it is due to me dieting and his ability to eat and never gain an ounce, so me changing when I have meals and shakes doesn't affect the habits we've already established. If you have family meals most nights, try sitting down with your shake with your family. It'll be hard, but I bet you'll see a difference!

Short-Term Goal Deadline

2009-10-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine who is also on her own weight loss journey set her goal weight deadline as her birthday. Losingmythighs goal is 130 (lbs) by 30 (age). I didn't realize it until just recently, but I am doing practically the same thing with my first mini goal. I set my deadline for reaching 200 lbs as my 26th birthday, approximately two months and one week after starting my weight loss adventure.

When I weighed myself the first day the scale tipped at just over 228 lbs. I had previously reached 230 lbs on a different occasion, but for all practical purposes, on the day of my epiphany, that is what I weighed. Now today, nine days shy of my 26th birthday, my scale is 21 lbs lighter at 207.8 lbs. That in and of itself is an enormous accomplishment for me. When you're able to watch the numbers decrease slowly and steadily, not to mention, watch your clothes grow on you as your body shrinks, it's a mini miracle that helps catapult you forward. Or at least, that's what it's been like for me.

In order to reach my goal, 200 lbs by 26, I have to lose 7.8 more pounds in nine days. That's actually a lot of pounds for a short period of time, since four pounds in two weeks is the healthy norm, but we'll see how this next week and a half goes. Whether I reach the actual goal or not, I still feel great about myself. If I could step on the scale on Oct. 22 and see 199 lbs, I think I may have to take a day off work just to celebrate my accomplishment! (Just Kidding).

What I've learned through this entire process is that my attempts at using diets or fads or starvation or just exercise, etc. were all the absolute wrong methods of going about trying to lose weight. Some of those methods work for other people, but I really did need to find something that not only worked for the actual weight loss, but that also fit into my lifestyle seamlessly.

I stopped and asked myself, "what if I do reach that first mini goal by Oct. 21? Then what?" and to be honest I have no idea. The best thing I can do is set another mini goal for myself and try to reach that too. Maybe I'll say 180 by Christmas or 175 by New Year's. I don't know. What I really want is to be able to keep watching the scale slide further and further away from that 228 mark. I want to be forced to go to the store and buy a pair of size 16 then 14 then 12 then 10 jeans and I want that shirt that I used to wear because it was flattering on a bigger body to look huge and unflattering instead. It's all of these little accomplishments that truly make this experience worth going through. I know that someday I will reach 150 lbs, and that that day will be incredible, but for now, the new jeans and the baggy shirts, the dropping scale and the nice compliments are all the gratifying nods I need to keep me moving in the right direction.

The photo added to the blog is of me today. I know, I know, the bootie craze is a bit weird, but I thought I'd test it out. Enjoy!

And Baby Makes Three

2009-10-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

On Saturday morning I texted Mike's sister to ask how her pregnancy was going, knowing that she was just days away from her due date. When she responded she told us that she's been really tired lately, hadn't been feeling the greatest and hoped the baby waited another week or so until they were ready for it's arrival. Not an hour later, Erica's water broke and she went to the hospital to endure a day-plus labor.

This morning, at 4 a.m. central time, Mike's sister, Erica, gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Mike's first nephew and his god son. Although the baby boy doesn't have a name yet, or at least the name hasn't been shared with us, we're ecstatic to welcome the addition to the family.

I realized this weekend as Mike and I anxiously awaited updates about the labor and birth of the new baby that I was almost instantaneously snapped out of the funk I've been in the past few weeks. I know I'm not completely out of it and a lot of the personal stuff that's been getting me down is still around, but there's so much more to what's happening in my life, in our lives, that letting all the crap keep me down is ridiculous.

I have a lot to be thankful for and a ton to look forward to within the next few months. I turn 26 next Wednesday, and I get to celebrate with a few friends this coming weekend. Mike's sister had her baby! We get to go back to Minnesota for five days in November! We're getting married in 8 months. Although everything's not perfect, when it comes right down to it, life is good. Oh, and since this blog is tracking my weight loss progress: This morning the scale showed me 207.8. I'm down more than 20 lbs in two months, and my clothes are practically falling off.

As Robert Frost said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on," and on I shall go as well.

Don't Eat My Emotions

2009-10-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have never had to remind myself not to eat my emotions as often as I did yesterday. Mike and I had our all-day Pre Cana, pre-marriage course at our church yesterday. Instead of being an interactive type forum where we get to meet the other couples and strengthen our relationships, it ended up being a 9-hour lecture where various married couples lectured at us. Although some parts were informative, when it comes right down to it, it was awful and rather ineffective.

I knew the day was going to be difficult, as any day would be that required sitting in a room from 7:30 a.m. until 5 p.m. listening to talks. I brought with me a Diet Coke, bottle of water and two 100-calorie snack packs just in case. It took all of my will power not to devour the snack packs within the first two hours, just out of boredom. Luckily, I only ate one of them, but that second one taunted me from my purse.

When it came to lunchtime, we were served pizza and cookies. It was like a shower of sunlight from heaven; a mini blessing, and it had nothing to do with the food. I was thankful to have something to break up the day. I indulged in a cookie and two slices of pizza knowing full well that I'd have to curb my food intake the rest of the day.

When the all-day event wrapped up, Mike and I headed home and prepared for a relaxing evening. Unfortunately, it didn't quite happen that way, and as we ran out of the house to run some last-minute errands I found myself repeating "do not eat my emotions" over and over again. I wanted to swing through McDonalds for a Big Mac, large fries and delicious Coca-Cola, not Diet Coke. Don't worry, everyone, I didn't give in to my own temptations. I had a Slim Fast shake for dinner and a 100 calorie pack of popcorn.

I went to bed with my stomach feeling less-than-satisfied, but I woke up to a new day, and a happy scale. I guess yesterday ended up being more emotional for me than I thought it would be. Although it wasn't emotions of overwhelming happiness due to our impending nuptials, I was stressed and frustrated at the all-day course and I really disliked being talked at instead of being a part of the conversation. I did it though, I stayed away from eating food to cover the emotions that were eating away at me, and I guess that's the lesson I needed to learn.

Please Motivate Me

2009-10-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

As I opened the refrigerator door I scanned the shelves for something that peaked my interest. I stared at Slim Fast shakes, low-calorie Jell-O and pudding, fruit, vegetables and eggs, yet nothing that made me want to pull it off the shelf and consume it before I could shut the door. Last night, I needed something to fill my craving, but I couldn't even figure out what the craving was for!

I ended up drinking a Slim Fast shake and eating a 60-calorie pudding cup for dinner. It filled me up as I expected it to do, and was well within my calorie limit, but it didn't fill that craving. This morning when I woke up, I still had an empty spot in my stomach, and right now, almost a full day later, I have no idea what I'm looking for.

This seems to be a pattern with me right now. I'm having cravings for somethings, yet I'm not as hungry as I used to be so I'm in this constant state of limbo. I also have been lacking complete motivation to hit the gym. Will someone please motivate me?!?!? The scale dropped below that 210 mark this morning when I weighed in at 209.6. I was ecstatic, literally. I jumped off the scale, threw my hands in the air and did a little naked shimmy scaring my cat to death in the process. I felt like I reached my first milestone. However, I still don't fell like going to the gym.

I know, I know, if I hit the treadmill or the elliptical it will help drop the pounds, but my mind isn't in it. Where did it go? I honestly have no clue. I've been on this weight loss journey for 7.5 weeks, and I haven't fallen off the wagon, but I need something to rejuvenate my spirit, that spunk I had toward reaching my goals in the very beginning. So today, this is much less of a blog sharing an experience as it is a call to arms or request for help. Do any of you, my fellow weight loss buddies have any words of wisdom for this lost soul?

Higher Calorie Fruits & Veggies

2009-10-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

Since I'm focusing my diet on counting calories, I asked the question to anyone who wanted to answer: What is your favorite low-calorie snack? Last week I had quite a few people vote, and these are the results:
-popcorn - 13%
-Any 100 calorie snack pack - 18%
-Fruits/Veggies - 63%
-Other - 4%

Not to my surprise, most people selected fruits and vegetables. I have to admit, I love fruit, and I'm a fan of many vegetables, but my favorite low-cal snack is popcorn. It's my favorite treat!

So as I've come along on this journey, I've paid close attention to which fruits and veggies are high in calories and which ones are lower. Not taking into consideration fiber or sugar or any other nutritional information, I thought I'd share a little bit of what I've learned.

The fruits with the highest calorie count include: dates, raisins, blueberries, raspberries and prunes. Apricots, lemon, apples and most melons, however, are really low in calorie. Another thing to keep in mind when buying fruit is to make sure they are unsweetened (if frozen) and unconcentrated. This helps keep the calorie count lower as well.

The vegetables with the highest calorie count include: spinach, collard greens, peppers, carrots and mushrooms. Low to no-calorie vegetables include: chives, radishes, broccoli and cauliflower. The only warning I have about purchasing veggies is to be careful when selecting canned vegetables. It's the added salt, liquids, etc. that add the calories.

When it comes right down to it, though, grabbing for a handful of baby carrots or raspberries is a much better decision than a handful of chips or cookies. Despite the calories in the items, whether fresh, frozen or canned, eating fruits and vegetables is a much better habit to get into than to avoid!

I Didn't Hate Shopping -- This Time!

2009-10-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

For the first time I can remember, I didn't hate going shopping yesterday. I've pretty much relied on two pairs of jeans for the last few months. Both have the same cut, but one pair has the distressed look (yes I paid for pants with holes sewn into them) and the other are plain. However, since I've had them so long and my body has changed while wearing them, they both got baggy and just didn't look right. So, I decided yesterday was the day to buy a new pair of jeans.

I went to the Galleria at Sunset, a mall in Henderson, Nev. and searched for a pair of jeans, and anything else that struck my fancy. At New York & Co. I found a pair of jeans, a blouse and a skirt! As I was trying on clothes, I didn't hate myself, and even found that I was embracing the way I looked in the mirror. Instead of having a negative mind-frame and concluding that EVERYTHING looked horrible on my fat body, I was actually analyzing each piece of clothing determining whether it looked good or bad, tight or loose, etc. I think that it was the first positive shopping experience I've had in a very long time.

While walking through the mall, I also managed to find a tunic sweater at Macy's (which I'm wearing today). I also stopped at Victoria's Secret and realized that instead of just getting in and getting out with the bare essentials, I found myself thinking about the various types of undergarments. Usually I just think, ok, plain bra, plain panties, nothing special because my body looks horrible in all of it, but this time I looked at lace and colors and patterns. I may not be ready to strut around the house in some tiny negligee, but this is the first time I can remember spending more than 2.5 minutes shopping in a lingerie store. In my eyes, that's progress.

***Funny Revelation*** I just had a friend take a photo of me with my phone and while I was looking at it, prepared to upload it for the blog, I realized that the jeans I just bought are actually a little too big as well. I know the waistline is really comfortable, and maybe on the large size, but I didn't want to buy pants too snug -- I'm still too paranoid about my weight for that. Looks like I should have gone a size smaller! ***

Ok, well this blog was fairly random, sorry for the revelation in the middle, but it's another part of this process. It's funny that clothes become such a big part of peoples lives because that's what everyone else sees. I should probably just learn to embrace shopping, if I keep losing weight I'm going to end up spending a lot of time at the mall!

Self-esteem is on the Rise!

2009-10-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

Something's happening, and it's not something I'm quite used to, but my self-esteem is on the rise. I've had low confidence and practically no self-esteem for quite sometime. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that I don't take compliments well, I put myself down regularly and I even admit that I don't think very highly of myself.

All of those aspects of low self-esteem stem from the way I look and the way my looks have deteriorated from high school to present. In reality, I probably shouldn't think so negatively of myself; I'm college educated, I have a career, I'm engaged to be married, but I can never get over how awful I feel about the way I look.

However, what I've realized just this week, is that my confidence level is rising and I'm starting to see myself in a new light. I mentioned in an earlier blog how I'm feeling better in items of clothing and that, in turn, is showing more confidence, and it couldn't be more true. This morning I threw on an outfit and I've been complimented several times. Wow, twice in one week, what more could a girl ask for?!?! I know that my body hasn't changed too dramatically yet, but my mind has made the necessary shift from seeing myself negatively to seeing myself in a semi-positive light. Hopefully, as I continue to lose weight, get healthy and change my way of life, my confidence will grow even more and I will see myself as a beautiful person.

The photo I added to this blog today was taken by a friend using my iPhone. This is what I'm wearing right now. I feel good today!

"Another Reason to Fight the Fat"

2009-09-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

As part of my job I read the local newspapers and magazines every day/week. This morning I grabbed the Las Vegas Review Journal and on the front page a headline read "another reason to FIGHT THE FAT." Well, this certainly caught my attention since I am, indeed, overweight, and also because I've become so much more aware of my weight and losing weight within the last month and a half.

Although it wasn't an article I had to read for any work-related purposes, I took the time to read through this side-bar of sorts that gave details about a new study released in the medical journal, BMJ, by the U.S. National Institutes of Health and the Boston Obesity Nutrition Research Center.

The gist of the study showed that being fat during middle age may hinder women's chances of making it to their golden years in good health by almost 80 percent. This means that women who are overweight in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s have an almost 80 percent decreased chance of surviving to 70-years-old in good health (defined as being free of chronic disease and having enough mental and physical ability to perform daily tasks such as grocery shopping, vacuuming or walking up a flight of stairs).

American researchers observed more than 17,000 female nurses with an average age of 50 in the United States. At the time the study began, 1976, all women were in good health. Researchers monitored the women's weight and health and tracked changes every two years until 2000.

In this study, for every one-point increase in their Body Mass Index (BMI), women had a 12 percent lower chance of surviving to age 70 in good health. For every 2.2 pounds of weight gained since the age of 18, women's odds of surviving past 70 years old dropped by 5 percent. Likewise, women overweight at the age of 18 who gained more than 22 pounds later in life only had a 20 percent chance of surviving to age 70 in good health.

The article also described previous studies conducted regarding similar topics. A British study published earlier in 2009 found that obese people die about three years earlier than normal while those who are morbidly obese die, on average, a decade earlier. Another study also found that men are probably equally at risk for these results since fat acts largely the same way in both genders.

I took some time after reading this to compare it to my own life. At the age of 18 I wasn't overweight, but I was starting to gain weight more regularly. It wasn't until 20-years-old or so that I would have been consistently considered overweight, and I didn't reach the label of obese until I was almost 24 and worked behind a desk for a living. According to this study, I am definitely one of the women whose chances of being in good health at the age of 70 is decreasing. The article didn't say anything else and no other details were given about what people can do to try and curb this trend or whether or not losing the weight then re-increases the chances of survival. I have to assume that, for someone like me who is still quite young, if I take the time to correct my eating habits, slim down and exercise regularly that I still have a fighting chance of shimmery golden years. Regardless of that study and my own "percentages" I'm still trekking on. Only time will tell how my health shapes up.

The Clothing Issue

2009-09-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Last week my mom asked about clothes. She asked, "When can I expect to drop a size?" My answer for her was simple and extremely honest, "I have no idea."

Everyone trying to lose weight, and/or successfully losing weight is different. No matter what's being eaten, how much exercise is involved, etc., where the body loses the fat from first changes from person to person. My mom commented that she thinks she's losing the weight in her face and chest first, but not where she wants it gone the most -- her stomach. So, I thought about it for a few minutes, and I think I'm actually lucky because I'm losing it from my stomach and sides right off the bat.

Today is a good day to talk about this topic for me because last night I got inspired enough to try on a LBD (little black dress) that I bought when I first moved here two years ago. I have never worn it out in public, and I quickly outgrew it since I put on weight like I was stocking up for an Alaskan winter. So, last night I went into the closet, pulled out the dress and shimmied into it. I was floored to find out that it actually fit. Not only did it fit, but it looks pretty darn cute and it feels like an even better fit than I remember from when I first bought it. Whether that last part is true or not, who knows. I even brought Mike into the closet with me in case I needed someone to help wrestle me out of a too-tight piece of clothing.

Since the dress fit so great last night, I decided to take what I thought was a risk and where it to work with dressy sandals and a sweater. Turns out it looks pretty good because I've already received three compliments and it's only 8:30 a.m.!

So, my entire point with this story about the dress is that even just a little change (16 pounds so far for me) can have a huge impact on how clothes hang on your body. I still have a gut, and love handles, and what I consider to be a huge butt, but my pants aren't too snug around the waist, shirts are falling straight without clinging and I fit into that LBD! But then again, maybe it isn't that 16 pounds changed how clothes look on me, but maybe I'm gaining just a little bit of confidence and I'm changing how I view myself. Could that be it? Could confidence be the main factor? I guess only time will tell!

Inspirational Reading

2009-09-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

One thing Vegas is known for is good food and plentiful buffets. After living in this town for any amount of time that can definitely catch up with you. Gary Mahoney, former Las Vegas casino owner recently released his first book, “The Last Cookie Club.”

Based on his own experiences with fighting his battle with food addiction, the book uses fictionalized characters that easily hit close to home for anyone trying to lose weight or who has lost weight in the past.

Nearly all his life, Gary has battled an addiction to food. His passion throughout that time has been investigating a variety of programs and treatments, learning all he could about his addiction to help himself and others suffering from this and similar destructive behaviors.

Thus, “The Last Cookie Club” goes beyond tactics and fad diets to uncover the real reasons why people overeat. By turns poignant, humorous and enlightening, “The Last Cookie Club’s” all-too-human characters travel on an unforgettable journey of joy and sorrow, triumph and despair that anyone who has faced that last cookie at 3 a.m. and asked, “What do I do now?” can surely understand.

The club, which Gary began in 2005 while still owner of Mahoney’s Silver Nugget in North Las Vegas, included Gary's employees as well as patrons of the Silver Nugget. The club still lives on today, reminding its members that they’re not alone in their battles.

Gary also has an on-going blog and updates his continuing adventure with his addiction to food. You can read more about it at http://www.thelastcookieclub.com/. In hopes of inspiring more people to face their weight problems and fight them head-on, Gary is launching The Last Cookie Club radio show on Tuesday, Sept. 29. The weekly show will air from 4-5 p.m. every Tuesday on on KLAV Radio 1230 (Las Vegas). Who knows, maybe I'll even be lucky enough to be one of his guests in the future too!

I Turned the Car Around

2009-09-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

I don't have anything profound to say today, but I did want to share with everyone that I'm proud of my actions. Yesterday was a difficult day for me food-wise because I was craving pasta and pizza and carbs like you wouldn't believe. I wanted nothing more than to go to Olive Garden and devour the Garlic Herb Chicken Con Broccoli or have dinner at BJs and have the Parmesan chicken pasta. I felt like I needed it. I even spent a fair amount of time rationalizing the decision to be "naughty" at dinner by saying I've been great for more than a month, I can work it off tomorrow etc. etc.

When Mike called on his way home from work last night we talked about what to have for dinner. The conclusion we came to? Let's go to BJs for an early dinner since it's just down the road. The plan was that I would meet him there, so I got ready, hopped in my little BMW and started driving out of the neighborhood. I didn't even make it to the main road before I had second thoughts and guilt about heading to BJs with the intention of scarfing down Parmesan pasta. Not only was it pasta, I thought, but it's lathered in creamy Parmesan sauce and served with garlic crustinis. Yum!

I must have sat at the stop sign for more than a minute with my head in the clouds and the angel and devils on my shoulders battling out the pros and cons of meeting Mike at the restaurant or turning around and going home. Thankfully no car ever came up behind me otherwise I would have looked like a lunatic. I eventually came to the decision I needed to make and I called Mike. I told him to head home instead of heading to the restaurant. When I hung up with him I whipped a u-turn and headed back on the exact path I had just driven not 2 minutes before. When I pulled into the garage and went inside, the dogs were ecstatic to see me so soon, like they thought I had left forever. It was at that point that I realized just how pinnacle a moment I just had. I had made the decision to give in to temptation, then managed to work my way out of it in order to make better decisions.

I rarely say I'm proud of myself, and if anyone has a low self-esteem, it's me, but last night as I ate something much healthier than that delicious parmesan pasta, I gave myself a little pat on the back and remembered that once I've eaten and I'm full, that pasta doesnt even sound that great anyway.